Speak.

I never think about it, honestly. It doesn't cross my mind unless it's brought up in conversation or I'm asked. I don't mind talking about it, really. I just haven't been able to talk about it without tearing up until this last time. This time it was just different.

It is great to overcome an obstacle. I can look back on that trial and know that I am a better person because I have survived, no not just survived but flourished in less than desirable circumstances. Yes, that is great, but it is awesome to see God use that very same trial as a testimony for good.

My all business, no fluff boss was telling me and my coworkers some family drama about an in-law who attempted suicide. My gut fell to the floor. Suicide, really? Not today. I don't want to talk about this today.

Open your eyes.

No thank you.

This is your moment.

He didn't ask for my opinion.

My boss went on to explain how he doesn't feel sorry for people who try to take their life because it is the most selfish thing you can do. He said it effects the people in your life whether you think it will or not.

 

Open your heart.

He doesn't need to know that about me.

He needs to know about ME.

Then I heard my boss say something along these lines about her daughter - I just don't want her to be around that and it effect who she is or traumatize her.

Speak.

 

At this point, I couldn't keep quiet anymore. I couldn't fight the conversation no matter how insecure I felt. Because the story of my mom's suicide really isn't about me. It's about God taking a horrible situation which left a little girl with feelings of sadness, bitterness, anger and horrible fears of abandonment, and COMPLETELY CHANGING THAT LITTLE GIRL'S LIFE.

 

Don't  tune me out yet. Listen. I'm not here to shove religion down your throat. I'm just sharing my story. My story of my incredible Abba who scooped me up in my fragile state, and through every single step of my life has walked beside me helping me to gain strength with each stride. 

 

I had to speak up. I had to tell him that his daughter will encounter good, bad and horrible things throughout her life. He can't protect her from everything just like I can't protect my daughter. But when life happens in the worst way possible the only way to survive it is to be holding on to something, someone who isn't bound by the rules of this world. He asked me how I am not completely messed up (vocabulary changed to keep it PG). I told him that I can't give him any other reason than God. It's not just a go to church on Sunday morning to get your weekly dose of conviction or just a read your Bible so you can cross another good thing off your list type of deal. It's a relationship. A real relationship that has saved. my. life.

 

I am living proof that God is good. He was good, He is good and He will continue to be good because that is His character.

 

He is available. He desires a relationship with you.

 

My boss said, "Oh wow. I didn't know that about you."

And I heard, and now he knows more about ME.