Keeping Place

I can't write. But I have to write. It's burning in me to come out. So I stare at this blank screen, the cursor blinking at me with its expectations.

But I don't have anything good to say.

But what is my definition of good?
How can I define what is worth reading?

 

I have cried 4 out of the last 5 days. And not all for the same reasons.

In talking to a dear dear friend of mine, I was reminded that "everyone has seasons where the goal becomes keeping place and not losing ground. It's not a bad thing."

So that's what I'm doing. I'm going to continue reminding myself of what is truth. I'm going to stand firm and not just weather this storm but praise my Creator in this storm.

 

Permission of Empowerment

I have been under construction lately. Well, I'm always under construction, but I have been under major construction lately. Can I just plead with you for a little bit? Can I just tell you from experience that if you sincerely ask God to reveal himself to you, He will! It might not be within 5 minutes of your prayer. It might not be in the way that you expected. In fact, it probably won't be in the way you expected. But by rejoicing at His feet and seeking earnestly the will of God, you will be blessed and He will far exceed your expectations.

A couple weeks ago I started a new journey in my walk. God has been pouring His heart out and revealing His will to me in ways that I feel completely incompetent to handle. He has changed my whole view of life. Everything I once knew is changed...or more enlightened. I'm still catching up from this flood of knowledge and wisdom but I wouldn't have it any other way. An example of a change of thought process was induced by this quote I read the other day:

"The ultimate vengeance on the enemy is that whatever he tries against us only succeeds in making us bigger, better and stronger. When under attack, we focus on what the Father is giving us permission to become." -Bill Johnson

At first glance, I see this as an encouraging quote about overcoming obstacles and things that the enemy tries to throw at us. So that guy that cut me off in traffic this morning, I will pray for him, which will lead me to pray for others therefore changing my attitude to glorifying God instead of succumbing to frustration. This is true of this quote. But something else spoke to me from this quote. Instead of merely encouraging me in my walk, it empowered me to literally BE the hands and feet and heart of God.

"When under attack, we focus on what the Father is giving us permission to become."

God, the Creator of the universe has more planned for me than I could ever imagine.

I am not bound by financial struggle.
I am not bound by sickness.
I am not bound by fear.
I am not bound by social expectations.
I am not bound by age restrictions.
I am not bound by this box that I have put myself in of who I'm supposed to be.

(Please excuse the run-on sentence you are about to experience.) When I am faced with an obstacle, I already have the power in me and now, the permission from THE one and only God to have victory over this obstacle.

By choosing Christ, by accepting His love and grace and redemption in my life, I now have every tool I need to live a life of victory. NOT a life of self-induced victory, but a life of complete abandon of my desires to fulfill God's desires. There is so much more that I am destined to accomplish than to acquire the American Dream.

My job is a platform to be the hands and feet of Christ.
My family is a platform to be the hands and feet of Christ.
The obstacles, fears, sickness, hurt, grief, anger, pain, anxiety and insecurities I face are a platform to be the hands and feet of Christ.

I have not just the permission, but the honor and obligation to be the paint brush to create His masterpiece.

They say "easier said than done". That's why I write. :)

This is *not* SPARTA!

As I'm watching the movie 300, I can't help but get riled up by their passion and dedication. The courage it took for 300 men to go up against unbeatable odds is unfathomable and honestly, convicting. They die, ya know. They lose that battle. They KNEW going into the fight that they could die. Both them and their families treasured the thought of such an honorable death.

I don't wake up in the morning thinking that I might die, but yet I know I am in an active battle. And not just any battle, but a battle that has already been won! Do we, as a church (body of Christ), live like we already have the victory? Or maybe we really do know we have the victory so we don't feel the need to keep fighting....like we are taking a pleasure cruise through life instead of putting on the armor of God and bringing His will to our reality? Could it be that we try to go through our circles of life alone instead of utilizing the resources and army of fellow believers that *should be* available to us?

In the movie, Gerard Butler knows the odds that he has taking 300 men up against thousands of Persians? So what does he do? He formulates a plan to gather as one community, huddling together, moving as one unit to support each other and be a stronger force. They hold each other up, they encourage each other, they fight for each others lives. They understand that if one person fails, the whole unit fails.

We have much to learn here. Sunday morning should not be the only time you converse with fellow believers. And when you see your friends/family at church, merely discussing the week, your children's allergies or the new diet you're on should not be the only conversations. We are in a battle every day, right?

We need to cling to one another every day.
We need to fight for each others lives!
We need to fight for honor and liberty!
We need to love others as we love ourselves.
We need to help prepare each other.

'We were meant to live for so much more'
-Switchfoot

Bring the Rain

This morning on the radio I heard this chorus from a song by MercyMe:

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

Without a second thought I was just singing along and then in a still small voice I heard this:

Be careful what you ask for.

Then I had about a 30 second internal struggle that went something like this:

Wow, I really do need to be careful what I ask for. While singing this song, I am asking God to bring the rain, trials, hardships, etc if that's what it takes to praise Him.
              But I don't want it to rain. I don't want hardships.
But if it glorifies God then I DO want hardships because I know that it will only sharpen me to be more like Christ.
              But I really don't need any more financial trouble.
But if I am trusting in the Lord, He is in control and I have nothing to fear.
              But I really don't want sickness, pain, grief or obstacles.
But "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
              Ok, Jesus, if that's what is takes to praise you, bring the rain.

Addicted

Yesterday I had a cup of coffee.
This morning I had two cups of coffee.
Today at Subway I went to get my Dr. Pepper and SHAZAM it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I am addicted to caffeine. I joke about it all the time. I knew this already but I didn't really know it until today.

When I walk into my office, I am looking forward to and GENUINELY excited to get my cup of coffee. I hear the bubbling of the coffee maker brewing the coffee. I smell the sweet aroma filling the office. I ready my coffee cup and head toward the fridge for the creamer. I get small thrills from using different creamer and changing up the flavor every now and then.

But today when I was about to get my Dr. Pepper I was instantly convicted. I heard this question:

Where were these emotions this morning when you woke up to talk to Me and read My word?

Ouch, but true. I love reading my Bible. I love talking to the Lord. I love worshipping Him. But I have to be honest and admit that lately when I wake up in the morning, I do not have the same passion to read my Bible and talk to Him as I do when I am waiting for my coffee.

So I am saying goodbye to caffeine for now. I'm not saying goodbye to caffeine because of my health/diet. I'm saying goodbye to caffeine because I want to have the passion and excitement and desire to spend time with God that I have towards drinking my beloved coffee.

I have been learning so many things and God has been revealing Himself to me more than ever. I want to desire Him above anything and everything. Even something as silly as a cup of coffee. It might not seem like a big thing, but it was something that stuck out to me. And recently I learned that when the Spirit tells you to do something you need to obey, no matter how big or how small. I don't want anything in my life to be combatting my passion for God. He is my first love and first priority.

Psalm 119:18
Open my eyes, that I may behold the wondrous things out of Your law.

Psalm 37:4-5
Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act.

John 14:26
But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, He will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.

I crave time with the Lord. I crave communion with the Spirit. I crave a bigger picture. I crave miracles. I crave passion and love overflowing from me so that others see Christ instead of me.

And that all is not only just possible but completely achievable! I just have to listen and obey.

Bucket List Beginning!

I just created a Bucket List at www.bucketlist.org. I have 41 random things on there right now and it is FAR from done! Below is the list of things that immediately popped in my head in 5 minutes. And they are in no particular order.

Anyone want to help me complete them? I know I have to travel for some but a couple of them are local!

See the Red Sox at Fenway

Visit New York

See the Northern Lights (Aurora Borealis)

Build a treehouse

Attend Ellen DeGeneres show

See John Mayer perform live

See Jack Johnson perform live

Go grape stomping

Learn Tai Chi

Cover someone's car in Post-it notes

Visit Greece

Ride a gondola in Venice

Rescue a dog from an Animal Shelter

Romantic weekend getaway in a cabin

Learn to drive a stick shift

Pay for a strangers groceries

Have a wedding!

Stand on The Equator

See the Cirque de Soleil

Go on a hot air balloon ride.

Finish my half-sleeve tattoo!

Have a plant I DONT kill

Go to a chocolate factory

Build a home with a secret room

Be an extra in a film

Write a book

Have another baby

Swim with dolphins

Go on a cruise

Meet Graham Cooke

Meet Bill Johnson

Own a Dodge Charger

Meet and hug Maya Thompson

Run a 5k

Lose 30 pounds!

Climb a Volcano