I see girls with long beautiful flowing hair and I just gush. I think they are so beautiful. Then I start to feel insecure about how I look. I start to put importance on this outer carcass I carry around on a daily basis. I start to think about losing weight and shaping up. Ya know, it is going to be swimsuit season soon!
But I have been challenged. I have been awakened and given an opportunity to be me. To be who I really want to be and who I am destined to be. Switchfoot has it so right:
We were meant to live for so much more Have we lost ourselves? Somewhere we live inside
So I did it. I chopped off my hairs and I dyed them a spicy red color.
Now you might be asking, can there be that much liberty in a simple hair cut? I say, YES! Absolutely! I feel liberated. I feel spicy and unique. I feel like I'm not trying to fit into the wrong mold anymore. I feel like I am finally at the place where I can get over this insecurity of what I think people see and just enjoy what I see and MORE importantly what my great God sees, which is my heart. My heart loves the Lord. My heart loves His children. My heart yearns to see people rid of the addictions and traps that we ALREADY have the victory over!
So yes, this hair cut is a little sliver of what allows me to be the me that I was created to be. Which, in my opinion, is a better me than I ever could have tried to mold or paint or fashion!
There are so many people in the world that love the rain.
I have many friends who love the rain.
I do not love the rain.
I remember when playing softball or soccer in high school I would love for it to start raining. It meant that we had an extra challenge and that we got to get muddy. BUT then the officials would call the game because it was 'too dangerous'. Rawr. Frustrating. And outdoor events? Forget it. Ruined. Outdoor weddings, picnics, going to waterparks, sporting events...ruined because of the rain or lightening.
Here are some rare instances that I like the rain:
I think that's about it. So with that being said, I plan on NEVER living in the following places: (stolen from this website)
Mobile, Ala.: 67 inches average annual rainfall; 59 average annual rainy days
Pensacola, Fla.: 65 inches average annual rainfall; 56 average annual rainy days
New Orleans, La.: 64 inches average annual rainfall; 59 average annual rainy days
West Palm Beach, Fla.: 63 inches average annual rainfall; 58 average annual rainy days
Lafayette, La.: 62 inches average annual rainfall; 55 average annual rainy days
Baton Rouge, La.: 62 inches average annual rainfall; 56 average annual rainy days
Miami, Fla.: 62 inches average annual rainfall; 57 average annual rainy days
Port Arthur, Texas: 61 inches average annual rainfall; 51 average annual rainy days
Tallahassee, Fla.: 61 inches average annual rainfall; 56 average annual rainy days
Lake Charles, La.: 58 inches average annual rainfall; 50 average annual rainy days
Yes, I realize that Pensacola, FL is number two on that list. I might move close, but I hope to never live there. I can't stand rainy days!
One thing I will say, however, is that rain definitely helps me to appreciate the sunshine more. I love the sunshine. Most people get annoyed when they get in their car and the sun is shining in their eyes so bright that they can't see, but I love it. This may make me sound crazy but I feel like the sun is just one of my special little ways of communicating with God. I feel the sun on my face and the warmth and I can't help but smile because I know that God is present. I know that God is present all the time, but the sun is like a little reminder or an embrace. It's like God is smiling on me and it gives me great joy. I feel rejuvenated and excited. I soak it up. He is there, surrounding me, wrapping me in his light. It is a little escape, if only for a few minutes, to the feet of my Abba Father. It is a feeling of complete happiness and serenity. For me, the sun creates pure joy.
I would be perfectly happy to live in a place where it never rains. But maybe, for me, that is exactly why rain exists in my life.
I like learning new things. I like finding new organizations that I believe in. I like seeing funny pictures, reading inspiring stories and watching thought-provoking videos. I like being caught off guard by words of wisdom, encouragement or accountability when I need them the most. Ok, the accountability one might not fit in the "like" column all the time but in the long run it is definitely a plus.
I crave intellectual stimulation. I like crazy moments of nothing. I like napping. I like watching a stupid movie every now and then. But when I get done doing these stupid things, I almost always feel a twinge of sadness. Sadness that I could have been doing something that was meaningful. Here are some things that inspire me and/or I like:
Rockstar Ronan - The story of Maya, a spit-fire power house momma of three sweet boys and little Poppy girl on the way. She lost her third son, Ronan, to Neuroblastoma when he was just 3 yrs old. She writes with such raw emotion and so fearless that it is impossible to not be changed after reading her blog. Maya writes with honesty, holding nothing back. Ronan's fight for his life, his spicy spirit, his beautiful eyes and this incredible story of love, family and cherished moments are definitely life-changing, awe-inspiring, jaw-dropping and tear-jerking. So totally worth it.
You can learn more about Neuroblastoma and Ronan from The Ronan Thompson Foundation.
Here are three of many facts that you can find on the website here.
Childhood cancer is the number one disease killer in children.
Nationally, childhood cancer is 20x more prevalent than pediatric AIDS. Pediatric AIDS receives 4x the funding that childhood cancer receives.
The American Cancer Society spends less than 70 cents of each 100 dollars raised on childhood cancer.
These are our children, our nieces and nephews, our siblings, our friends that we are talking about. Please help us Paint the White House Gold this September. We really need to raise awareness for childhood cancer to get the funding and care that these precious babies deserve.
Maya and Woody are just some of the many parents trying to survive the horrible grief and pain of losing a child that I can not even imagine. Through reading Maya's blog, I found an incredible soldier for grieving parents everywhere, Dr. Jo, who I will talk about next.
Dr. Jo Cacciatore, Center for Loss and Trauma - Dr. Jo is mentioned very often in Maya's blog. She has been instrumental in not only Maya's life and grieving process, but to everyone she encounters. She has a heart for people that makes mine look like stone. Her holistic approach to life and healing give her the spark that I think the world is craving. She, like Maya, is going to move mountains.
Dr. Jo started The MISS Foundation in 1996 and the The Kindness Project in 1997, which I think EVERYONE should participate in. (find out how here!) The MISS Foundation highlights the acronym C.A.R.E.S.
Counseling
Advocacy
Research
Education
Support
And The Kindness Project is a really great way to put meaning behind being kind and thoughtful. It's easy to walk by something that needs to be done. But if you have Maya's son Ronan or Dr. Jo's daughter Cheyenne on your mind, doing something kind for other people takes on a new meaning. You are brightening someone else day because your life was brightened by that special spirit. You are doing something kind because those kids will never have the chance to. You are stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something different because it is nowhere near the battle that these kids go through with cancer and other trauma. Please check this amazing woman out. She will change your perspective.
Ryot News - This website is self-described as such: "Everyday we turn to news outlets to get reports of recent events or learn previously unknown information. Up until now, news has been all about "What's going on in the world?" RYOT lets you know "What's going on in the world and how YOU can be a part of it." RYOT is the only news outlet bringing you updates as they happen and letting YOU become part of the story. With RYOT, you 'Become the News.'"
Am I a little biased and excited that it also happens to be my daughter's name? OF COURSE! I mean, get a look at this bundle of awesomeness! My little riot of a Ryot. :)
Project Jubilee - The International Justice Mission is nationally known for "stopping slavery, sexual exploitation, and other forms of violent oppression. They rescue. They defend. They counsel. They educate. They prosecute. They pursue change on every level to stop systems and cycles of abuse." My dear friend, one of my beloved momma's, and my on-fire sister in Christ, Lisa Tuttle, made it a passion and goal to fund one of these rescue missions. She speaks of it in her blog here.
IJM, Project Jubilee and Lisa are all working towards making a difference in the defenseless and abused. These rescue missions may be the only source of hope, love, and support that these adults and children receive in their life. For only $4500, we are creating a safe haven for, (Lisa says it best) "Someone with no power to free themselve could have a new life that doesn't include abuse, exploitation, or oppression. We could make that happen for someone. Maybe a lot of someones."
Plus she has purple hair, which just makes her way more worth listening to. ;) Check out Project Jubilee and make a difference. Check out IJM and get involved. Read Lisa's blog and laugh, cry and be challenged every day of your life. She really is an amazing someone.
Back to Africa and Heart of the Bride - Back to Africa is self-described best "The Back to Africa (BTA) Project is focused on providing a fair wage to vulnerable widows, orphans, and refugees (our partners) in communities throughout Africa. Proceeds from the jewelry sales are sent directly to Africa and used to support our orphan ministries through Heart of the Bride." Heart of the Bride is self-described as "Heart of the Bride was established in 1998 as a non-profit organization dedicated to helping provide for the needs of orphans around the world. Our primary mission is to Share From Our Abundance With Those In Greatest Need."
Some of my close friends and family have dedicated their time, resources, hearts and ultimately lives for this calling. They are reaching the hearts of the street kids in Zambia helping to teach, guide, shelter and love.
Fuel Freedom - This is a more recent discovery. I can't quite say it is a passion yet because I do not know much about it. Rasied in Israel, Eyal Aronoff co-founded the Fuel Freedom Campaign and is primarily focused on energy and philanthropy. You can read about Replacement Fuels here. I think his logic and arguments make sense and I am looking forward to seeing how this unfolds. But like everything it needs funding and awareness in order to be heard. Why don't you check it out and let me know what you think? These are not all of the things that I am passionate about...just some ideas, people, foundations, causes, etc. that have popped in my head. However, I can't seem to forget about a certian blog post I read by the all-famous, previously mentioned Lisa, titled Be It. This particular post is really a challenge issued to people like me. I have this passion and drive to help others, but what am I doing about it? Well, I'm writing this blog hoping that someone will read it and help me create awareness. Yes, but what am I DOING about it?
"Be the change you wish to see in the world", right?
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to take way too many pictures.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to tell those around you that you love them.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to not go to bed angry.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to be able to laugh at yourself.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to be honest.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to go ALL OUT.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to tell those around you that you miss them.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to hug and be affectionate.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to make memories.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to live each moment like it was your last.
Because it just might be.
I can smile and say hi from a distance, but that won't help me remember what you smell like or feel like in my arms.
I smell thisand I remember my mom.
When I receive a big huge swallow-me-up hug, I always think of my Granny. She gives the BEST hugs! Or when I see or hear a reference to Dr. Mario. haha There is no greater champion then that woman! I don't know how she does it. I have the best Granny in the whole world. That is a memory we made that will stick with me forever.
People that spend a lot of time together start to get in that rut of taking each other for granted. When Ryot was first born I got to spend a couple months working from home. I was all in new baby bliss but I would have given my left arm just for a meaningful conversation with an adult. I was going stir crazy just being home with Ryot. I loved every little thing she did. Every coo, burp, yawn, sigh, movement. I was in awe. I have been in love with that little girl since I very first heard her little heartbeat 2 days after I found out I was pregnant. She is perfect. (picture moment!)
Awwww she is just so perfect and precious and I love everything about her. But if I'm being honest, I had moments of wanting to pull all my hair out! Like this:
haha oh goodness that's funny right there.
Anyway, long blog short, there were moments that I took that down time with my sweet angel for granted. Now that I work full time, I really really appreciate every second I get with Ryot. But why is that? Why does something have to be taken away for us to appreciate it? I loved every minute I got with her before and I don't think I could EVER get enough time with her to satisfy my craving, but I do know that I miss her even more now that I only get a limited amount of time with her.
What is this "absence makes the heart grow fonder" crap? I really hate that sentence. Just appreciate what you have.
Don't make me miss you. Spend time with me.
Don't make me wonder if you love me. Just tell me you love me.
Don't make me sit there begging for your attention. Let's make memories.
Don't under appreciate the things I do for you. I try really hard to be a kind, loving and thoughtful person.
Same thing with your friends, kids, parents, etc.
Life is short. I'm here now writing this blog. I might not be here tonight. I love you. All who are reading this. I love you my friends and family and dear darlings.
I'm not perfect by any means. But I do try really hard to give life and love everything I've got. I wish I had one more moment with my mom. I wish I could tell her that I love her. I wish she could meet Ryot. I wish I could ask for her motherly advice and hear her stories. But because of my mom I have this crazy appreciation for these things called life and love.
Don't keep the people in your life guessing. Say "I love you" too much. Give big hugs. Do something special for the people in your life. Make a point to spend quality time. Not just in the same room breathing the same air, but quality time.
It's the little things in life that go a long way. Don't be afraid to love and fall in love.
Today is International Women's Day. I posted this video on my facebook earlier today with this post:
"Today is International Women's Day. I would not by any means be considered a feminist, but I did learn some new things from this video. It's not life changing, but if you have a few moments to spare you might find it interesting. This is not just for moms that are working outside of the home but those that are working IN the home as well. What can you do today to say thank you to the women in your life?"
Well after watching the video and reading some articles about the amazing things women have done and are doing in the world, I wanted to see what others were saying about it. I like to read. I like to write. I like that people read what I write. I like that some people like what they read when I write. So therefore, I like to read what other people write, especially if it's what they love to do.
Google came in handy and I searched for quotes about women. Very vague, I know, but I wanted to leave the wide interweb world open for results. What I saw was honestly a disturbing shock! The level of degradation of the view of men is heinous. It's no wonder that women complain about their men being disrepectful or lazy. Come on, people, we are setting our men up for failure! Words have a much larger impact on the human pschy than people realize! Here are some of the quotes I read:
“Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.” - Joseph Conrad
“As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.” - John Lennon
“You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation.” - Brigham Young
“In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.” - Margaret Thatcher
"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him." - Groucho Marx
"I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere." - James Thurber
"The only really happy folk are married women and single men." - H.L. Mencken
Now there were hundreds of other good quotes speaking of women. Women's courage and strength in child-bearing. Women's sex appeal being more intellectual than physical. Women's hearts of gold. Women's undying love. Women's forgiveness that surpasses normalcy. Again...hundreds of good quotes. I was just shocked to see how many had to put men down to lift women up.
If someone is constantly telling me that I'm fat or asking if I am pregnant, I am not going to have the confidence to step out in that little black dress. If I continually tell my man how lazy and stupid he is, what is going to make him want to take initiative to do something nice for me? However, if I am encouraging his work ethic and praising him for his kindness, would that not propel him further to make sacrifices just to make me smile and provide a good life?
If I tell Ryot that she is stupid and boring, what is going to make her want to pick up a pen and color me a picture? What is the difference between talking to our men? Shouldn't we be building them up instead of nagging their faults? Shouldn't we be encouraging good habits and praising them for progress? Shouldn't we be appreciative of the things that they do for us instead of expecting to be waited on hand and foot?
Maybe it's old fashioned and outdated. I'm not even saying that I disagree with all of the quotes above. As I was reading them I was even guilty of letting out a little "amen" or a laugh every now and then. I can have a sense of humor, I just think there is a fine line of what to tease about and what not. AND I just so happen to think that putting your other half, children, friends, or anyone in your life down just so you can look better is NEVER the better option.
Wake up people! We have so much influence with our words.
Tell your girl she is beautiful. Appreciate the simple ways that she looks at you and loves you.
Tell your man that you are so thankful to be his or specifically thankful for something he did recently.
Tell your kids that they are so fun and creative. Encourage them to learn and discover!
Thank your boss for your job.
Thank your parents (blood parents or not) for the financial/spiritual/emotional support through the years.
Give more hugs.
Share a smile.
Give a just because kiss.
Send flowers.
Leave encouraging sticky notes in random places for them to find.
Give a spontaneous massage.
Plan a fun date.
Draw them a picture - even if it is bad stick people art.
Help randomly with the chores.
Cook dinner together.
Dance.
LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST.
BE ENCOURAGING.
*Disclaimer: I fail at this daily, but I will keep trying my hardest!!!*
What have you done to show appreciation and care for the ones around you lately? Do something spontaneous today!
2 Corinthians 10:7-11 "You are judging by appearances. If anyone is confident that they belong to Christ, they should consider again that we belong to Christ just as much as they do.So even if I boast somewhat freely about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up rather than tearing you down, I will not be ashamed of it.I do not want to seem to be trying to frighten you with my letters.For some say, “His letters are weighty and forceful, but in person he is unimpressive and his speaking amounts to nothing.”Such people should realize that what we are in our letters when we are absent, we will be in our actions when we are present."
Oh the beauty of written word...
I have always had a problem with eye contact. I'm not 100% sure why. I have speculated about it over the years and the closest thing I can come to a conclusion has to do with insecurity. When I make eye contact it's not a problem of me looking at the other person but that they are looking at me. They say "eyes are the window to the soul" and I believe it. Now scientists have discovered that it really is true here. They say that the 'differences in the iris can be used as a biomarker that reflects differences between people.' Crazy, huh? You probably don't care to hear about that; It's just the nerd in me who is fascinated in those kinds of oddities.
I just make eye contact and I get anxious. Do I look ok? Do I have something on my face? What are they thinking? What are they feeling? Do they approve? What is their opinion?
Why do I place so much value on the opinions of the people I talk to? (And not so much their opinions of me but that they feel comfortable enough to share their opinions of a topic with me. I would say its a 50/50 struggle) I'm not 100% sure about that either. The only conclusion I could come up for that question is that I am real. I am honest. My life is an open book. Now there is something to say for common courtesy. I shouldn't have to say that but I'm putting the disclaimer out there. Just like in Mona Lisa Smile:
Betty Warren: "You don't believe in withholding, do you?
Katherine Watson: "No. I do, however, believe in manners. But for you, I'll make an exception." Ask me a question and I'm not going to clam up and avoid it. I will tell you the truth. I will tell you what I believe, how I feel, what I think or what my experience has been. But somehow it never comes out as eloquently or fully formed as when I write. I feel like I am home when I'm writing. I feel like there are no judgements, no boundaries, no rules. Just as Paul says in the verse quoted above, I feel like "what we are in our letters when we are absent, we will be in our actions when we are present." I don't feel that I am a different person when I write, but merely a more communicative and accurate person. I have time to gather my thoughts - vent and erase if need be. I have time to figure out what it means to me instead of what sounds good. When asked a question I don't know the answer to, I am honest and say "I don't know." Sometimes I feel retarded that I don't know. I don't like feeling stupid. When faced with the same situation with writing, I can research (I LOVE research), find out the answers I'm looking for and then learn and share my new knowledge. I have time to see what other people think about a specific topic and form my own opinions. I have the opportunity to just be and feel exactly as I want to in that moment without anyone staring at me waiting for an answer. I have always been labeled a people person. I have been told and often relay to others that I have "never met a stranger". I think it's true. I meet someone and just love them - for who they are, for who they aren't, for their different views or for the same, for their style or complete lack thereof, for their unique ability of being the only person who is exactly them. I am the only me. They are the only them. That is something unique and special in and of itself. I will continue to try to be as strong, straightforward and eloquent as I try to be when I write. And I will try to continue not only being the only me in the world, but being proud that I am the only me in the world. I am here for a bigger purpose, a higher calling than my little world.
We got there by dark. We were greeted with friendly hugs, a warm fire, and good drinks. Ryot and I had a dance party outside until it was time for her to go to sleep (waaay late bedtime makes me a cool mom right? lol). The dance party continued longer than I thought it would; I think partly because we were trying to stay warm and partly because Ryot was deliriously tired. There is just something about dancing around a fire in the dark with good friends. Have you seen Dances with Wolves? I'm not the only one who enjoys it. :)
The rest of the weekend was filled with clearing out some woods, gathering firewood, playing football/soccer, playing with Ryot on the playground, sitting on the dock over the beautiful water, watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre, sitting around the camp fire, teaching the guys how to roast marshmallows since they were burning them, eating s'mores, and most importantly getting to have good conversation and quality time with really great, kind, loving, nice people. I had a blast this weekend.
Ya know, every trip has it's ups and downs. I had plenty of ups, and I had one major down.....literally down....like falling down a flight of stairs. How embarrassing! My foot just slipped and everyone heard me tumbling down. I didn't do any flips or anything but I fell pretty hard. haha I was able to laugh about it but was in more pain than I would admit at the time. Aaron was right there by my side in a flash of a second making sure that I was ok. *melt my heart* And I was so glad that he was because I thought I was going to pass out. I had to sit there for a while and just relax until I could see straight. My shoulder is really sore still and I have a pretty good size bruise on the back of my right thigh. Eh, it's just a flesh wound, right?
Bahahaha ok it wasn't that bad. Blood was not gushing everwhere, but I'm still sore today.
In fact, my whole body is sore. I haven't really done any physical activity for a long time. I go to work and I go home. I play with Ryot but she is still little so it's not very physically active. Well with the firewood, sports, dancing and running around at the lakehouse that I did this weekend, my whole body is sore. And I'm pretty sure 90% of the blame for my abs being sore is all the laughing. I love this family. I had so much fun and felt so comfortable. I hope to have many more weekends at that lakehouse. :)
