Will you marry me?

Knock knock. 

There he was, my handsome Mr., standing at my door with a hot cup of coffee. It's not hard to be happy when he is around, especially when gifting me with coffee. I can't function on four hours of sleep as well as I used to. 

He took my hand and led me down the stairs. We got in the truck to head to our secret location. I knew we were going to see the sunrise, but I wasn't sure where. I didn't want to spoil any surprises so I just held his hand, sipped my coffee and enjoyed the light starting to show through the clouds. We arrived at the Kemah Boardwalk where he led me to a blanket set out with roses just for us. At the edge of the boardwalk, we could see water for miles, birds looking for breakfast, and joggers out for an early run. One of the ladies of the joggers cried out 'now THAT is how a guy is romantic!' We laughed as I agreed and heard another woman telling the men to 'take notes, boys.'  

It was a little cloudy which created a sunrise with varying shades of blue, grey, and yellow. Truly beautiful. 

After moments with him that I will cherish forever, I heard the words I have been waiting to hear for what seems like forever. 

'Will you marry me?'

I said, 'yes, yes. A thousand times yes.'

Thank you to Cody for taking the creeper pics from the bushes and Kendra for letting us use your house for celebrating. 

Thank you Garza family, Aunt Tammy, Mimi and Pa, and all our friends for helping make the day so special! 

Thank you Corrie for watching Ryot so all of this could happen. 

My life is more wonderful with all of you in it!

Thank you, God, for answering my prayer far greater than I could have imagined. I'm so looking forward to a beautiful future with Jacob and Ryot! 

I love my life!

It was Twitter with the candlestick in the library

I have tried to re-enter the Twitter world, to no success. In my opinion, Twitter is an adequate platform for following celebrities or keeping up with trending topics, however, I think English is too beautiful and mysterious a language to be limited by a mere 140 characters. It saddens me to ponder the possibility that by limiting our descriptions, we are preventing our minds from discovering new ideas. I fear the thrill of escape through written verse is nearly extinct.

Maybe it's the extrovert in me that thinks a thought is fleeting unless expressed. Maybe I can give myself more credit and say it's the artist or dreamer in me instead. Either way, if we aren't describing how we feel, who we are, and what we see, what driving force exists to compel us for exploration of more?

There is always more.

Today is better

Everyday is marked with emotions. Delightful, monotonous, devastating, confusing, or terrifying, there are a vast array of feelings and thoughts that your body, mind, and heart encounter. Today was no different than the rest. 

Today, first, I felt tired, yet motivated. 

Then I felt appreciated for a moment to be completely disrespected a second later with a preposterous request. 

After that I was hungry, but quickly followed by satisfaction. 

Though never quite full,  I managed to maintain a level of hunger satisfaction so as to not break into the 'hangry zone'. 

I was delighted and felt pampered as the afternoon crept in slowly. 

My delight swiftly turned into a steadily busy case load of work. 

After work was a blissful evening full of fun, laughs, ice cream and Batman. I could use without raspy Christian Bale in black spandex but it's a small price to pay for a happy Mr. 

Now as I settle in to bed, I like to think about what happened today. What I did or didn't do, what my priorities are for the next day, and how incredibly comfortable my bed is. :)

Hopefully tomorrow will be even BETTER than today!

Irritated meaningless blog post

Ya know that irritation that burns your chest and leaves you literally shaking your fist at anything and everything that falls in your path? 

No? Well you must be a magical unicorn. Good for you. 

Today was not fun. I'm so frustrated and I just want to be at the beach listening to the waves with the sun on my face, wind blowing my hair and feet in the sand. 

But that's not my reality so I will eventually get over it. 

Here is my blog post for the day. 

What are you waiting for?

You lied.

You cheated. 

You stole something that wasn't yours. 

You lashed out in anger.

You cursed.

You neglected him, her, them.

You messed up. 

You lost track of time and made too many mistakes and now you don't know which way is up or how to get back to whatever was supposed to be normal. You feel like your drowning. You can't breathe. It's all too much. You can't handle it.

YOU JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

You don't have to. 

I know this man who lived a perfect life. Instead of gloating or holding our failures over us, He took the punishment. He took the blame. He took the guilt. He took the abandonment. He took the shame. He took the lashes. He paid the penalty, the fee, the fine. He stepped in your place, willingly. He wasn't forced against His will. He wasn't conquered by some force stronger than Him. He set aside His strength to be poured out as an offering for the sins that had been committed, were being committed, and would be committed by us for many, many years after. 

Why? Because of love. It's that simple. He loved you. He took His time to create that birthmark, those freckles, your crazy hair, knobby knees, brown eyes, green eyes, blue eyes, hazelgreyishgreenishyellowish eyes. Because He loved you. He smiled as he swirled those curls and laughed as he gave you that cute little sneeze. He delighted in your quirks and clumsiness. He proudly gave you that passion for leadership or the contentment of quiet. He cherished you enough to make sure that you didn't have to pay that awful price for your decisions. He protected you. He lovingly covered you so that all the accusations pierced Him instead. 

The price was paid. Past tense. It was finished, then because of His love for us, and through the incredible power of the Spirit, He didn't stay dead. He rose. The grave couldn't contain Him. He lives. He is alive and thriving today with an open hand stretched out to you. All you have to do is accept it. Take a step.
He offers you freedom.

What are you waiting for?

I Have Nothing To Fear

In making some updates on another site this morning, I stumbled upon my old blog. I took some time to read through some of the posts. I allowed myself to hurt over those brokenhearted rants and smile with pride on the posts of seeking the joy of the Lord. I saw the process, the journey. I remembered it. Never do I want to experience it again but I'm glad that I have gone through it now. God has this way of breaking me down and letting me vent and then in His perfect timing raising me up stronger than before. 

When my dad died a short 12 days ago, I was a ball of confusion. People were asking me if I was okay, how I was feeling, if I needed anything; all things that are good and wonderful, of course! I had and still have several wonderful people genuinely interested in my life and what the state of my heart is. See, these people are world changers. They are strong believers who love the Lord and what the Lord is doing. They are my friends, my family, my community. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Looking back on the first week that my dad was gone, I have to shake me head a little. I felt trapped. I felt like I was supposed to burst into tears, but I couldn't. I felt like I was supposed to be sad or angry at God, but I wasn't. I felt like even though I said I was okay, no one believed me. Do I miss the possibility of a restored relationship with my dad? Yes. Does my heart break for the devastation that my grandparents feel over losing a child? Of course! But does it shake the foundation of the proven fact that God is good? Absolutely not. There was never a doubt in my mind. I know with every fiber in my being that He is good. And though I may grit my teeth and grieve, I will not question His character. 

One thing that my dad's death brought to surface was my skewed view of love. This is nothing new. You see, the devil isn't original. He will use the same pit that you first fell into to trip you up over and over again. He will claim you as an orphan and make you question the motives of those closest to you. He will create doubt in places that you have always been confident. This didn't manifest in a pitiful way of me laying in bed crying that nobody loved me. This manifested in a new way that I never would have expected: Fear.

I've never considered myself a fearful person. I don't remember a lot of the early years, but I remember my friends and little sister crawling in bed with me because they were scared. I remember being the one elected to kill the bugs, go into the craw space or attic, climb the tree to get the frizbee, or the dreaded task of cornering the evil cat Mittens (adoringly referred to as 'Lucy' or 'Lucifer' on occasion) in the laundry room to get the mouse trap off of her tail. (This really was a brave task because that cat had a purpose to kill and a taste for blood. Evil, pure evil.) If ever there was a moment that I was nervous or scared, I held my breath, focused my eyes and went for it.

Succumbing to fear and anxiety was a new thing. Before if I heard that someone was dealing with fear or issues with anxiety, it didn't hurt my heart like the wife dealing with neglect from her husband or the children abandoned to the Foster system. I was confident that my God could handle every situation, because He can. I would spout easy memory verses and tell them, "God's in control." It came from a purely innocent place, I promise. I just had never dealt with anything like that before, so I didn't understand it. Let me tell you something about fear. Fear and anxiety will overtake you like a swarm of bees, stinging and paralyzing you until you can't move. Anxiety overtakes your mind so that simple questions like what to eat for dinner are overwhelming. Fear attacks your dreams so that you can't ever find rest. It's debilitating. It's isolating because it creates scenarios that don't exist. It's irrational. And for someone who likes things to be analyzed and logical, it's terrifying. 

Through words and conversations with sweet friends, my quiet time, scripture, articles, sermons, and hearing from the Lord, I realized this simple truth: 

I wasn't afraid, because I had nothing worth living for. 

I am the first one to pray that Jesus comes quickly. Yes, Lord, please come quickly and take us home. I don't need a husband and a house and 2.5 kids with a white picket fence. Give me Jesus, more of Jesus. Please, take me home. 

Then I had Sweetness.

Isn't she just perfect? 

After having her and my marriage was still not good, my prayer changed, but only by a little. I prayed Jesus come quickly, and take us home. I don't need a husband and a house or any more kids with a white picket fence. Give us Jesus. Take us home. 

Without knowing it, my heart's cry changed from desperately yearning for only Him to yearning for Him with new conditions. Take us home, together, collectively. It was both of us together or none at all. Of course I wouldn't say it like that, but that's exactly what it was. You see, I know the Father's love for me. I have been down so many tearful, heart breaking roads or abandonment. Every time He has been there, walking with me, talking to me, guiding me, comforting me, reassuring me, pouring His love, mercy and acceptance in my life. It took several years and many failed attempts of finding love, to really fall in love with Jesus and accept His love for me. I am continually a work in progress, but I am no longer a sinner, but a saint saved by grace. I am loved, chosen, and accepted. So why would I be riddled with fear at the thought of leaving her alone?

I had to be reminded that God loved Ryot. Not in the watered down God loves everyone way, but in the same way that He created her for His glory. He took delight in painting her hair with golden hues, perfectly placing that adorable freckle on the end of her nose, fashioning her will to be strong and nearly unshakable, and designing her contagious giggle that would one day melt my heart. I got to be a part of that. I had the immeasurable honor of carrying and nourishing that precious miracle inside me for 37 1/2 weeks, but when she was born, she wasn't MINE. She is, was, and always has been HIS. She was created for a special and specific purpose that fits perfectly in God's masterpiece. She is not mine who I will leave behind alone if I die. She is His who will be nurtured, cared for, and loved beyond measure the same if I am here or gone. 

Growing up, I read and heard these verses over an over:

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; me soul knows it very well."

Psalm 139:13-14

This verse was monumental in seeing the Father's love for me while growing up and finding my identity. 

This verse now has taken a whole new meaning in that it is also for Ryot. Not from me to Ryot as a verse about how God loves us, but a verse written from God to Ryot for their own personal relationship. Oh, how I yearn for the day that Sweetness falls in love with Jesus. My heart aches for her to not only know and hear, but authentically experience the Father's love wrap around her in such a way that it frees her from the bond of anyone or anything else. 

I love my little girl. I love this crazy life I live, despite the sleepless nights, missed events, temper tantrums, or nasty sickness I have to deal with. She is worth it. Not only to me, but even more so to God. I will cherish the memories that I get to make with her. I will do my best to teach her about the love of the Father and His incredible purpose for her life that really has nothing to do with me. I will care for, and love her to the best of my ability for as long as I can. I am honored and delighted to do so. But if by some unexpected turn of events, I am not able to provide for her, God will continue to provide for and love her in a way that I will never be able to. 

It's all for Him. My life is all for Him. Her life is all for Him. My relationship with Mr. is all for Him. Our family dynamic is all for Him. His heart is for His people. Our hearts will be bent for the people as long as there is breath in our lungs because there is NOTHING more satisfying than being immersed in His presence. 

My beautiful and wise lifegroup leader said that she had to come to the point in her own life where she laid her daughter on the altar and gave her to God. Being engulfed in fear and anxiety my heart immediately began racing. But God, in His sweet and merciful way, has reminded me that I'm not leaving her on the altar to be abandoned. I'm releasing the grip and entrusting Him with a precious little girl that He loves, delights over, created, perfectly designed, and cherishes even more than I do. 

It's not a sacrifice, it's a safe. 

It's not abandonment, it's a loving Father who is asking me to let Him provide for her a full detail of protection instead of the wilting plastic sword in my hand. 

It's not driven by fear, but an overabundance of love. 

It's the perfect design of love.

I've heard this verse, but never have I been able to apply it to my life is such a complete way:

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because He first loved us."

1 John 4:18-19

Perfect love casts out fear. I know that not only am I chosen and cherished as a daughter, but my sweet little girl is chosen, cherished and protected by the God who loves her more than I could fathom. 

I have nothing to fear. 

It's only Tuesday

Ok, I have to load up the purse. 

Oh gosh, it's pouring down rain. Run, RUN!

Load up Sweetness' daycare bag. 

Oh no! Sweets, get back inside, I'm not leaving you!

Now she is bawling. On top of coughing. 

Just what she needs. An already stuffy nose, and coughing, with tears and now wet from the rain.

Grab the umbrella and get her in the car. 

Take a deep breath. Start the car. 

Slide in reverse. Why isn't it moving?

What is that light?

Really, flat tire? In the pitch black, pouring rain, with a sick baby, at 6 am?

Ok, think. 

Get the baby inside, wrapped in a blanket, turn on Fern Gully. 

She's happy. 

Grab my purse and her bag from my car. Soaking wet now. 

Mr. is on his way to help. 

Fold Laundry with a sick, tired baby in my lap. 

See Mr.'s wonderful face. Sigh of relief.

Change my shoes.

Load up the bags, load up the baby. 

Still wet and tired.

Forgot her milk, but we have no time to go back. 

Drive to my work. Switch the bags to the work truck.

Switch the car seat with the Sweetness still inside to the work truck.

I'm more soaking wet now.

Goodbye kiss in the rain.

Drive to daycare. Sweetness falls asleep. 

Take Sweetness and bags out of truck into daycare where of course she wakes up grumpily.

Feel horrible working mommy guilt.

Try to console as best I can and sit her at the table with her breakfast. 

Kiss goodbye and one last hug. Drive to work. 

8am, phone rings. Deep breath in, Exhale with a smile.

Good Morning, How can I help you?

"You shall have a song"

I can't get this passage of scriptures out of my head. I think it's safe to say it's as addicting as playing 2048, eating Oreo's, or humming along with "Let it Go". I stumbled upon them the other day and was immediately drawn in, intoxicated with it's beauty and complexity. I love how eloquently the picture is drawn of a righteous and just God gently taking your hand as the Teacher. Please read it.

Isaiah 30:18-33

18 Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you,
    and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
For the Lord is a God of justice;
    blessed are all those who wait for him.

19 For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. 20 And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. 21 And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. 22 Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold-plated metal images. You will scatter them as unclean things. You will say to them, “Be gone!”

23 And he will give rain for the seed with which you sow the ground, and bread, the produce of the ground, which will be rich and plenteous. In that day your livestock will graze in large pastures, 24 and the oxen and the donkeys that work the ground will eat seasoned fodder, which has been winnowed with shovel and fork. 25 And on every lofty mountain and every high hill there will be brooks running with water, in the day of the great slaughter, when the towers fall.26 Moreover, the light of the moon will be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be sevenfold, as the light of seven days, in the day when the Lord binds up the brokenness of his people, and heals the wounds inflicted by his blow.

27 Behold, the name of the Lord comes from afar,
    burning with his anger, and in thick rising smoke;[d]
his lips are full of fury,
    and his tongue is like a devouring fire;
28 his breath is like an overflowing stream
    that reaches up to the neck;
to sift the nations with the sieve of destruction,
    and to place on the jaws of the peoples a bridle that leads astray.

29 You shall have a song as in the night when a holy feast is kept, and gladness of heart, as when one sets out to the sound of the flute to go to the mountain of the Lord, to the Rock of Israel. 30 And the Lord will cause his majestic voice to be heard and the descending blow of his arm to be seen, in furious anger and a flame of devouring fire, with a cloudburst and storm and hailstones. 31 The Assyrians will be terror-stricken at the voice of the Lord, when he strikes with his rod. 32 And every stroke of the appointed staff that the Lord lays on them will be to the sound of tambourines and lyres. Battling with brandished arm, he will fight with them. 33 For a burning place[e] has long been prepared; indeed, for the king it is made ready, its pyre made deep and wide, with fire and wood in abundance; the breath of the Lord, like a stream of sulfur, kindles it.

The Lord waits, He waits to be gracious to you.
He delights in being gracious to you. It is for His glory to be gracious to you and show you mercy. What a mind-boggling thought! Just the other day I was looking over the HONY (Humans of new York) posts and was stopped in my tracks by a sad truth. The question was asked "Who do you have the hardest time forgiving?" and this woman who looked equally delicate and delightful answered, "Myself". The most puzzling thing about this truth, for me, is the blatant contradiction this is to everything that people do and believe in. Free college! Free birth control! Free medical insurance! Free housing! Free food! But forgiveness? No thanks, I'd like to punish myself silently for years. Yes, rotting from the inside out seems like a great idea. Ok, we don't quite say it like that but that is exactly what is happening when we don't accept forgiveness for ourselves. It's a denial of glory to God when we say, thanks but no thanks, to his mercy and grace.

...at the sound of your cry. As soon as He hears it, He will answer you...
You will cry. Life is tough. Sometimes you aren't dealt the hand that you expected. Sometimes your cards suck. Sometimes you lose your job, have a miscarriage, argue with your husband, lose a friend, bury a parent, get in a car wreck, break a bone. Sometimes you just plain wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Verse 20 says, "and though the Lord may give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide Himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher." He will NOT hide Himself from you, however, in order for Him to hear you and answer you, you HAVE to call out to him. You have to cry to Him. You are welcomed, encouraged, invited to cry out in desperation for your great Teacher. He will answer. I don't say this just because the Bible says it, although I believe wholeheartedly that the Bible is timeless and completely infallible. I say this because I have seen it with my own doubting, unbelieving, skeptical eyes. I have felt it. I have heard Him answer. I have seen the transformation that takes place when I allow myself to fully surrender to God and cry out for His help. He will answer.

This is the way, walk in it.
Numerous times in scripture, God is called the Comforter or has shown traits of comforting His children. He will wrap you in His arms and let you cry. He will be the presence that surrounds you when you feel all alone. However, He loves you too much to leave you in that place. He wants more, better, for you. He wants you to not only exist but live, vibrantly, full of joy and contentment. For this to happen, He will set you on a new path. Verse 22 says "then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold-plated metal images. You will scatter them as unclean things. You will say to them, 'be gone!'." I have highlighted the word 'you' because this is a choice that no one can make but you. God can make you blindly obey, but He wants you to choose Him. This may mean a change of scenery with a move to a completely different place. This may mean a change of friends so that your influences are better for you. This may just simply mean a change in attitude. It may mean mending relationships that have been broken. It may introduce you to new people who will accept and love you like He does. This change will be exactly what you need in that moment. My encouragement to you, and preaching to myself as well, is to walk in it. Walk in renewed truth. Release anxiety, take a deep breath, and listen to His voice. He will NOT return void. If you can't hear Him, ask for others to join with you on this journey. Don't isolate yourself. He will show you the way, take a step of faith and watch your slow limp become a steady run towards the prize. Listen, obey. It's worth it.

And He will give rain for the seed with which you sow the ground...
Healing is a process. Regaining trust is a process. Verse 23 doesn't say He will give you a new tree. It says He will provide the rain for the seed that you sowed in the ground. God certainly can give you a brand new tree, and sometimes that is exactly what you need. But most of the time, it's a process of rain, sun, care, protection, growth. He will provide. Be faithful. There is beauty in this process. Let Him water the seed. Help it grow.

You shall have a song...
Not only is He shaping and molding you into something greater than you were before, but He is writing your story. A story isn't written in a single word, no, but a multitude of descriptive and connecting words. Words upon pages, upon chapters. From the beginning to the end, He is the author. Steadily, He is writing your short stories that one day collectively will be a testament of His goodness.

Battling with brandished arm, He will fight with them.
I love verses 30-33. The majesty and gracious kindness of the Lord intertwined with the great power of His 'furious anger and flame of devouring fire'. That is our God. Gently and mercifully, He draws us out of our fear, anxiety and isolated brokenness. He gives hope and encouragement. He prepares a way for us and invites us to walk renewed in communion with Him. Then our Abba with a powerful and mighty vengeance goes to battle for us. He defeats the enemy 'with a cloudburst and storms and hailstones". What an awesome picture! Though for a moment we may be overcome with disparity, He rises to our defense and kindles the fire merely with His breath.


There will be adversity.
But we have the victory.
We have already won.

"Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint Exupéry

I will stay, so that I can go.

Give yourself grace.
You just need to give yourself Grace.
Well, you need to give yourself a little grace.

Ugh, the theme of my life. And what do I think about this?

I don't have time for this sissy stuff.
There are so many other important things.
God, don't you know that over 300 girls have been kidnapped from Nigeria?
Did you know that Rhinos are almost extinct?
That Syria is in a constant state of war?
Are you aware of the uproar between Ukrainians and Pro-Russian Insurgents?
There are children being abused and abandoned.
There are too many abortions. Too many murders. Too many rapes. Too many laws being changed that I know break your heart.
All of that is way more important than me.

I don't know how to stay.

But I want you to stay.

Just tell me to go and I will go.

Staying will equip you to go. Be still. Let me heal, so that you can heal. Let me create change in you so that you can create change for them. Listen to me so that you can speak. Let us course through you so that your every movement and thought comes from me. Let me bless you so that you can bless others. Let me prepare you so that you can teach. Let me invest in you. I delight to invest in you.

I will stay, so that I can go.

A Quivering, Cowardly Shell of Myself

I'm having a hard time putting into words how I feel. I have been in a rut for a while now. This morning a dear friend sent me a post on trauma and grieving that you can find here. I would love if you could take the time to read the blog post because I definitely took something away from every point.

I had to re-read some of them and give myself permission to believe them. It's much easier for me to become irritated with emotions and tell myself to suck it up than to sit, wait and allow myself to process this change. I have to allow myself to come to the realization that there has been a change in my life. A change that I might be ok with today and completely NOT ok with tomorrow. Just like the quote I found today says, I have to be true to how I feel and speak with conviction.

I have to force myself to be around the people that I love instead of just going home and laying in bed like I want to do. I have to allow people to surround me who will let me be terrible. Because some days lately I have felt just plain terrible.

If you don't read the post, I have to highlight this point:

9.  Whatever doesn’t kill you …

In 2011, after a publically humiliating year, comedian Conan O’Brien gave students at Dartmouth College the following warning:

"Nietzsche famously said, 'Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.' … What he failed to stress is that it almost kills you.”

Odd things show up after a serious loss and creep into every corner of life: insatiable anxiety in places that used to bring you joy, detachment or frustration towards your closest companions, a deep distrust of love or presence or vulnerability.

There will be days when you feel like a quivering, cowardly shell of yourself, when despair yawns as a terrible chasm, when fear paralyzes any chance for pleasure. This is just a fight that has to be won, over and over and over again.

I hate #9 and it's truth. I've never been a particularly fearful person. I may have been careful, but for the most part if I didn't do something it was a calculated decision, not for lack of courage. But now I have this crippling fear and anxiety. There has been a lot of death in my life, both with friends and family. I'm not afraid to die. I have begged Jesus to come back quickly. I look forward to going to heaven and praising Him forever. I'm not afraid to die. What terrifies me is who I'm leaving behind. There is so much more that I can't even type here right now. I'm too overwhelmed. I'm sorry.

I can quote the scriptures. I know that God has not given me a spirit of fear. I know that He is for me, so who can be against me? My head remembers the word and I know that it's 100% true. So I just have to repeat it over and over and cling to it's truth. This will not kill me. I will come out stronger and love more deeply and appreciate life to it's fullest.

I so desire to be over this crap already. I can't help but see all the crisis in the world and become impatient with my own heart. But I hear a still small voice saying that this is just preparing me for my part in the crisis.

So I will be still and sit at the feet of my loving Abba.
And I will wait for Him to turn this aching in my soul into a burning fire that will spread His love.