But we don't always get what we want

I don't want to be picking out my outfit for tomorrow.
I don't want to dress up to be sad.
I don't want to never have another one of your hugs.
I don't want to never hear your laugh again.
I don't want to not be able to envy your cooking skills anymore.
I don't want to miss out on the beautiful children you would have had.
I don't want to never see your hilarious facial expressions again.
I don't want to miss you anymore.

But we don't always get what we want.

You are an extraordinary woman who deserves more words than my brain can function to form right now.

I miss you, Jess. I will miss you for the rest of the time I am here on this earth.

I know I will see you again, but it's not soon enough.

But again, we don't always get what we want.

Weekend Progress

We've moved!

A new house, the same town.
Closer to some friends and farther away from other friends.
More space, with not enough items to fill it.

We need a desk, make that two. We need to paint this, take that wallpaper down, buy frames, print pictures, build a table, buy furniture, hang paintings, etc. Does the list ever end?

If I can say one thing about this process is that I have loved seeing this side of my husband. In our apartment, there was a lot of sitting and not a lot of doing because we didn't have any of the space to do the doing or to put the doings after they were done. This house, however, has been put to use thoroughly and we've only been here one month. The garage has filled up with his tools, and the projects have been endless. I've seen a completely new side of him awaken. One that I knew was there, and was told numerous times was there, but had not personally witnessed. I love to see him work. I love to see him build, fix, and design things. I love to see him satisfactorily rub the sweat off of this forehead as he admires his work. It is satisfying for me to see him so in his element.

I love to see him happy, fulfilled, accomplished, tired from a good days work, satisfied.

And although I may not be a lot of help, I sure love to fill my love tank by spending quality time with him while he works!

Hopefully these types of weekends come often. They are my favorite!

Still Carrying It

Night time conversations are my favorite. Sure, sometimes, Sweetness is just stalling going to sleep. However, night time usually holds some of the most endearing moments of the day. Tonight was no different. As she was snuggling her blanket to her face, she casually said, 'Jesus is here but we can't hear him.' And a door that she has opened several times before was opened again. So instead of trying to use examples or explain it in a way that she could understand, I just decided we would ask him.

We closed our eyes, and she repeated after me to ask God to show Himself to her. When she opened her eyes she smiled.

Sweetness: I saw God with a big beard and he was handsome. And he was a king on a throne and he had a...a..jeweled thing.
Me: a crown?
Sweetness: No, a stick...with jewels on it.
Me: a staff?
Sweetness: Yeah, like Moses, but it had a lot of jewels on it. But I want to see Jesus too!

So we prayed that Jesus would show Himself to her.

Sweetness: I saw Jesus cut down trees. And it was the cross and He carried it. And He dies and three days later he rose to life again! And then when He went to heaven, He was still carrying the cross. He was carrying it forever for us.

Friend, Jesus is alive. He is still carrying the cross for us. He is still fighting for us. He is still reminding us that He took the burden off of us.

Whatever it is that is bothering you or weighing you down, lay it on the cross. I'm praying that as you read this, you will feel the weight lifted off of you. I'm praying that your mourning would turn to dancing, that your chaos would be still, and that you would experience the peace of God.

And that you would be able to close your eyes, see Jesus, and smile.