Friday, September 15, 2017

Eucatastrophe

"Saul did nothing to earn God's favor. Instead, he was on his way to hunt and kill people who believed in God, but still God chose him. (Acts 9:15) Why? It was only because of the grace of God. There is none of us who is too far gone from the love of God. His love and grace can change any heart." 

As I was writing this in my notes from the sermon that Sunday, God brought someone to mind. Someone who, in my flesh, deserves nothing. Someone I have had to choose to forgive multiple times and give my wounded heart to God to mend. I wrote their name in the margin by those words above. In that moment, I broke. God sent Ananias to meet Saul and give him a message from God. It's not that I think I am the Ananias for this person. I just received a glimpse of God's heart and felt a strange mixture of irritation and compassion, no doubt my human nature wrestling with the truth as it often does.

Immediately following this burst of the Father's love for this person I wrote, "I deserve nothing. But God gives me himself." I deserve NOTHING. This person deserves nothing. It doesn't matter what each of us did or didn't do. We are all sinners saved by grace. We are all broken in need of a Savior. 

From my notes: "It is the grace of God to expose the things in our life that are creating a barrier between us and God. He wants to set us free! He wants intimacy." God exposes sin, bitterness, and pain so that He can heal us. This was an opportunity for me to dive deeper with Him and allow healing. This was a Eucatastrohpe. 

Eucatastrophe - The sudden in-breaking of something good.

We get to experience this in our own lives, as well as help others experience this in theirs. I don't know all of the workings of God's plan. He had a grand plan for Saul who, before becoming Paul, was an awful man. God's grand plan always includes giving you a huge dose of love. With that overflow, you might also have fresh eyes of possibility for the person that you least expect.

He is in control. We don't have to be. Thank you, Jesus.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Beau's birth story

Wednesday, May 31, 2017 - Beau Nicole Garza

For about 2 weeks, I had contractions. They were uncomfortable, but not unbearable.
On the 31st, Ryot woke me up and we carried out the normal school morning routine. After she was on the bus, I had some time with Jacob before my doctor appointment. The majority of previous appointments had been afternoon appointments. This one, being in the morning, allowed Jacob to stay home. It was nice to get some time with him before our hectic day.

We went in for my last check up with my doctor before my scheduled c section two days later on June 2nd. They asked me how the baby was moving and I told them that she hadn't been moving around as much. I figured it was because I was having contractions or because she was running out of room. Just to be safe, Dr. Klein sent us to the perinatal assessment center at the hospital to check on her. They hooked me up to the monitors, and I was having contractions every 2-4 minutes. We asked her about what she thought was happening. She explained that I definitely was in labor, but they weren't sure if it was early labor or late labor. If it was early labor, then I would go home, however, if it was late labor, I would be having the baby that day! The nurse checked me, but I was only at 1 cm. The nurse said that she would check me again in an hour, then I was sent for an ultrasound to see how everything looked with our little girl. She looked great and there were no concerns at this point, which was a huge relief!

When I got back to the assessment center, the nurse decided to check me even though it hadn't been an hour yet. To all of our surprise, I was already at 3 cm! She said that she was pretty sure we were going to have the baby today but my doctor needed to make that call. A few minutes later another nurse brought a gown and an IV bag. She mentioned something about having a baby but we told her that we hadn't actually been told that yet. I said that we had been eavesdropping, but no one had officially confirmed it. She looked caught off guard and went to get the other nurse who said we were definitely having the baby that day. Only 10 minutes go by from the time that the nurse checked me until Dr. Klein pokes his head in the door and says, "Are you ready for a birthday party?". We had already been texting family what was going on, so now we got to tell them it was baby time!

I had progressed very quickly so they were rushing to get everything done before I progressed any further. Both of our phones were dying, and everything was happening 2 days early so we weren't prepared at all. As the nurses were rushing around, we were sort of rushing as well. Jacob had to make arrangements at work and we had to figure out who was going to pick Ryot up from the bus. We were in the truck, so we didn't have the car seat, and we didn't have the hospital bags or arrangements for our dog. We both had a lot scheduled for that day and so we had to move things around all while still getting ready for the csection. I had a prenatal massage scheduled for late that day that while I was being wheeled to a different floor, I told Jacob that we needed to call them and cancel it!

We got to the other floor to get ready for the c section. Jacob put on his outfit while I was taken to the OR to start the epidural. This is the point that I got a little nervous. I don't like needles, and Jacob couldn't be in there with me, so I'm so grateful for my nurse, Sharon, who grabbed me and told me to hold on tight to her so that I could get through it. I'm sure she just wanted me bent a certain way to get the right angle for the epidural, but it was still comforting to have someone to hold on to. I got the epidural and then Jacob joined my side. One hand on my forehead and the other hand holding mine, I was so thankful to have him there. One of the nurses told me that they just pinched me really hard with one of the tools and I obviously didn't feel it so we were ready to go. They started the csection and before we knew it, we heard her little cries! I got to have her on my chest for a good little bit while they finished closing me up. While he was putting in the final staples, Dr. Klein asked us, "Ok, so when do we get to do this again?" Without missing a beat, Jacob responded, "9 months, 6 weeks?" Dr. Klein and the other surgeon laughed and said that was the best response yet. I told them that we would only be doing that if Jacob was the one delivering. Too soon, guys, too soon.

The whole day when by very fast.
9:20am Dr. appt
11:30am checked at the perinatal assessment center at 1cm.
12:16pm finished with the ultrasound and checked again at 3cm. We texted family it was baby time!
1:46pm Beau's time of birth!

We are so grateful for all of the doctors and nurses who helped us at Clear Lake Regional Medical Center. If I get the chance again to go through this experience, we will definitely be coming back!

Of course, we are just smitten with our little miracle baby. She is perfect.

Beau Nicole Garza
7lb 5oz
19in
Born 5/31/2017 at 1:46pm
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Friday, March 24, 2017

Five Minute Fridays! Root Beer Mix Up

Five Minute Fridays - Write for 5 straight minutes whatever is on your mind with no surplus of time spent editing or proof reading. 5 Minutes is the minimum, max is up to you and your creative juices.

Ready, set, go!

It's been a long time since I have sat down to write. Every time that I do, I feel the obligation to explain why I have been gone. If I do go down that road, it will be another time. First, I am reminded that I owe an explanation to no one. However, second, it would be a task to unpack all that happens in this brain of mine.

So for now, I will tell you a story. I have had a nasty stomach bug since Sunday night. No pregnant woman should ever have to deal with a stomach bug. It was awful and very untimely. Thankfully, I started to feel more human yesterday. This was good timing because I had a couple work meetings that needed to happen this week.

Being the first day out of the house and running errands, I was beat by the end of the day. My stomach still a little queasy, I stopped by HEB on the way home from my meetings to get some reinforcements. Ritz Crackers, bananas, Gatorade, 7Up to name a few items on the belt, it was clear that I was buying for someone that didn't feel good. The only thing that looked like it didn't belong was some Saint Arnold's root beer that my husband, and myself when I'm not sick, loves. As I waited in the line, I leaned on the cart with my head in my hands taking deep breaths and praying for my stomach to settle.

"How are you today?" a smiley, bright-eyed cashier greeted me. I answered politely and survived his small talk as he was ringing the items up and sliding them down the belt. As I paid for my purchases, he started bagging some of the items.

"Are you sure you're old enough for this stuff?" he asks as he bags the root beer.
A little shocked and confused, I laughed and replied, "I'm 27, so yes, I can buy alcohol, but that is definitely root beer."
"Oh" was all he could muster as he looked back and forth between me and the root beer double checking that it was indeed root beer.
Then I added with a grin, "Plus, I'm pregnant so I'm not going to be drinking beer right now anyway."
He smiled a little and responded, "Oh, so you're sticking to the light stuff, huh?"
I laughed but couldn't make eye contact at this point because I couldn't tell if he was serious or not. He laughed again and said, "Have a nice day." I returned the sentiment and waddled away with my groceries.

A couple thoughts on this interaction:

- I love people. I love that they are weird and sometimes socially awkward.
- I love that I am not easily offended. The whole conversation was hilarious to me, and I'm sure will be one to remember.
- The poor guy will probably pay closer attention to what he is ringing up from now on. But wait, was he really going to just sell me the alcohol when he wasn't sure that I was old enough? Did he think that that casual question would be enough to tell if I was old enough or not.
- Another question, Do I really look like I'm not 21? In business clothes, wearing my work name tag, wearing my wedding rings, pregnant? I'm not complaining. I am going to hang on to this baby face for as long as I can.
- God provides humor even when we feel crappy. And I love Him for it.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Embody the Crazy

This weekend I attended a conference called World Mandate. I couldn't unpack all of the truths and great conversations right now even if I tried. That will possibly be a different day, with clearer thoughts.

As we were getting out of the car tonight, Sweetness said, "I really hope I can just go in and go lay in bed because I'm really cold and tired." Same, child, same. That is exactly what she did. She was asleep before I said 'amen' in our prayers.

I went downstairs to do the same, after a couple adult-ish things like taking vitamins and such. I pulled my hair into a messy bun to brush my teeth. Right on the top of my head there was a short, wavy grey hair sticking out above the rest. To the right tucked back in the pony tail was a trail of grey and white hairs. I'm used to seeing them, and actually have a lot of grey hairs that tend to hide just under the top layer of my hair.

Recently I had a conversation with some friends who are older than me about grey hair. I told them that I love my grey hairs. Their response was that I loved them now but just wait a couple years, and continued with the different colors they have tried to dye their hair to hide greys.

Maybe in a few years I will hate my grey hairs. Maybe their unpredictable nature will irritate me and I will start dyeing my hair. I can't promise how I will feel at a later date. However, right now I love them. I love how they curl and stick out. I love how they hide just under the surface most of the time. I love how they have a spring in their nature that's unapologetic.

I hope with each passing year, my inhibitions become just like those grey hairs.
I hope that over the years my maturity and crazy levels rise at the same rate.

How great would that be? I would love to be the crazy grey haired lady that hides candy in her pocket and says what she means, in love of course. I am hardwired to be on the cautious and strategic side of things, which has served me well in several areas of my life. But I want to be wild.

I want to grow to embody the emotions of that crazy, curly, grey hair that stood tall out of my head above the rest.

Some of you will ask, why wait until you are old? I'm not. I'm exploring and learning and letting go every day. I just hope, in the end, that I arrive wild, free, uninhibited, light, and full of crazy ideas.

Friday, January 27, 2017

Beneath the Surface

As I was patiently waiting and watching people flow in and out of the cafe, I noticed that most had grimacing looks or technology glued to their faces. The lack of caffeine has that effect on most Americans. I placed my mobile order a little late and walked in earlier than when the drink was ready. I didn't mind. My phone was still in the car, so I had a couple minutes to scan the room and watch the barista work. 

The barista finished topping the drink with a beautiful design of froth. It's a simple joy, really, to enjoy the sight of something just as much as what it fulfills for you. The leaf on top of the froth didn't add to the flavor, in fact, getting a mouthful of just froth is jarring. But somehow, it made me more excited to enjoy my drink.

It was hiding under the surface. Only she knew it was there. Well, only she knew until I saw it. She was efficient and precise, and yet she took the perfect amount of extra time to add beauty to ordinary. How many times do we pass by the extraordinary to merely be productive? Don't get me wrong, I love a good list. I have different lists. Lists that are color coordinated on the fridge, in my planner, and on the back of the random Hobby Lobby receipt I found in my car. Getting things done is exhilarating for me, but merely taking crossing something off the list is not what we were created to do.

I want to be more like that barista. After she drew the beautiful design, she put the lid on it and called out my name not realizing I was standing there the whole time. She didn't make known the beauty she had created. Being a beauty creator is simply part of the person she is. What are we doing to tend to what's under the surface? I want to be known for creating beauty even in the mundane.

Beauty, breakthrough, and deeply rooted joy is available for you in all that you do today. You just need to tap into it.