Storytime: Just a dent

They were watching the video and laughing uncontrollably. They were mumbling things and were sometimes disgusted. I had no idea what the video was about but from what I could gather it was highschool boy humor. I was still on the phone with a vendor sorting out invoicing issues so I was only half listening.

Driver said to coworker, 'oh man, Kayla's gotta see this.' To which coworker quickly responded, 'no, she doesn't want to see that kind of stuff.' They went back and forth for a while as the driver tried to convince the coworker that it would be funny to see my reaction. Coworker finally said, 'she's respectful and doesn't shove what she believes down our throats. So you need to be respectful too. She wouldn't like that video.' Driver called him a buzzkill and walked out. 

I tried not to smile since I wasn't supposed to be listening to the conversation. But this was a clear gift from God. I prayed earnestly for the people that I worked with. I prayed that I wouldn't get pulled into the vulgarity that often accompanies the oil industry. I prayed that I would somehow make an impact on the people around me. I prayed that they would see Jesus.

What a gift this was to me!
Sometimes, an impact is made that you can't see.
And of course, right when I felt like my efforts were just smashing against the rocks, I saw a glimpse of light on the shadow.

Everything you say either waters or withers the seed.
We can't know what's happening below the surface.
But God was so good to give me a glimpse that I was walking in the right direction.

Continue to be faithful to the people around you. Even when you think they aren't listening or don't care. God will work miracles and soften people's hearts if you are open to it.

The harvest is plentiful. We just have to continue laboring.
There are rewards. There is hope.
And this is the most important thing that you could possibly be doing.
Even if you only make a dent.

It just takes time.

I remember several years ago being in church and through tears singing, "you take my mourning and turn it into dancing, you take my sadness and turn it into joy". At the moment, I was singing a message I can't say that I really believed. But I desperately wanted to. After some time went by I could confidently say that He turned my mourning into dancing and my sadness into joy. He answered the prayer that I didn't even say out loud, even if it wasn't within my timetable.

Through every new step in my life, I have had to re-evaluate what that truth means to me. I asked myself questions like:

What does it look like?
How does it feel?
What does it mean to me personally?
How do I practically see that in my life?

If you haven't experienced tragedy then turning mourning into dancing will look different than it does after your friend dies, your sister gets cancer, or your grandma is in the hospital. At every stage, I fall back on what I know to be true. He is good. He is really good. He loves me. He is in control. He has already defeated death and sin. I just repeat it over and over until I believe it. And as I repeat it, I unpack a little more of God's character and my place with it all. Then I'm left with the responsibility of that knowledge which leads me to change my way of thinking, the way I talk, and what I do. The different depths of knowledge of victory over darkness should change the way we act every time we step deeper.

I can still confidently say that He is the good One who turns sadness into joy. It looks a little different than it did 10 years ago, of course, but as the pain has gotten deeper, the redemption has been deeper and the intimacy with Jesus sweeter.

They say time heals all wounds. I say time gives us some perspective so Jesus can step in and heal all our wounds.

Growing Pains

Feedback is always wanted.
Until you get it.
Then it's slightly dreaded, fretted over, analyzed, and processed.
Growth is desired, but growing pains not.

I'm learning.