Laugh At Me

The other morning I was put in an incredibly awkward and irritating situation. My driver didn't receive all the information from me, but when I relayed the correct information to the client, my driver twisted it to seem like my fault and both he and the client laughed at me. I turned around and walked inside furious. When the client left, I calmly approached my driver and told him that next time I would appreciate more communication and more professional conduct in front of clients. I was really polite about it and we cordially ended the conversation on the same page.

I exhaled as I walked back to my office, frustrated.
I sat down at my desk, frustrated.
I analyzed the conversation and how badly I looked like an idiot in front of the client - a conversation that can't be taken back.
My reputation was marred.
I was laughed at.
I was horrified.

Then like a ton of bricks I was hit with the picture of the Savior of the world who did nothing wrong, laughed at as people threw stones at him, beat him, and spit in His face. They spit in the face of the very person who desperately wanted them to know how much he loved them. And I'm worried about one man getting the wrong idea of how competent I am at my job?

I can't help but get emotional at how wrong I have it, so often.
The importance is not how I come across, but how Jesus comes across through me.
The bottom line is not that I am good at what I do, but that I am changed and driven by a different source.

I'm so thankful that the same standards I sometimes think I have the right to hold to others are not forced on me.

I'm so thankful for vision beyond what I can see.
I'm so thankful for insight to things my flesh would reject.
I'm so thankful for grace.

It's Messy

There is more mercy for you than you realize.

All of the time you spend beating yourself up, Jesus would rather you be at His feet soaking in His presence.

He wants to tell you just how beautiful he thinks you are.
He wants to give you love and mercy enough so you have no choice but to give some away.

Readily available are hundreds of neatly designed quotes of how "my cup overflows", but have you stopped to think about what that's really like? I don't remember giggling with glee the last time that I poured too much coffee in my cup and it spilled on the counter. I was irritated. It was messy.

How much more messy is the unfathomable, uncontainable love of a perfect Father to His dearly beloved children?

He pours and pours until we think we can't hold it any longer and he keeps pouring as it spills over the sides of our hearts, into our lungs as we breathe, flowing through every blood vessel until it oozes out of our pores and bellows out of our mouths in various forms of laughter, song, wisdom, discipleship, gentle rebuke, mercy, and love to all who we encounter.

His love is messy, perfectly.

It's sticky. It's intended to be sticky. It's still there when you think you don't have any remaining, the remnants are left behind to cling to until your surrender welcomes you back to sit at His feet to get refilled.

There is mercy available for the taking. Just ask for it.

Happiest of Birthdays!

Cassie. Oh my goodness, you are a treasure in my life.
The first person to ever pray healing over me and me be able to see and feel tangible results.
You have a servant heart that myself and everyone who knows you admires and aspires to be more like.
Absolutely hilarious, and your laughter is contagious. You exude joy with ease.
Real, raw, vulnerable, and so open. You invite people in and create a space of comfort.
Huge heart and always so encouraging.
Happiest of birthdays, faithful one! I love you and our friendship!

Caitlin. You amazing unicorn, you!!
I'm remembering at the ATS retreat before we got our Myers Briggs results and I was desperately trying to come up with something creative and I just can't compete with you. I'm not even on the same playing field! haha!
God has gifted you with this spirited, lively, active, beautiful, adventurous, exciting imagination.
You are a dreamer and visionary. God uses and will continue to use that mind of yours to bring His light to the earth!
You create an atmosphere of joy. You know how to laugh and always leave a trail of happiness wherever you go.
Happiest of birthdays, joyful one! I love you and our friendship!

Ali. You are the best. Seriously.
There's not one person who truly knows you that doesn't love you. Anyone that you think doesn't like you, just hasn't had the chance to really see your brilliance yet.
I feel like you have God on speed dial and are constantly clothed in His anointing.
You radiate peace and are always so welcoming to everyone.
Your eyes see the goodness in those who can't even see it in themselves.
Your story is amazing and I know that there are so many chapters waiting to surprise you with His goodness. And you will be ready for it because you are always so in tune with His heart.
Happiest of birthdays, chosen one! I love you and our friendship!

Calah. Name buddy, heart buddy, and beautiful songbird.
I smile and laugh typing this because that is how you effect the world.
You are a beacon of light.
Your heart is so tender for others and so eager to seek after Jesus.
It's so inspiring to know someone who is so teachable and open for God to mold you and shape you to be more like Him.
Not only are you naturally talented with a beautiful voice, but your heart and attitude are always inviting people to a posture of worship. When you speak and sing, you tangibly bring the love of the Father to those who hear you.
Happiest of birthdays, lovely one! I love you and our friendship!


How did I get so lucky to be surrounded by these beautiful women of faith!?
Maybe because I'm God's favorite.
Yeah, I think that's it.

Even if

We sing songs about having joy through trials. We read scriptures about overcoming mountains or casting our cares on the Lord. But what does that really mean when 'trials' is given a real name?

I'm trading the grief of miscarriage for the joy of the Lord. 

I'm casting my care of job loss on the altar. 

I'm laying my desire for healing at the feet of Jesus. 

I'm letting go of [insert grief/worry/fear] and falling into His grace/mercy/love. 

God is good. When the world is against you, He is for you. When the world tries to create doubt and wedge distance, God is runnin toward you to close the gap. He wants you to fall into His arms and let Him carry your burden. 

He is good. 

Tonight my declaration is that the fear or sadness of the unknown of whether I will ever see my mom, dad, or Brent again is not comparable to the goodness of Gods glory that I have tasted and seen and know to be concretely true. 

So for now I cherish every moment I have with those I know and I cling to the hope that I have in Jesus. 

He is the hope. 

Even if I never know the why, he is worth every question asked. 

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

My coworker left early yesterday because he said he wasn't feeling well.

Coworker: I went to the gym yesterday and killed it. These girls were staring at me, they were alright, and they asked to take a picture with me. Oh yeeeah buddy, I still got it.
*then he flexed and dropped down and did 10 pushups while screaming "GAINS"*

Just minutes later we have this conversation:

Coworker: Can you text [our boss] and ask him to pick me up a Monster on his way in and I will pay him back?
Me: Um.....no?
Coworker: Yes you can. I believe in you. *he walks out of the room*

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. It's only 9am.

Jesus, help me.

Help me see him like you see him.

He is strong and funny and definitely one of a kind. His personality is contagious when he isn't being obnoxious. He is obnoxious because the needs of His soul aren't being met by the only one who can fulfill them.

God, you long to meet Him where He is and spread your love and mercy and confidence in all of those gaps that tell him he isn't good enough or that he has to fight for attention. He doesn't have to fight for acceptance or attention. You a;ready adore him exactly as He is, but he just doesn't know it.

I just don't like him. But you love him more than I can ever imagine. You have given him a unique set of talents, skills, and gifts that only he possesses. You have treasure available for your kingdom that only he can unlock and he doesn't even know that he holds the key. He is a vital part of your plan. His story is important and somehow has intertwined with mine for the glory of your name.

He is your son. He is royalty. He is beloved.

Help me to see him how you see him. Help me to respond in a way that cares for your precious son who is running from you. Help me bring him home with a gentle heart, mercy, and patience.

You are so good. You always have been and always will be.

2 Corinthians 4:6 For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made His Light shine in our hearts to give us the Light of the knowledge of God's Glory displayed in the face of Christ.

I have the experiential knowledge of your glory and love. I have seen your goodness and your grace. I have tangibly felt your mercy and deep devotion over my life from my dark tragedy to true joy and peace that really does surpass all understanding.

Please let that light shine in me. Help me to see him like you see him. Help me to respond in a way that honors you. Help me to love him like a brother.





Is there anyone in your life that could use a change in perspective?
Just ask Him. He will answer.

A little jealousy

A sweet new life was brought into the world 6 days ago. The labor that it took to bring her into the world was hard, painful, and at times unsure. It was scary waiting for each update from my family. How was my sister in law? How was my niece? What were the doctors saying? Were they ok?

Now days later and all of that is in the past. Sure, my sister in law is still recovering from the natural pain of childbirth, but all is well and we are all so in love with our newest addition.

Adalyn Grace, you have been prayed for and loved from the moment we got the surprising news that you existed.

A couple days ago, Hubs, Sweetness, and I went to visit Adalyn. It was the first time that Sweets was going to hold her and she was so excited as we walked over to their apartment. We walked into the apartment and the very first thing that my Sweetness did was ask for some cheetos that she saw on the counter. What an abrupt anti-climax, right? Yeah, I felt it too. I was so excited to see my baby loving on another little baby. I had, unknowingly, built up all of these expectations of how she would act when she saw Adalyn. And then, she just wanted cheetos.

She did ask to hold her eventually and we snapped a picture.

She was a little nervous to give her a kiss, but I think that was more because we were all watching her. Eventually she gave her kisses and she was done holding her. I held Adalyn for a good time as we talked with family. I loved the familiar feeling of that tiny warm body nestled into my arms. Oh, my whole body ached smelling her fresh baby skin and feeling her soft hair.

Sweetness came over to me and asked to hold her again. I let her sit in my lap and hold Adalyn for a little bit until she was ready to get up. She stood up and whispered in my ear, "I want you to put the baby on the ground". I looked at her sweet face and recognized instantly how much her request needed to be answered. I passed Adalyn along and immediately my big, no longer a baby, 3 yr old crawled in my lap and laid in the same position I was holding Adalyn.

She needed to be held and doted over. She needed me to brush her hair out of her face and gaze at her with overwhelming affection. And I did, because she brings that out of me naturally. My usually busy 3 yr old laid in my arms like she did as a cuddly infant for way longer than I ever expected her usual high energy levels to allow her. She was content to just be in my arms as I rocked her and gave her kisses.

We all laughed a little at how jealous she became, but I know she just needed that time with me. I'm believing that one day Sweetness will have younger siblings. There will be some days that I have to give special attention to the baby while she does other things as the more self-sufficient big sister. But for now, we can just sit, and rock, and whisper.

For now and for always, you will be my baby, my dear Sweet Ryot.

Happy National Siblings Day!

April 10th is a lot of things.
April 10th is nearing the deadline to file my taxes. Yikes.
April 10th is only 7 days away from my Nephew's birthdays!
April 10th is only 8 days away from my Uncle's birthday, and my favorite Piper's birthday!
April 10th is only 8 days away from my sister in law's due date, and subsequently baby Adalyn's birthday/entrance into the world! (maybe)
April 10th is National encourage a young writer's day. I'm pretty sure that means encourage a young aspiring author, but I have a young writer hanging out with me at the office who loves to write her name. I just bought her a preschool work book that we are going to begin working through, and I know she will need some encouragement!
April 10th is National Farm Animals Day. I will print out some farm coloring pages today and maybe go through all of the different animals that live on a farm with my Sweetness.
April 10th is National Cinnamon Crescent Day. How the Cinnamon Crescent got it's own National celebration, I'm not sure. Maybe I will have Ryot help me make some sort of cinnamon bread dessert after work. Maybe...

April 10th is also National Siblings day- which is really what I wanted to write about.

I have siblings, I have cousin siblings, I have sibling-in-laws, and I have friends that might as well be my siblings. You might look at that and think one big episode of Maury. But I look at that and know that even when life tried to throw us all around a bit, we still made it with our heads high above water and an unbreakable bond.

I love them all. I would love to honor each of them individually, but let's be honest, you have more to do with your life than sit and read this blog post for 4 hours. You're welcome. So I will honor them by category with just five descriptive words (or word phrases).

My siblings:
Coral - Big sister, second mom, intelligent, gorgeous, talented.
Dustin - Big Brother, idol when I was growing up, hilarious, hard-working, servant-hearted, fearless.

My sister-cousins:
Jennifer - Trust-worthy, beautiful, compassionate, thoughtful, wise.
Lindsey - Spontaneous, genius, creative, witty, confident.
Allison - Spirited, inventive, stunning, ambitious, humble.

My Sibling-in-laws:
Heidi: Beautiful, trust-worthy, creative, down to earth, talented.
Patrick: Hilarious, intelligent, tall, skillful, likeable.
Seth: Leader, faithful, funny, strong spirited, reflective.
Scotty: Ambitious, joyful, steadfast, witty, smart.
Nate: Hilarious, active, humble, hard working, supportive.
Ashley: Talented, empathetic, visionary, beautiful, encouraging.
Thomas: Leader, clever, resolute, emboldening, loyal.
Kendra: Kind-hearted, enchanting, sincere, confident, graceful.
Cody: Considerate, skillful, dynamic, devoted, hilarious.


All of my friends- you know who you are- you have made the rough years bearable and the good years great. I love you. Thank you.

I have the greatest group of siblings and so many nieces and nephews. I can't wait for baby Adalyn to enter the world and for Allison and Nate have kids. The more the merrier!

Love you people! I'm so blessed to call you my family!

Cruise Control

I don't want you to be on cruise control. Put your hands on the wheel; feel its grip. Don't let it swerve off of the path, but be careful for the bumps along the way. I want you to speed up and slow down when I tell you. I want you to follow the signs I have strategically placed, however inconvenient they may seem. I am working all things for good.

Turn up the radio, let the wind blow your hair, and trust me.

I got this.