The Brutal Truth: Paying for Everything

I was listening to 100.3 KILT this morning on my way to work. Every morning, they have a segment called "The Brutal Truth" where a touchy subject is dissected by the DJ's and listeners. Anyone can call in and give their opinion on the issue.

I love this.

I love this for multiple reasons. One reason is because I love people. I love the differences in opinions and thought processes. Everyone has a way of thinking or way of doing things, which most everyone thinks is the 'right' way. This is due to the personal experiences and knowledge that that person has built up in their life to cause them to think this way. Another reason I love the brutal truth is because it challenges me. They bring up topics that make me think, and some of them I've never even considered. I like the intellectual stimulation, the challenge and the way is forces me to consider my own experiences, knowledge and belief on the situation.

A couple weeks ago, the brutal truth was from a 40 yr old single mom of a teenager. She said that her son's friend who was 18 was really hitting on her and she didn't know if she should accept his advances or not. She said that she was conflicted because he seemed very mature for his age, was very good looking, sweet, kind, and an adult - meaning he was 18. This, to me, was immediately a no-brainer that it was inappropriate for her to even be considering acting on the advances of her teenage son's friend. In my opinion, there are too many grey lines and I think that age gap is a little too significant at that point in time. (Again, just my opinion) But I was surprised to hear the conflicting arguments from listeners calling in.

Today was different. Today was about money. A guy called in saying that he has been dating a girl for 3 months and he has to pay for everything. She has not offered to pay for anything, but still wants to go out and do a lot of activities, dinners, movies, etc. The DJ's were conflicted in their answers. One of the guys said that it was about chivalry and the guy should just pay because that is what he is supposed to do. The girl said that on the first couple dates the guy should pay, no doubt. However, if you have been dating for a while it should turn into a partnership where the it is give and take.

Another piece to the puzzle - If after the couple has been dating for a while it was decided that there should be more of a partnership instead of a one-way street, how does he bring the conversation up? Does he even bring the conversation up? Does he talk about how expensive something is or does he mention that he maybe can't afford to go somewhere? This is where the lines got a little hazy for me.

I think this is about chivalry and partnership. I hold southern values that the guy should open the door (cars and buildings) for girls. I think that he should stand up when she arrives and leaves the table. I love hearing yes ma'am and no ma'am. (melts my heart!) I believe whole-heartedly in chivalry, respect and doting on the person you care about. And because of this, I don't think it is ever ok in the beginning of a relationship to complain about how expensive something is. Oh man, that makes me nervous even thinking about it. I mean if you see something that is waaay out of your league and you joke about how you can't afford it, that's different. But if you are complaining that the tab or the restaurant is too expensive, then you shouldn't be going out on a date, or you should have planned a different date. Don't make your date feel bad or awkward. That's rude.

Now, I think in the case of the guy that called in to the Brutal Truth, I honestly don't know what to tell him. I think that she should be chipping in a little every now and then. I also think that it should be at her prompting and it shouldn't have to be brought up in a formal conversation. I think the only way this would work is if he was pretty smooth about it, like:

"I'll buy the concert tickets if you buy the drinks."
"I'll buy the movie tickets if you buy the popcorn."
"I'll buy dinner if you buy dessert."

And even this can be taken the wrong way. If this was said to me on the first date, I don't think I would like that. But if we had been dating for 3 months, I think this would be perfectly normal. I think in this guy's case, it all boils down to the pattern that he has set and her willingness to be a partner with him instead of just mooching.

I don't think that my opinion is necessarily the only right answer, but it is how I feel based on my experiences, knowledge and belief.

What do you think? Should his girlfriend be helping him pay for things? Should he bring it up in conversation? HOW would he bring it up in conversation? What do YOU think?

Quit Anything Thursday and Updates

I haven't written in a while. Not because I didn't want to. Not because I'm not learning anything. Not because I am having writer's block. There have been several days that I have sat down to write with great intention and then pulled away for one reason or another.

Random Update: GO!

1. I met my new baby niece, Addi. She is SO stinkin cute and I couldn't love her more if I tried. She does this awesome scrunchy scowl face. I love the personality that she has developed already. I can't wait to see her grow up and especially to see her wear some of the cute outfits that Ryot wore! Addison Reese, Aunt Kayla loves you so much!

2. I got to meet my new baby cousin Kellon. He is so chill!! I couldn't believe it! I don't think I heard him cry the entire time that we visited. I held him a lot to help soak up my baby fever and to hopefully help my cuz Lindsey have a bit of a break. She looks awesome for having three kids, by the way. I only have one kid who is TWO and she has three kids all under 4! Ridiculous and amazing. Riley, I had so much fun playing at the park with you! Sawyer, we didn't hand out too much because you are still a big mama's boy, but you are growing so fast! So handsome! And Kellon, I hope for your mama's sake that you stay as sweet and chill as you were with me. You are an awesome, charming little angel! Love you kiddos!

3. Ryot is 2! How time went by this fast I have no idea. I remember my pregnancy. I remember trying to discover her name. I remember telling my friends and family. I remember her being modest and not wanting to show me that she was a girl. haha. I remember the discomfort, but that is far overshadowed by the immense joy that she has brought in my life. She truly is a gift from God and my life has been forever changed. I couldn't love her more if I tried. Hello terrible, I mean terrific two's!

4. I got more work done on my 3/4 length sleeve....and actually I got the outline done the day before I went to Plano to visit everyone, but I just wore a longer shirt and kept quiet about it because I didn't want it to have to be explained or looked down on. But I just got more work done on it two days ago and only have one more session for it to be complete! I love it! Looking at now, it seems that it was always supposed to be a part of me. I see it as an extension of my personality, not just art or a statement. It has also helped me start up conversations with people that normally would not have just come up to me and talk to me. I love that. :)

5. I am going to lose 30lb by Nov 1. Bring it! Last night I did 100 crunches and 155 squats. After, I walked a mile and then ran/walked 2 miles while I was watching Knight and Day with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. I was sweating like a crazy mad woman. It was gross, but I felt GREAT afterwards. I'm not sore today at all which I think it really weird. I feel like I should be sore. I'm ridiculously tired, but not sore. Hmmmmmmm, well I will be back at it tonight. I have a goal and I'm NOT budging. I just want my outside to match how I feel on the inside. :)

6. Rock the Dock - I love it. I love live music. I love watching Ryot play and have fun. I love to have a little drink as the week draws to a close. I love to be surrounded in a sea of people all singing to their favorite songs. I love the atmosphere. Every Thursday, you know where I will be. Who wants to join?

**I just wrote like three paragraphs about woman in the workplace, but had to erase it because I think I will either do a full feature post on my opinion or not say anything at all. Not sure what to do with that one yet and I have to follow my prompting. My prompting, my 'good angel', my 'conscience', my 'gut feeling', my intuition - this is the Holy Spirit. And when the Holy Spirit prompts or pushes you to do something you obey. Even if it goes against your emotions, you obey because it will ALWAYS be the right decision. Emotions are not reliable, God is always reliable. I have never known this more than the past couple weeks. I was in a bit of a rut, so I stood firm and relied on God. But then that quickly changed to a self-will of thinking "I can make it on my own" which is NOT the way to go because I was quickly reminded that I can do nothing on my own.

I can't handle the stress of being a single mom - working full time, coming home to a sweet little girl full of energy and Googling where I can access an endless supply of energy so that I can keep up with playing outside, building forts, epic dance parties, painting nails, art projects, cooking dinner, cleaning up from dinner, bath time, bed time routine, working out so that I can avoid the "she's 2, it's not baby weight any more" conversations and cleaning the house that said 2 yr old just destroyed.

 

But with God I don't have to stress or worry or over-analyze.

 

Part of the sermon my Pastor so awesomely delivered on Sunday talked about how the enemy plants the same unoriginal doubts in our minds to make us ineffective. If you pay attention, you will be able to identify what the enemy uses to make you ineffective. Personally, I can see the same thread through every argument, every bad day, every sad day, every idle time in my life all boils down to this phrase:

 

"I am not enough" 

 

Not smart enough.

Not pretty enough.

Not efficient enough.

Not witty enough.

Not skinny enough.
Not a good enough mom.
Not a good enough friend.
Not a good enough employee.
Not a good enough Christian.
 

 

With God, I AM enough.

With God I can focus on what is the most important thing, my heart for His people. It doesn't matter if I have a little extra cushion or a bigger dress size. It doesn't matter that my house isn't white-glove dust test approved. It doesn't matter if at the end of the day, my desk is still covered in paper. It doesn't matter that I don't have the witty comeback just at the right time. It doesn't matter that I'm not the best at everything. What matters is that I love God and love His people. What matters is that I pour myself into the people and things around me and let God work through me.

His will, not mine. His purpose, not mine. His power, not mine. His timing, not mine.

With God I am equipped with His Spirit which gives me everything I need to live a life full of adventure, purpose and packed with a punch!

It doesn't matter that I am a single mom or that I have tattoos, a car missing a back bumper, no health insurance or a coffee addiction. All of that can, and actually already has been used for me to talk about others to God.

I was supposed to post this as my "quit anything Thursday" post, but yesterday I officially quit living in fear of not being enough. I already have proof from a more important opinion that I am.

Done and done. :)