Newsroom - 31DC5

Not having a computer at home makes it difficult to blog so I'm going to pull the Sparky's blog challenge minimum requirement. 

Day 5 of the 31 Day Challenge: my guilty pleasure. 

I don't know if it's technically a guilty pleasure but I'm addicted. It's hilariously witty and able to keep my interest for several episodes in a row. Newsroom. Watch it. 

Mama's perfume -31DC4

I only remember one chore I ever truly loved. I remember the small end table with delicate gold-colored legs. I would carefully remove each bottle of my mother's perfume taking time to smell every one. Pronouncing their names was an impossible task, but fun to try nonetheless. The shelves of the table were round mirrors that I would slowly wipe with my soft rag to remove dust and small marks so I could see my reflection. Looking in that glass I remembered thinking that maybe one day I would be pretty like mama.

Yes, one day.





31DC4

"What's in a Name?" - 31DC3

Name. Titles. Labels. They're funny things.

Whether they are merely informational, meant to draw you in, or specifically descriptive, they have a job to do. Day 3 on the 31 Day Challenge prompted me to write about  the "Meaning of my Business Name". I don't have a business, but I do have some other names! Enjoy...

I took a quiz today on BrainFall.com asking how Texan I am. I was not surprised to receive my results that I was only 17% Texan. My Mr. likes to point out that I have lived in Texas longer than I've lived anywhere else, but it still doesn't feel like home. There are a lot of things that I feel land far inferior to the beautiful beaches in Destin, FL, but I am trying my best to make this state home. I don't know if I will live here forever, but I like the idea of living close to our families. Maybe one day I will identify as a Texan. Maybe...
(Side note to all you "Don't mess with Texas" people. The slogan "Don't mess with Texas" really has to do with littering, not some macho Texas-is-better-than-everything slogan. For real, check it out here. End Rant.)

Most of my more recent usernames for social media or shopping websites are some form of "quietryot". I didn't choose it to reference the band, Quiet Riot, because I didn't even know they existed at the time of said username creation. I chose it because I thought it was clever and it is the opposite of the Sweetness' name. She has moments of quiet, but it's usually when she is sleeping. All awake hours are full of sweet songs, gibberish, talking, whining, laughing, screaming, giggling, shhhing her baby, or crying. She doesn't have very many quiet bones in her which is why the username makes me smile.

My name was given to me at birth. Honestly, I never have particularly cared for my first name, but it's the only one I've got, so I'll keep it. My middle name, however, I love. My middle name is my Granny's first name. I like that I'm Granny's namesake. We have a special bond, a connection. I wouldn't trade that for the world. My last name currently is my old married name and I CAN'T WAIT to get rid of it. It rhymes with my first name which is really tacky, and I'm no longer any form of the girl I used to be. I'm very much looking forward to adapting a new name in 127 days. New Name. New Beginning. I like that.

This is the Kabalarian Analysis of my name:

• Your name of Kayla creates an intense desire for association with people and new experiences, many of which have been rather bitter.
   
• This name has given you a gregarious personality and a quick-thinking, creative, and versatile nature, but one that is unstable emotionally.
   
• You desire change and travel and would enjoy opportunities that allowed you to be creative and to act independently, rather than to conform to system and routine.
   
• However, this name does not allow you to complete your undertakings, as farther fields always look greener.
   
• Although you may appear confident and positive, you actually lack confidence and feel self-conscious at times.
   
• This name spoils patience and depth of thought, and weakens your stand in matters of principle.
   
• You are too open to suggestion, and thus you could become involved in detrimental associations which could lead you into by-paths of thrill-seeking or emotional indulgence.
   
• Any weakness in your health would appear in the fluid functions as kidney, bladder, or circulatory problems.
   
• or in a sensitivity affecting your stomach.

I could agree with some and disagree with others, but is it that all people names "Kayla" have these qualities? I think that highly unlikely. You can find out your name analysis here.


What about you?
Are you a Texan?
Does your username describe you?
Do you like your given name or do you want to change it?

What's in a name?





31DC3

20 Facts about ME! - 31DC2

I remember the youth group leaders walking around with a bag full of M&M's telling us all to take a handful. The moment they told us not to eat them I knew I should have only grabbed a few instead of the overflowing handful I had then. It was after taking our handful that we learned that for every M&M, we would have to tell something about ourselves. That's a scary thing for a group of middle and high school kids to do. But we did it. We opened up. We formed closer bonds. We learned about each other. We connected.

So today, as part of my 31 Day Challenge, I am going to share 20 facts about me with you!

1. I can whistle a note, but not a tune.

2. My sense of direction likens that of a blindfolded tourist who has been spun around 37 times and dropped off in a foreign country.

3. I would rather be given choices, than free reign.

4. I take pictures of everything and everyone at every moment. I'm not ashamed.

5. Summer is my favorite season. I don't mind the heat, but I hate wearing shorts. It's a dilemma. 

6. I love variety and exploration, but not change. Why ruin a good thing? For example, I love trying new restaurants, but I usually order the same thing at old restaurants.

7. I'm texture sensitive. I can't stand the feel and sound of styrofoam, the feeling of microfiber and suede, or eating anything spongy or slimy like cooked mushrooms. This is why I sometimes will eat watermelon even though I don't like the taste. It has a neat crisp texture.

8. I love meeting new people. They fascinate me. 

9. I am a plant killer. I don't mean to. I just can't keep them alive no matter how hard I try.

10. I'm not a foodie. If I could live off of fruit, chocolate, and coffee, I would in a heartbeat. 

11. Speaking of heart beat, mine is particularly slow...like a resting rate between 30-40 bpm, known as Bradycardia.  

12. I love children. I want to have 5 naturally and through adoption. I would also love to foster. I have 1 beautiful little girl who I have the best relationship with. It secretly makes me want to have all boys for the other babies so that I can have something special between me and her. 

13. I am not afraid of spiders that can kill me, but I am afraid of roaches just because they are disgusting.

14. My favorite smells are coffee and cranberry mandarin. I can't stand vanilla and lavender.

15. My big brother was and is my hero. Always has been, always will be. 

16. I have several countdowns active on my phone for birthdays, holidays, and random events. I like to keep track of time spent and time left.

17. My level of math expertise stops around 3rd grade. 

18. I obsessively watch the speedometer when I'm driving. I have a heavy foot, but I'm terrified to get a ticket. Because of this slight anxiety and #2, I really don't like driving.

19. I'm a hugger. I hug people I have just met. 

20. In 128 days I am marrying "him whom my soul loves". (SOS 3:4) Fact: I never thought I would find a man of his caliber. Who he is encourages me to be a better and truer version of me as a person, a friend, an almost wife, a mom, etc. I love him.



31DC2

Blinking Blinker -31DC1

Blink, blink, blink, blinkblink, blinkblinkblink. Curse you, blinking cursor.

I can't stare at this blank page anymore. This feeling of blah when I open the page needs to go back to whatever black hole it came form. Where is the spunk? Where is the inspiration? Why can't I continue writing my cliffhanger? Where are all the funny stories? What is the pause in my brain from expressing my thoughts? How do I have so much going on and yet no way of explaining it?

A challenge will do the trick...maybe. I'm gonna stick it through. I can do anything for just 31 days. The full list of the challenge can be found here.

Today is supposed to be an introduction. Welcome. Welcome to my blogging brain space. I am not solely responsible for what ends up here. I'm just transcribing the madness that occurs up top. I can't begin to count the number of times I actually have to go back and re-read my posts because I really can't remember what all happened during my blogging minutes. Also what could contribute to this is the other 37 things that are usually going on at the same time. 

If you continue reading past this, I applaud you in your weirdness. I promise, good things are to come. 

I'm gonna start a riot.

I'm gonna fan the flame.

I'm gonna make some noise.

I'm gonna woo some hearts. 

I'm gonna change the rules.

I'm gonna break the barricades.

I'm gonna cross the line.

I'm gonna make mistakes. 

I'm gonna triumph over the enemy.

I'm gonna wage a war. 

I'm gonna eat a lot of chocolate.

Come start a fire with me...

5 Min Fridays! #firstworldproblems

Five Minute Fridays - Write for 5 straight minutes whatever is on your mind with no surplus of time spent editing or proof reading. 5 Minutes is the minimum, max is up to you and your creative juices.

Ready, set, go!

As I was late to get Sweetness from daycare, the combination of working mommy guilt and the effects of a frustrating day had my mood less than chipper. I powered on the radio and started the drive to the daycare. I called Mr., who is always so attentive and supportive, so he let me vent a little. When I got off of the phone, the burning in my chest had increased so that I was sure steam was visibly coming out of my bright red ears. I saw it on tv as a kid so it must be true. Talking about what frustrated you when you are still frustrated seems to have that effect. Wearing my Shane and Shane shirt, I turned up my Shane and Shane cd (I'm a dedicated fan, ya know). The sweet lyrics instantly started softening my heart in that gentle way that only the Holy Spirit works; a soft whisper or a peaceful breeze. I rolled my eyes at my own thoughts and mentally hashtagged my outlook on the situation #firstworldproblems. 

This is a generic hashtag that has grown in popularity. I would love to assume it is a helpful hashtag that raises awareness of poverty or contributes to creating a more grateful generation but I fear it has only served as an excuse so that guilt doesn't overcome whatever #firstworldproblem we are dealing with. This is obviously not the case all the time so don't bunch your britches. 

Coming back from my slight digression, the simple fact is my bad day is a menial first world problem compared to the problems that some of my dear friends have experienced in India and the Dominican Republic this past week. My five minutes is up now so I will just leave you with this-

Life is too precious to waste your emotions on things that don't matter. In my experience you have two options when facing difficulty: 

Change your situation or change your attitude. 

So I'm choosing to change my attitude and take on Saturday with a heart of gratitude. Who know's if I will succeed, but I'm going to try.

Please pray for the DR and India! Many lives were changed and many seeds were planted so we ask for more of God, always more. That He would pour out His Spirit and awake them to their thirst. Also for safe travels for the teams back to us stateside!

But I don't NEED it

So much of the past 3 years has been focused on Sweetness. I could guide this into a post to focus talking about the struggles and triumphs of single-motherhood, but I'm not. Rather my thoughts today stem from a reoccurring theme in my life recently.

"Take some time for yourself."
"Go on a date."
"Where are you going for your honeymoon?"

"Ryot will be fine", they say, whoever "they" are.

I stumbled on this article earlier in the week about the importance of moms taking time for themselves. You can read the article in full here. There was one portion that especially caught my attention:

So set aside a little time every day to do something, anything, which makes you feel better. For some women, taking care of themselves may involve that candlelit bubble bath, but for others, something else may better fill the bill. Do something that makes you feel good or happy or, simply, more like you. 

More like me...like me. What does that mean? If you ask me what I want to do this weekend, my answers will immediately go down a yellow-bricked road of kid-friendly activities. I will smile and get excited about the memories I will make with Sweetness and my Mr. I will start cramming my days full of the park, movies, painting nails, playing outside or other family activities.

But time for me? Just me? Alone? I would never intentionally schedule that in. Why? Because that does not exist in any way, shape, or form, in my opinion, in the same category as 'fun'. I found that the introverts are always the ones to stress how important it is to get time for yourself. Just as I have found that the people without kids have the BEST advice about parenting. (heavy use of sarcasm here). Not everyone is wired the same.

Do I enjoy going on a date with my Mr. where we get uninterrupted adult conversation? Yes.
Do I enjoy doing adult activities without changing diapers or worrying about temper tantrums? Of course.

But I'd be lying if I don't wonder what she is doing and miss her every second I'm gone. Isn't that how it's supposed to be? Aren't you supposed to like spending time with your kids? I'm not judging people that do take time for themselves. Maybe they really need that alone bubble bath every night. More power to them. But why is it considered weird that I don't need it?

I love adult time. I love friend time. I love a romantic evening with my darling Mr. I love getting dressed up, told I'm beautiful and treated like a Queen for a night.

BUT

I love little girl time. I love bonding with her. I love silly pillow fights and reading books. I love wearing my sweatpants and still being told that I'm pretty and funny by my little girl.

I don't mind dropping Sweetness off with a friend or a family member who will love on her and make sure that her needs are met. But I don't NEED to. I don't NEED adult time away from her. I don't NEED a break from parenting. I love every wonderful, fun, disgusting, hilarious, miraculous, terrifying, adventurous, loving second of it. I think people forget that I am forced to have a break from her every Monday-Friday from  7am-6pm while she is at daycare and I'm at work.

Sometimes I get frustrated and lose my temper. Sometimes I don't know what else to do and we just aren't communicating well. Sometimes before nap time I have to take a couple deep breaths in and pray for her to please, please, please fall asleep. But as soon as she does I am stroking her hair, giving her kisses and falling in love with her all over again. Parenting is hard. But it is simultaneously the most challenging and rewarding thing that I have ever experienced.

It definitely was more difficult before, when doing it alone; but now I have been so blessed to have a gentle, patient, kind, loving, supportive Mr. to help partner with me on this crazy journey.

I am slowly finishing that chapter of single parenthood and opening a new chapter of marriage to a wonderful man, including a 3 yr old and dog. I know it will look different than I'm used to. I know that we will have different challenges and triumphs that I never could imagine or plan for. I know that my time management will need to drastically change as I morph my role adding and removing certain hats. Because of this, I know that Mr, as my husband, will need time specifically devoted to him from me. And I am 100% ok with that. He deserves it and I really desire to do everything in my power to work at creating a safe, open, communicating environment that we are hearing from the Lord and pouring into each other and those around me. That is obviously difficult to do while holding up your 3 yr old's princess dress so that she can pretend to go potty but not really pee because all she wants is the candy you promised her for her trying to go on the potty in the first place. So I know that alone time is necessary to create and sustain a lasting foundation for marriage, but just plain alone time is not necessary for my sanity.

Maybe it's the extrovert in me that doesn't need that alone time.
Maybe it's because I have a constant fresh reminder that no moment is guaranteed.
Maybe it's a slight mommy guilt of having to work away from her so much.
Maybe it's the homebody spirit in me that I would much rather be at home in my pj's than out in real clothes.
Maybe it's been so long since I have just had alone time that I don't know how to enjoy it.
Maybe it's just how I'm wired. And that's ok.

I know that I have a lot left to learn. I know that I will keep learning for the rest of my life. I like the challenge. My life is changing, which means that my priorities will change. Maybe a couple months down the road I will be taking a bubble bath and look back on this post laughing at myself. But right now, this is me.

I'm ok with being me. And get this, I'm ok with being the only me in the whole world.

Not now

So much was discussed today. So much is still left to be decided.  It seems I am caught at a strange middle ground. Several times today I found myself asking the same questions:

Is this necessary?

Is this wise?

Does it have to be decided now?

No. It doesn't have to be decided now. So I can sleep in peace. 

Trusting the wind

This morning I was listening to a Tom Petty station on iTunes radio while I had an office full of people. It was the normal schedule of catching up from yesterday and planning the day ahead. When I was alone again I increased the volume so I could whistle while I worked (just kidding, I can't really whistle) and I heard Son Volt's song "Windfall" singing these lyrics:

May the wind take your troubles away.

Suddenly I was stopped in my tracks. What was I listening to? May the wind take my troubles away? What does that even mean? I changed the station to one called "3 of a kind - Hillsong, Elevation Worship, Jesus Culture". Immediately I heard these lyrics:

So let hope rise and darkness tremble in Your holy light, 

and every eye will see Jesus, our God, great and mighty to be praised!

I couldn't but smile then and even now still as a wave of peace washed over me. I just sighed aloud, a great sigh of relief. He is near, present, in communion, constant, all-knowing, loving, my Abba.

Do I want to live a life where I hope that the wind takes my troubles away, or do I want darkness to tremble in His holy light?

Do I want to sit and wait for the wind, or do I want hope to rise?

Do I trust something as quivering and unstable as the wind to remove and heal, or do I choose to conquer that which ails me?

Do I want my troubles to be just taken away and me left empty to start again or do I want my troubles to be defeated and then replenished with praise which will produce joy, peace and all forms of power?

I choose hope and life and power and purpose. 

Keurig haiku

Customer service

A lost art among this world

Thank you ma'am and sir

Even my keurig 

Displays on screen to Enjoy

Well done, programmer

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to all the single moms out there pulling double the weight. 

Happy Father's Day to all the widows who have lost their loves but must go on without them. 

Happy Father's Day to the Grandparents, cousins or other relatives like my Uncle who step in to raise kids like me who need a father.  

Happy Father's Day to my soon-to-be father in law! He is so hard working and one that many people love and look to for wisdom! 

Happy Father's Day to all of the stepdads who choose to love your wife and the wonderful little gift(s) that came along with them. I can assure you, your love for the littles makes her fall in love with you more. And I can assure you of this because of my Mr.

Sweetness is three in all fashions of the word. He is so patient and loving with her, he backs me up on teaching her what is right, he plays with her as they both erupt in giggles, he is a lifesaver when I am sick by helping take care of her, he is attentive to her needs and wants, and on a daily basis he wins both of our hearts over and over and over again. I couldn't ask for a better partner in love or life or parenting. I'm counting down the days until I can marry this wonderful man!

Happy first Father's Day, darling. 

You are loved and so appreciated. 

Proverbs 20:5-7 The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water,but a man of understanding will draw it out. Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love,but a faithful man who can find? The righteous who walks in his integrity—blessed are his children after him! 

5 Min Fridays! Low blow, bro.

Five Minute Fridays - Write for 5 straight minutes whatever is on your mind with no surplus of time spent editing or proof reading. 5 Minutes is the minimum, max is up to you and your creative juices.

Ready, set, go!

I was stung by a yellow jacket today. Random, I know. It made me think of a memory many moons past. My little sistercuz, Allie, and I were building a fort in the words behind our house in Florida. Rustling in the woods, I felt a sharp pinch and saw the little stinger on my forearm. She asked me what was wrong and I just screamed for us to run. Some got caught in my hair and clothes which resulted in stings all over. I don't think we played in those woods for a long time after that. I shudder thinking about it even now. 

I can't be mad at them because I was in their territory. I stepped on their house. I stirred their peace. I entered their normalcy and created chaos. They didn't respond in the correct way but it was my mistake to begin with. I understand them. Their great great great great great great grand kid that got me today had no excuse. I didn't disturb him at all! He was in my warehouse and came up behind me and stung my back! Low blow, bro. 

On a happier note, this picture below captures some of my favorite things about today! My ring which proclaims my commitment and devotion to the one my soul loves, my necklace given to me by aforementioned fiancé for Mother's Day (so sweet!), my super shades that protect even my peripheral vision, and a Friday evening spent grilling burgers with my beautiful Sweetness and darling Mr. 

This weekend I will be intentional.

Intentional about making memories

Intentional about creating a culture of honor

Intentional about resting in the sweet Spirit of The Lord. 

Happy weekend!

It stuck with me

A look. A prayer. An experience.

Advice. Prophecy. 

A picture.

For some reason, it stuck with you. 

Today on my morning commute, life was on schedule. Same roads, same radio station, same conversations with Sweetness. She was happy this morning which had both of us smiling and laughing the whole way to daycare. We made a special stop for coffee which means I have to then cut across 4 lanes to the turning lane so I can make a u-turn to continue going to daycare. I look both ways, some cars are coming but it is safe for me to get out in the lanes and start to merge. I'm laughing at Sweetness being silly and that's when I notice it. Car, after car, after car of scowling, serious, apathetic, monotone faces. Literally fifteen people void of emotion staring at the roads like drones. 

And that's when I remembered it. 

Highschool choir mission trip with my church. I was 15 years old, I think? I remember looking out in the crowd to see Mrs. Bandy holding up a sign that read "Don't chew" to make sure that we pronounced the words "Don't you" correctly in the song. As we looked in the crowd, remembered the notes, remembered the key changes, remembered the words, all while being away from home and exhausted and slightly nervous to be singing in front of random people we had never met in an apartment complex, we were slightly overwhelmed. At this moment, we would look to see our brilliantly talented leader Mr. Tony pointing to his smile on his face as he led the song and music. And we would all remember the conversation we had heard over and over: We should be smiling singing about Jesus. I remembered being mime, and other drama classes that pulled the joy and emotion of loving Jesus out of me without even spoken word. I remember learning very early that the joy of Christ is a fire that can not be contained. Thank you, Sparky. I remembered Mrs. Pam signaling to all of us to uncross our arms and look happy about what we were singing about. I learned that even through cold showers at 5am after sleeping a minimal amount of hours on a gym floor with only a sleeping bag, Jesus was worth smiling and singing about. And people needed to see that. 

I remember this always. In the back of my head, I have a reminder that Jesus is worth smiling about. 

Jesus is worth smiling about when my AC broke yesterday and it was 89 degrees in my house. 

Jesus is worth smiling about even though I have some heart issues I am dealing with.

Jesus is worth smiling about on a Tuesday morning BEFORE coffee *gasp!* while driving your sweet baby to daycare where someone else will get the pleasure of teaching her about life and Jesus for the next 10 hours. 

Thank you Tony, Pam, Elaine, Lisa and all the other people who poured love and joy into our lives growing up. 

I promise, at least in the back of our minds, it stuck with us.

It stuck with me.

Jesus is worth it. All the time.

Sweetness is three already?

My darling Sweetness,

You have changed my life. Three years ago you made sure to have a grand entrance. The waiting, the pain, the medical issues, the unknowing, the intensity - it was all worth it to have you in my arms. My joy outweighed my exhaustion and pain. Baby, God created you, beautiful perfection. Your perfect lips, your long fingers and toes, your dark hair, your inquisitive eyes, your skinny little legs - all hand crafted to the exact measure of awesome. I instantly fell head over heels in love with you; an emotion I was told I would have, but never understood until I met you.

5lb, 11oz, 17 in long of pure perfection.

I look back on the first year with so much joy and pride. I didn't mind waking up with you in the night and sometimes would just stay awake watching you sleep peacefully. We had a lot of me and you time to bond. At 9 months old we embarked on a crazy, wild adventure. I know that God gave me you for this time because we helped get each other through it. I want you to know that I did that I did the absolute best that I could for you, for us. God is good, sweet baby. He is good all the time and He loves you more than either of us could possibly imagine. I loved seeing your personality develop. I cherished all the milestones that you hit of crawling, walking, screeching at incredibly high octaves that I'm sure gave me some hearing loss, and the memories of this special me and you time. I don't have very many pictures from this time, but please know that I can imagine it like it was yesterday and will always cherish those times. You are precious.

The second year went by very quickly because we stayed so busy! We had so much fun and made so many memories of park trips, and sweet mommy/Sweetness time at home together. Several times I cried - tears of joy, of course - as the realization that you are EXACTLY what I had prayed for. I prayed that you would be independent, strong, confident, and spirited with a living heart. Well darling, you sure have enough spirit for the both of us. I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Now it's your third birthday. I didn't realize how much would change from two to three. You are taller, your hair is longer, you've lost more of your baby face, of course, which is all part of getting older. But even more than physically, you matured and blossomed. You are asking a lot of questions which I honestly love. I love watching you learn and figure things out. You are hilarious. I have enjoyed this year that I have had the pleasure of helping you learn, love, and live. 

You are beautiful. Inside and out. 

You can do anything. 

I'm so looking forward to this next year. God is going to use you in mighty ways, little one. And I'm privileged to be a part of it. 

You are very loved

Very cherished

And very set apart. 

Happy birthday, darling. 

Entrusted Pieces

He woke me with a nudge by his strong yet gentle hand on my shoulder.

"I'm entrusting you with these." There was urgency in his eyes but a smile on his lips. As I opened my hands, I watched as he carefully placed several pieces of a puzzle into my hands. Not too many that I couldn't hold them but enough that I had to use two hands. I sat up slowly so I didn't spill any of them. I knew they were precious. He wouldn't give me anything that wasn't precious and deserving of my undivided attention. 

For fear of losing even one piece, I dared not set them down. I tried to examine them as best as I could. I moved my hands to try to see the ones underneath but they were hidden. The ones I did see were beautiful. Well, most of them anyways. One was blue with a gold lining. One red and white speckled. One with a myriad amount of colors; some I'd never seen before. There were far more beautiful pieces than plain, that I was grateful for. As I studied the pieces I could see, I started to get discouraged. These were not only different colors that couldn't possibly go together, but they were different shapes. 

I saw he was leaving so I had to ask him quickly, "How will they fit if they don't all match?". I was confident  there had been a mistake.

As he disappeared in the distance I heard him whisper,

"They're not all for you."

Kindergrats

Whatever disdain, unapproval, or apathy you feel towards kindergarten graduations, I just saw two of the most handsome boys walk across the stage.

 They were confidently and proudly grabbing the diploma with huge smiles across their faces. 

And joy in doing good is worth celebration! Love you little bubbas!

Am I really?

Am I really engaged to the man of my dreams?
Am I really cleaning and organizing my apartment to get ready for moving in together?
Am I really going wedding dress shopping this week?
Am I really slowly seeing all of the things that I have prayed for coming to fruition in a more beautiful masterpiece than I ever could have planned myself?

I'm overwhelmed.
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for everyone who has stood by me, prayed with and for me, gotten angry with me, made me laugh, saw the best in me, brought to light the things that could be better, and helped walk with me to the place that I am today: blessed and in complete shock.
I can't even stand in the presence of a great God who sees me as more and better and higher and greater than I can understand.

It's exciting seeing something happen that you seriously doubted ever would.
That spark, those butterflies in my stomach, that electric surge coursing through my veins is enough to light the city on fire.
There are no limits to what He can do.
I knew this, but it is just confirmed all the more.

He has taken ashes and made them beautiful.
He has lit up the darkness with blinding and marvelous light.
He has given shelter to the homeless.
He has given stability to the faltering.
He has given a Father to the Father-less.
He has covered the orphan and widow with his wing and lifted them to royalty.
He has restored what the enemy took.
He has taken what the enemy meant for bad and certainly turned it for good.

Psalm 30:11
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness

We sing this song often in church and it brings me to weeping mess of joy every time.
The lyrics are simple, yet profoundly speak to my heart.
You can listen to the song here. The lyrics are below.

You bring restoration
You bring restoration
You bring restoration
to my soul

You've taken my pain
called me by a new name
You've taken my shame
and in it's place, You give me joy!

You take my mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my weeping and turn it into laughing
You take my mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my sadness and turn it into joy

hallelujah, hallelujah
You make all things new, all things new!