Take Me to the King

Lately I have been overtaken and overwhelmed with parenting. I have been feeling beaten down and just plain crummy about my shortcomings as a mom.

I don't think I spend enough time with her in general.
I'm don't feel like I'm doing a great job instilling a love for Jesus.
I don't feel like I'm as patient with her as I should be.
Not enough, not enough, not enough.

Then as I'm driving and praying this morning, I heard this portion of Laura Story's song "Blessings" on the radio this morning:
"What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy? What if trials of this life- the rain, the storms, the hardest nights- are your mercies in disguise?"

I have a love for Sweetness that overtakes me sometimes. I just look at her and my heart swells to the point that I fear it might actually explode. I know that I won't be able to give her all the love that she ultimately needs because what we thirst, crave, for is so much deeper of a love than I can fathom. It's a love that overlooks shortcomings and neglect. A love that forgives ALL sins and welcomes you home with open arms. A love that overcame the atrocity of the short span of time it took for people to welcome Jesus with palm leaves singing "Hosanna! Hosanna!" and then those same voices to shout "Crucify Him!".

As I meditate on this week some 2000 years ago, I am burdened with the grief of my sin and shortcomings. I just want to lay at His feet and gaze upon His glory. This is my song this morning:

"Take me to the King. I don't have much to bring.
My heart is torn in pieces. It's my offering!
Lay me at the throne; leave me there alone,
to gaze upon Your Glory and sing to You this song."
-Tamela Mann

Yet even as I'm singing, in His swift and gentle grace, He responded that what I have to offer is enough; who I am is enough. Who I am as a mother, as a person, is enough. Those sins are forgiven. Those shortcomings are covered in grace. If I was the perfect mom, Sweetness wouldn't need Jesus. I wouldn't dare rob her of the intimate love that she can find in relationship with Jesus, and I couldn't possibly steal the opportunity for my darling baby to give God the praises He deserves. I don't have all the answers. My life is different than everyone else's and my choices are going to be different than everyone else around me. As my set of gifts, talents, and brain waves combine with Sweetness' set of gifts, talents,and brain waves, we are going to clash sometimes. It's inevitable. We are so different- created this way on purpose as part of a master design- but one thing remains the same: God is good, loving and gracious all the time.

It is my job to love Jesus. To sit at His feet and weep and pour my heart to Him, but not to stay there. I have to then rise, put on the armor of the Spirit and determine to love people well. I have to seek Him and continually remind myself that this is NOT my home. I have to cherish His word and repeat His promises. I have to step into the role that was designed just for me. I have to teach Sweetness to seek God and guide her talents, abilities, and passions to the path that He has for her. I have to lead by example of pursuing God and fiercely obeying His voice. And to do that I have to be tender and aware of His Spirit around, waiting anxiously to hear His voice.

And I say I have to do these not because I'm forced against my will but because there is no happier or more peaceful place than to be right in the middle of His will, consumed by His Spirit's fire, and having uninterrupted communion with Him.

I was created to do this. I was created to worship. I was created exactly as I am and experienced what I experienced in my past to groom me and shape me to be exactly the mom that Sweetness needs. I will seek Him in my time of weakness and I will boldly walk in my strength not with arrogance but confidence in my Great God who is already doing and will continue to do great things in and through me.

So, still I sing, take me to the King.

Slow Down and Listen

We live in a society obsessed with being happy. And not only happy but we have this strange addiction to instant gratification. 

Headache? Take medicine.

Backache? Take medicine.

Hungry? Eat what's quickest. 

What if our headache was just our brain telling us that we are starting to get dehydrated and we need more water? 

What if our back is hurting because we need to have better posture or stop doing a certain activity?

When we are hungry, it's our body's way of telling us we need more energy to keep propelling this miracle of a carcass. If we load it with junk, it will keep working but not very well. 

We don't pour gasoline and mud in our car when it needs more fuel, we give it exactly what it needs. 

We are the jerks on the playground being mean to our bodies and then getting mad that they don't want to play anymore. Let's stop feeding our bodies junk and chemicals!

*disclaimer- I know there are real conditions that require medicine. I am not in any way medically qualified to tell you to stop taking your medication. Consult your doctor.*

*disclaimer #2- I have some really amazing friends who are doctors or are in school to become doctors and they are wonderful, honest, hardworking, noble people who I know are going to change the world. Exempt of those few, it's fact that the medical field makes money when you are sick. Take your doctor's advice, but do some research on your own and get second and third opinions from other trusted physicians. This is your health and you don't want to gamble with it.*

In this fast-paced society, we have to slow down. We need to think before we speak. We need to peel our faces from electronics and experience the world around us. God made our bodies unique, amazing, miraculous little vessels. It is our job to take care of them and ultimately let them do what they were designed to do. Our goal on this earth is not to be the skinniest or even the most fit, but we have to take the time to take care of our body, mind, and spirit. They all work beautifully together. If one suffers all suffer. 

Food is fuel for the body. 

Prayer is fuel for the spirit. 

Stay connected to what your body is telling you. Listen to it's cues. Be more in tune with why your body is acting the way that it is and cut to the root of the issue. It doesn't do any good to scrape at the surface if there is a deeper problem. 

Stay connected to what your spirit is telling you. Listen to His voice. He will guide you. Be more in tune with His cues. Open up to vulnerability among friends. Take time to pray and just listen. Following those promptings might be a little scary but it's so so so worth it. 

Be in tune. 

Listen to the incredible world around you. 

Everything exists to bring Him glory. 

And we get to be a part of that.