If you aren't aware of the journey I'm on and why, check out this blog post here. It will all make a little more sense. Enjoy, and thank you for stopping by!
5:30am- I enjoyed 6.5 hours of sleep and I only woke up once!
5:45am- Am I really so delusional as to expect results after day one? Then why am I standing in front of the mirror cursing my stretch marks and scars that plague my stomach? I read online those beautiful posts about women who love their stretch marks. I can't help but wonder if it's all for show on the internet or if it really is possible to have those marks empower you with confidence instead of weigh you down. After all they are a representation of the precious miracle that brought the sweetness into the world.
Thinking about it, I don't detest anything as constantly quite like the way I do my body. I wish my heart would hurt for my sin and a lost world like it does when I try to buy clothes, or look in the mirror, or sit in an unflattering position, or have to be in any full body pictures. I wish my heart broke when I didn't trust God completely. I wish my heart ached when I looked in the mirror, not because what I look like but because there have been countless others who have looked in their mirrors who were so alone, lost and in need of love and acceptance, but were too overwhelmed with like so they decided to end it all. That is totally worth crying over. I mean, I'm not callous to the world around me. I think about the injustice in the world and my heart aches thinking about orphans that need homes, women who are in slavery from human trafficking, and children and adults alike who are dying from cancer and don't have the same freedoms as me because they are isolated to a hospital bed. I think about these things on a regular basis.
My heart does ache for the world around me and my influence in it. But it should ache more often for those things that matter to Him instead of this hook I often get hung on that makes no difference to the kingdom. And the kingdom is all the matters. It makes me angry at myself. I want to scream,
But I've tried on my own and failed numerous times. Today is only day 2, there are endless possibilities for the next 22 days!I'm asking God to renew my heart and He is always faithful so I'm excited for the results for both my heart for Him and this wretched carcass!
6:30am- I like Grape Spark. However, Grape Spark does not taste great directly after brushing your teeth. As soon as I opened the packet it smelled like grape fun dip. I was actually excited to try it. It really wasn't that bad even with the toothpaste taste additive. I'm sure I will be golden for tomorrow. Again, I chugged it on the way to work in between stoplights. As I was finishing it, the cup was completely upside down in the air so I could get every drop. I looked over and a man in his car was staring at me with an odd expression while sipping his coffee. I just smiled awkwardly and drove away. Saved by the green light!
7:00am- God always has spoken to me through music. It's so hard to remain the same once you realize that everything is for His glory. I heard this song and couldn't help but be thankful for this journey with all it's struggles. The song I heard was God with Us by MercyMe. At the end of the song it says,
Even though this crap that I'm struggling with seems dumb to some people, it still is an issue of the heart which is important to God., So I choose to lay it at His feet and believe for change and a renewed mind and spirit, knowing full well that He is faithful, He cares about my heart and He will be glorified.
10:00am- The Fiber Drink was gulped down in one breath which is nice so I don't have to taste it much. Then the MRS was gulped down while talking to my boss and coworkers about losing weight. They have been going to the gym and eating right. And guess what?! All three of them in the past month have bought Advocare products from me! I never expected to be in the position to actually sell anything. I just signed up so that I could have the option if people wanted to and because I wanted a discount! They weren't big orders but it's something!
I was able to encourage them to stick with the products because it only gets better and better. And I could say that because it is actually true! Now if only they would come to church with me as easily as they jumped on the Advocare bandwagon. All their spunk, eagerness and leadership is definitely needed in the kingdom! They would be wonderful assets to our family at Antioch. So the question is, do I live in such a way that would make them want to visit my church with me? What do they see that's different about my life than theirs? I just know they would be so much happier if they were seriously seeking the Lord. He gives peace and joy that overshadows any problem. And I'm not saying this because it's what I was taught but because it is something I have experiences over and over and over throughout my life.
11:30am- I just drank so much water that I thought I would drown. But the only things drowning are my Catalyst pills.
1:00pm- I had a deadling to reach for work that was slightly stressful. I was behind for a bit, but I made it just in time and was about to head out to lunch when -
In walked my handsome Mr. with roses and fruit. He said he was going to get me candy but got me fruit instead. What a wonderful surprise from my supportive man! It was so completely unexpected and I was so happy that I didn't realize that two of his birthday presents were just sitting on my desk for him to see. Oops. I had just gotten them in the mail an hour before and wasn't expecting him to show up, but since he got them early we just decided to make this is birthday month and he could have a present every week! Sometimes, you just gotta go with the flow. He felt so bad but it didn't bother me. I'm just glad that he likes them! We went out to lunch and I had a salad and water. It was delicious but it was really hard to not order queso or a Dr. Pepper.
4:00pm- I ate the fruit that Mr. brought me earlier. I think it was the best pineapple that I've ever had in my life. I told my coworker that I don't know if it really is the best pineapple or if it just tastes the best because I haven't been eating junk. I don't care either way because it was a delicious and perfect snack.
6:00pm- When we got home from picking her up from daycare, Sweetness rode her bike while I walked outside. she got tired so I had to carry her bike all the way back around the apartment complex to get home. That counts as a work out, right?
7:00pm- I ate dinner and was craving sweets. Something, Anything. So I had some strawberries. I dipped the tips of some of them in Cool Whip. Is that considered cheating? Maybe, but it wasn't that many.
9:30pm- Bed time. Early for some maybe, but I can barely keep my eyes open. I took those nasty Herbal Cleanse pills. yuck. Only 5 more days of those. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
I got up and brushed my teeth and I did a horrible thing. I got on the scale! I know, I know....terrible. And what I saw I did not like. So now I am officially depressed and going to sleep. Good night.
Recap:
Focus inward, not outward, and DON'T GET ON THE SCALE AFTER ONLY A DAY AND A HALF.
5:30am- I enjoyed 6.5 hours of sleep and I only woke up once!
5:45am- Am I really so delusional as to expect results after day one? Then why am I standing in front of the mirror cursing my stretch marks and scars that plague my stomach? I read online those beautiful posts about women who love their stretch marks. I can't help but wonder if it's all for show on the internet or if it really is possible to have those marks empower you with confidence instead of weigh you down. After all they are a representation of the precious miracle that brought the sweetness into the world.
Thinking about it, I don't detest anything as constantly quite like the way I do my body. I wish my heart would hurt for my sin and a lost world like it does when I try to buy clothes, or look in the mirror, or sit in an unflattering position, or have to be in any full body pictures. I wish my heart broke when I didn't trust God completely. I wish my heart ached when I looked in the mirror, not because what I look like but because there have been countless others who have looked in their mirrors who were so alone, lost and in need of love and acceptance, but were too overwhelmed with like so they decided to end it all. That is totally worth crying over. I mean, I'm not callous to the world around me. I think about the injustice in the world and my heart aches thinking about orphans that need homes, women who are in slavery from human trafficking, and children and adults alike who are dying from cancer and don't have the same freedoms as me because they are isolated to a hospital bed. I think about these things on a regular basis.
My heart does ache for the world around me and my influence in it. But it should ache more often for those things that matter to Him instead of this hook I often get hung on that makes no difference to the kingdom. And the kingdom is all the matters. It makes me angry at myself. I want to scream,
GET IT TOGETHER!
But I've tried on my own and failed numerous times. Today is only day 2, there are endless possibilities for the next 22 days!I'm asking God to renew my heart and He is always faithful so I'm excited for the results for both my heart for Him and this wretched carcass!
6:30am- I like Grape Spark. However, Grape Spark does not taste great directly after brushing your teeth. As soon as I opened the packet it smelled like grape fun dip. I was actually excited to try it. It really wasn't that bad even with the toothpaste taste additive. I'm sure I will be golden for tomorrow. Again, I chugged it on the way to work in between stoplights. As I was finishing it, the cup was completely upside down in the air so I could get every drop. I looked over and a man in his car was staring at me with an odd expression while sipping his coffee. I just smiled awkwardly and drove away. Saved by the green light!
7:00am- God always has spoken to me through music. It's so hard to remain the same once you realize that everything is for His glory. I heard this song and couldn't help but be thankful for this journey with all it's struggles. The song I heard was God with Us by MercyMe. At the end of the song it says,
Such a tiny offering
Compared to Calvary
But nevertheless
We lay it at Your feet
Even though this crap that I'm struggling with seems dumb to some people, it still is an issue of the heart which is important to God., So I choose to lay it at His feet and believe for change and a renewed mind and spirit, knowing full well that He is faithful, He cares about my heart and He will be glorified.
10:00am- The Fiber Drink was gulped down in one breath which is nice so I don't have to taste it much. Then the MRS was gulped down while talking to my boss and coworkers about losing weight. They have been going to the gym and eating right. And guess what?! All three of them in the past month have bought Advocare products from me! I never expected to be in the position to actually sell anything. I just signed up so that I could have the option if people wanted to and because I wanted a discount! They weren't big orders but it's something!
I was able to encourage them to stick with the products because it only gets better and better. And I could say that because it is actually true! Now if only they would come to church with me as easily as they jumped on the Advocare bandwagon. All their spunk, eagerness and leadership is definitely needed in the kingdom! They would be wonderful assets to our family at Antioch. So the question is, do I live in such a way that would make them want to visit my church with me? What do they see that's different about my life than theirs? I just know they would be so much happier if they were seriously seeking the Lord. He gives peace and joy that overshadows any problem. And I'm not saying this because it's what I was taught but because it is something I have experiences over and over and over throughout my life.
11:30am- I just drank so much water that I thought I would drown. But the only things drowning are my Catalyst pills.
1:00pm- I had a deadling to reach for work that was slightly stressful. I was behind for a bit, but I made it just in time and was about to head out to lunch when -
BAM!!!!!
In walked my handsome Mr. with roses and fruit. He said he was going to get me candy but got me fruit instead. What a wonderful surprise from my supportive man! It was so completely unexpected and I was so happy that I didn't realize that two of his birthday presents were just sitting on my desk for him to see. Oops. I had just gotten them in the mail an hour before and wasn't expecting him to show up, but since he got them early we just decided to make this is birthday month and he could have a present every week! Sometimes, you just gotta go with the flow. He felt so bad but it didn't bother me. I'm just glad that he likes them! We went out to lunch and I had a salad and water. It was delicious but it was really hard to not order queso or a Dr. Pepper.
4:00pm- I ate the fruit that Mr. brought me earlier. I think it was the best pineapple that I've ever had in my life. I told my coworker that I don't know if it really is the best pineapple or if it just tastes the best because I haven't been eating junk. I don't care either way because it was a delicious and perfect snack.
6:00pm- When we got home from picking her up from daycare, Sweetness rode her bike while I walked outside. she got tired so I had to carry her bike all the way back around the apartment complex to get home. That counts as a work out, right?
7:00pm- I ate dinner and was craving sweets. Something, Anything. So I had some strawberries. I dipped the tips of some of them in Cool Whip. Is that considered cheating? Maybe, but it wasn't that many.
9:30pm- Bed time. Early for some maybe, but I can barely keep my eyes open. I took those nasty Herbal Cleanse pills. yuck. Only 5 more days of those. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
I got up and brushed my teeth and I did a horrible thing. I got on the scale! I know, I know....terrible. And what I saw I did not like. So now I am officially depressed and going to sleep. Good night.
Recap:
Focus inward, not outward, and DON'T GET ON THE SCALE AFTER ONLY A DAY AND A HALF.
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