The Prince of Egypt

Little girl and I had a movie date last night. We cuddled up to watch The Prince of Egypt and eat ice cream. It's the story of Moses, described as "An Egyptian prince learns of his identity as a Hebrew and, later his destiny to become the chosen deliverer of his people." on IMDB.

When I think of Moses, I think of greatness. He was obedient to God's calling to free the people from slavery. Well, there is so much more to it than that. I know that he was raised as an Egyptian. I know all of the facts in my head, but I was reminded to put myself in his shoes to feel it in my heart when I saw this movie again.

He had just found out that the only family he knew wasn't really his family. He started having conflicting feelings about the treatment of the slaves as he started identifying himself with the Hebrew nation. He killed a man, an Egyptian man. After killing the man he ran away. Then God tells him, through a burning bush, to go back to Egypt to free the people. My brain would probably explode into a jumbled mess.

Wait, God, you want me to do what?! Um, I killed a man. I will be punished for murder. And how am I supposed to go back there and tell my family to free the people that I once governed over?

I tried to put myself in Moses' shoes and think about how I would feel. What if I had to go to my sister or my boss or the government and tell them to do something or stop doing something that was completely against everything that they had always done their whole life. Severed relationships, humiliation, possible punishment and so many other fears and consequences for this decision. Moses saw innocent children and families suffering through plagues. Families that he knew. People he grew up with were covered in boils and yet he remained faithful to continue pursuing the freedom of the Hebrews. Because God said He would be with Moses.

That is the thing that caught my attention and really got me thinking about all of this.

He would be with Moses. And Moses was obedient.

I have never been asked to do something as crazy has free an entire people from slavery. I mean, yes I am commanded in the Bible to share His name through the nations, but I have never had a clear voice telling me that I had to specifically go to Egypt or Africa and have a specific role. Yet, I have Christ in me. I don't just have a promise that God will be with me, but I have His very presence in me all the time. Moses was obedient even though He had never had an encounter with God like that before. That's craziness! An awesome sort of craziness...

God has been gracious enough to reveal Himself to me and speak to me on a daily basis, and yet I still have negotiations with God about what/how/when I'm going to do things instead of just saying "YES Lord" and being obedient.

It's humbling. It's eye opening. It's exciting.

It makes me think...
Is there something immobilizing me from specific tasks? Like lack of faith or wrong priorities?
Am I expecting God to approach me through a burning bush instead of listening to His still small voice?

God, I am not enough, but You are. Forgive me for my over analytical mindset and purify my heart to be filled with only You.

Here I am, Lord, send me.

Not perfect

I love this blog challenge. What a neat idea to provoke thoughts and ideas and get creative juices flowing. I think often times I'm stuck in a rut wanting to write something great so I don't write at all. Just like I want the whole house to be clean so I don't clean at all. Just like I want to be able to run a mile in 7 minutes (even though I haven't been able to do that in 6 years) so I don't run at all.

Just like I want to be skinny so I don't eat at all....ha! Just kidding...I wish....OK so it doesn't work that way with every part of my life. However I have found that a lot of times my desire for greatness inhibits my desire for trying? Effort? ...well honestly I don't know what I would call it. And normally I wouldn't publish this post until I had just the perfect word or phrase exactly how I wanted it. But....here's to a new week and a new beginning full of effort regardless of the possibility of a flawed outcome.

I don't have to succeed but I won't know if I can unless I just say Yes.

God doesn't call me to be perfect.
He calls me to be obedient.

5 Min Fridays! Listen

Five Minute Fridays - Write for 5 straight minutes whatever is on your mind with no surplus of time spent editing or proof reading. 5 Minutes is the minimum, max is up to you and your creative juices.

Ready, Set, Go!

Earlier this week on my way to pick up little girl, I called six people. SIX. I will not name the five people who did not answer their phones, but merely be thankful for the sixth. I wanted to talk to someone. I wanted to just blow off the time spent in the car. I wanted to hear about their day and catch up with them a little. I wanted to tell someone about my day. I wanted to spend 15 minutes conversing with someone on something other than work! I wanted to "veg out" for a couple minutes and unwind.

Today on my drive to work, I immediately pulled out my phone to make a call. In the mornings, I know my contact list to talk to people is a lot more limited since normal people are sleeping. My mind immediately was drawn to calling my aunt. Sometimes we catch up in the mornings and talk about what's going on in our lives for a little bit. But then I remembered that she was taking care of my nieces and nephews this week and would be unavailable to talk. I was a little bummed because I wanted to talk to someone. (I've never been the introverted type as you can tell). Then I heard His sweet still small voice.

Just Listen.

 

But I want to talk to someone and hear about their day/weekend plans. I want to see if there is anything I can pray about for them.

 

Just Listen.

 

I was quiet for a moment and I noticed the beautiful clouds still reflecting a little bit of the sunrise. I started thinking about how when I get to the office I was so looking forward to drinking my coffee. That smell and that incredible sense of warmth. Yes. That is what I wanted. I started thinking about how when I wake up I don't immediately get excited about praying like I do about coffee. I don't think about how refreshed I will feel just by spending a few moments in His presence even though every time I come to Him, I am refreshed and filled with overflowing incalculable peace and joy.

 

I love you.

I want a relationship with you, not your to-do list.

I want to hear about your day.

I want you to bring your excitement to me just as you bring your worries.

I have something for you, something special.

I need you to listen to my instruction.

Slow your mind, and listen.



I Choose Forgiveness

I forgive you.
I forgive you not because it's "the right thing to do".
Not because I like you.
Not because the pain has gone away or I have forgotten.
Because I haven't forgotten.
In my human element, I don't know if I will ever forget.
I forgive you not because you deserve it, but because God forgives me on a daily basis.
I forgive you because I refuse to let hurt, bitterness and anger govern my life.
I forgive you because I refuse to allow the choices of another human being to distract me from a much more important reality.
Sure, I'm living on this world with you, but I'm not of this world.
I don't care if you like my tattoos or if you think I need to lose weight.
I don't care if you look down on me for being a divorced single mom or having a car missing a bumper.
Your opinions of me and my decisions are inconsequential.
Forgiving you is hard and an almost daily battle.

It's amazing to me how forgiveness can change your perspective in life. It's amazing how in an instant an individual can go from sworn enemy to beggar in search of living water.

I forgive you.
I forgive you because your debt was paid.
And because I love you.
And because your sin is as far as the east is from the west.
Through a great and merciful God, we can wake up with a clean slate.
I forgive you because you are a beloved creation.
I forgive you because you were destined for great things. I don't know what those things are but if you seek God, He will show you His love and guidance.
I forgive you and choose to love you so that we can be on the same team to accomplish the will of God.
We are not living on this world for long, and we have so much to do.
I choose to accept our differences and embrace all the possibilities that they bring to the table.
I choose to encourage your strengths and partner with your weaknesses as I submit mine to you in true community.
Your opinion of me and my decisions will not sway my love for you.
Forgiving you is hard and an almost daily battle, but it's worth it.

It's worth it because it's not about me. It's not about my heart being broken, because I have a personal relationship with a miraculous healer who has more than the mere bandaid that modern day society can offer.

I choose love.

Lite Brite Life

Where did I come from?
                    Where am I going?
What have I done?
                    What am I doing?
What have I learned?
                    What am I learning?


Remember these?

The picture was perfectly printed on that paper. (please don't mind the accidental alliteration)
But it wasn't accomplishing it's purpose until holes were punched in to let the light shine through the pegs. Those pages were designed so that the holes would be punched in specific spots in order to display the correct image. And once those pegs were in the proper place, the light would turn on and there would be your image on display. It used to be so frustrating when I would accidentally plug the peg in the wrong spot.

Lately, I have been really focusing on skimming out of my life all the extra stuff. Too many toys, too much tv, too many hours wasted, too many conversations wasted, too many opportunities passed me buy, too much stuff. I only want to do the things that I was specifically meant to do. I only want to talk about the things that matter. I only want to accomplish the things in life that make a difference.

As the light shines through me, are there pegs shining light in the wrong places?

I wonder what my picture looks like right now...I'm excited at what it will look like in 6 months, a year, 10 years.....

Oh the possibilities.

Brown Grass Revelation

Yesterday on my commute home from work, I saw a small patch of grass in a busy intersection. It had more patches of dying, withering brown grass than flourishing green. I immediately prayed that it would rain so that that patch of grass could get the nutrients that it needed.

I don't like the rain.
But that grass needs the rain to grow.
So now I would be thankful for the rain because I understand that that patch of grass really needs it.

I started thinking about how many times I have prayed for God to give this person or that person a "good" day instead of praying for God to rain down on that person's life the exact nutrients that they need to accomplish His will, thrive in joy in His Spirit and minister to those around them. I would hear a friend going through a struggle and I would pray that that struggle would go away instead of aiding and ministering through the change happening in their life. Rick Warren says "Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you. Don’t waste your pain; use it to help others.”

I have been through my share of pain and heartache in my 24 years.
My pain doesn't define me, but it shapes me.
It shapes me to be opened to new opportunities of ministry.
It shapes me to have a heart more like Christ.
It shapes me to forgive because I have been forgiven.
It shapes me to sacrifice because I was given the greatest sacrificial gift through Jesus dying on the cross.
It shapes me to love the unlovable because I was the unlovable.
It shapes me to be free of all guilt, chains and judgment.
It shapes me to look forward with confidence instead of down at my feet.
It shapes me to live courageously because I have nothing to fear.
It shapes me to reach out to the world to lead them to the bread of life.

All of those experiences have shaped me to live outside of the box. That box that society tries to stuff you into. That box of what to do, what to eat, what to wear, what is cool, what is normal, what is "right", what is acceptable. I am not bound by that box. What a crazy adventure I have been on and I am so thankful for every bump and obstacle because it has led me to this crazy passion for my Creator and Sustainer! But what does that passion do or accomplish if I just hoard it for me? Sure, I can just be happy and live my life in passionate pursuit of God but this passionate pursuit has to produce fruit or it is mere selfish ambition. This is the importance of community.

I have surrendered my life to Christ and the freedom that I have in Him to NOT be bound by my past. The only time I think about the hard things that have happened is *sometimes* on holidays but most of the time it is brought up by someone asking me about it. Through time, prayer and ultimately my gracious God, all of those voids that were created by those times of hurt have been filled, not just filled but overflowing with God's goodness, forgiveness, joy and wholeness. He has diverted my thoughts of abandon to thanking him for his presence. He has changed my hardened and bitter heart to a soft heart of forgiveness and love. He has lifted my spirit of fear and insecurities and given me purpose and confidence in His spirit. I am governed by His laws and His acceptance which frees me from hatred and worry.

So now when I pray, I make a conscious effort to pray that God would reveal exactly what I am supposed to do when myself or a friend is going through a trial. We don't have to merely survive or just make it through the day. We don't have to "be polite" and ask about the hurt in someone's life. Why don't we be courageous instead and ask questions about what God is teaching them, what they are learning or how you can specifically minister to their life? Instead of asking them why the grass is brown, how long has it been brown or when it is going to turn green, why not instead encourage the green areas, and ask how you can pray for or encourage the others? If I'm not dwelling on my brown areas, there is no need for you to dwell on them either! :) We have more to live for, more to accomplish and more to explore than we can handle! We don't have to waste our time with what was, we need to be preparing for what is to come!

We already have the victory, but we have to surrender our will, our desires, our past.
Surrender to obtain victory, you ask?
Why yes, welcome to opposite world. It's a grand world of opportunity, revelation and more wonder than you can imagine.

The Brutal Truth: Paying for Everything

I was listening to 100.3 KILT this morning on my way to work. Every morning, they have a segment called "The Brutal Truth" where a touchy subject is dissected by the DJ's and listeners. Anyone can call in and give their opinion on the issue.

I love this.

I love this for multiple reasons. One reason is because I love people. I love the differences in opinions and thought processes. Everyone has a way of thinking or way of doing things, which most everyone thinks is the 'right' way. This is due to the personal experiences and knowledge that that person has built up in their life to cause them to think this way. Another reason I love the brutal truth is because it challenges me. They bring up topics that make me think, and some of them I've never even considered. I like the intellectual stimulation, the challenge and the way is forces me to consider my own experiences, knowledge and belief on the situation.

A couple weeks ago, the brutal truth was from a 40 yr old single mom of a teenager. She said that her son's friend who was 18 was really hitting on her and she didn't know if she should accept his advances or not. She said that she was conflicted because he seemed very mature for his age, was very good looking, sweet, kind, and an adult - meaning he was 18. This, to me, was immediately a no-brainer that it was inappropriate for her to even be considering acting on the advances of her teenage son's friend. In my opinion, there are too many grey lines and I think that age gap is a little too significant at that point in time. (Again, just my opinion) But I was surprised to hear the conflicting arguments from listeners calling in.

Today was different. Today was about money. A guy called in saying that he has been dating a girl for 3 months and he has to pay for everything. She has not offered to pay for anything, but still wants to go out and do a lot of activities, dinners, movies, etc. The DJ's were conflicted in their answers. One of the guys said that it was about chivalry and the guy should just pay because that is what he is supposed to do. The girl said that on the first couple dates the guy should pay, no doubt. However, if you have been dating for a while it should turn into a partnership where the it is give and take.

Another piece to the puzzle - If after the couple has been dating for a while it was decided that there should be more of a partnership instead of a one-way street, how does he bring the conversation up? Does he even bring the conversation up? Does he talk about how expensive something is or does he mention that he maybe can't afford to go somewhere? This is where the lines got a little hazy for me.

I think this is about chivalry and partnership. I hold southern values that the guy should open the door (cars and buildings) for girls. I think that he should stand up when she arrives and leaves the table. I love hearing yes ma'am and no ma'am. (melts my heart!) I believe whole-heartedly in chivalry, respect and doting on the person you care about. And because of this, I don't think it is ever ok in the beginning of a relationship to complain about how expensive something is. Oh man, that makes me nervous even thinking about it. I mean if you see something that is waaay out of your league and you joke about how you can't afford it, that's different. But if you are complaining that the tab or the restaurant is too expensive, then you shouldn't be going out on a date, or you should have planned a different date. Don't make your date feel bad or awkward. That's rude.

Now, I think in the case of the guy that called in to the Brutal Truth, I honestly don't know what to tell him. I think that she should be chipping in a little every now and then. I also think that it should be at her prompting and it shouldn't have to be brought up in a formal conversation. I think the only way this would work is if he was pretty smooth about it, like:

"I'll buy the concert tickets if you buy the drinks."
"I'll buy the movie tickets if you buy the popcorn."
"I'll buy dinner if you buy dessert."

And even this can be taken the wrong way. If this was said to me on the first date, I don't think I would like that. But if we had been dating for 3 months, I think this would be perfectly normal. I think in this guy's case, it all boils down to the pattern that he has set and her willingness to be a partner with him instead of just mooching.

I don't think that my opinion is necessarily the only right answer, but it is how I feel based on my experiences, knowledge and belief.

What do you think? Should his girlfriend be helping him pay for things? Should he bring it up in conversation? HOW would he bring it up in conversation? What do YOU think?

Quit Anything Thursday and Updates

I haven't written in a while. Not because I didn't want to. Not because I'm not learning anything. Not because I am having writer's block. There have been several days that I have sat down to write with great intention and then pulled away for one reason or another.

Random Update: GO!

1. I met my new baby niece, Addi. She is SO stinkin cute and I couldn't love her more if I tried. She does this awesome scrunchy scowl face. I love the personality that she has developed already. I can't wait to see her grow up and especially to see her wear some of the cute outfits that Ryot wore! Addison Reese, Aunt Kayla loves you so much!

2. I got to meet my new baby cousin Kellon. He is so chill!! I couldn't believe it! I don't think I heard him cry the entire time that we visited. I held him a lot to help soak up my baby fever and to hopefully help my cuz Lindsey have a bit of a break. She looks awesome for having three kids, by the way. I only have one kid who is TWO and she has three kids all under 4! Ridiculous and amazing. Riley, I had so much fun playing at the park with you! Sawyer, we didn't hand out too much because you are still a big mama's boy, but you are growing so fast! So handsome! And Kellon, I hope for your mama's sake that you stay as sweet and chill as you were with me. You are an awesome, charming little angel! Love you kiddos!

3. Ryot is 2! How time went by this fast I have no idea. I remember my pregnancy. I remember trying to discover her name. I remember telling my friends and family. I remember her being modest and not wanting to show me that she was a girl. haha. I remember the discomfort, but that is far overshadowed by the immense joy that she has brought in my life. She truly is a gift from God and my life has been forever changed. I couldn't love her more if I tried. Hello terrible, I mean terrific two's!

4. I got more work done on my 3/4 length sleeve....and actually I got the outline done the day before I went to Plano to visit everyone, but I just wore a longer shirt and kept quiet about it because I didn't want it to have to be explained or looked down on. But I just got more work done on it two days ago and only have one more session for it to be complete! I love it! Looking at now, it seems that it was always supposed to be a part of me. I see it as an extension of my personality, not just art or a statement. It has also helped me start up conversations with people that normally would not have just come up to me and talk to me. I love that. :)

5. I am going to lose 30lb by Nov 1. Bring it! Last night I did 100 crunches and 155 squats. After, I walked a mile and then ran/walked 2 miles while I was watching Knight and Day with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. I was sweating like a crazy mad woman. It was gross, but I felt GREAT afterwards. I'm not sore today at all which I think it really weird. I feel like I should be sore. I'm ridiculously tired, but not sore. Hmmmmmmm, well I will be back at it tonight. I have a goal and I'm NOT budging. I just want my outside to match how I feel on the inside. :)

6. Rock the Dock - I love it. I love live music. I love watching Ryot play and have fun. I love to have a little drink as the week draws to a close. I love to be surrounded in a sea of people all singing to their favorite songs. I love the atmosphere. Every Thursday, you know where I will be. Who wants to join?

**I just wrote like three paragraphs about woman in the workplace, but had to erase it because I think I will either do a full feature post on my opinion or not say anything at all. Not sure what to do with that one yet and I have to follow my prompting. My prompting, my 'good angel', my 'conscience', my 'gut feeling', my intuition - this is the Holy Spirit. And when the Holy Spirit prompts or pushes you to do something you obey. Even if it goes against your emotions, you obey because it will ALWAYS be the right decision. Emotions are not reliable, God is always reliable. I have never known this more than the past couple weeks. I was in a bit of a rut, so I stood firm and relied on God. But then that quickly changed to a self-will of thinking "I can make it on my own" which is NOT the way to go because I was quickly reminded that I can do nothing on my own.

I can't handle the stress of being a single mom - working full time, coming home to a sweet little girl full of energy and Googling where I can access an endless supply of energy so that I can keep up with playing outside, building forts, epic dance parties, painting nails, art projects, cooking dinner, cleaning up from dinner, bath time, bed time routine, working out so that I can avoid the "she's 2, it's not baby weight any more" conversations and cleaning the house that said 2 yr old just destroyed.

 

But with God I don't have to stress or worry or over-analyze.

 

Part of the sermon my Pastor so awesomely delivered on Sunday talked about how the enemy plants the same unoriginal doubts in our minds to make us ineffective. If you pay attention, you will be able to identify what the enemy uses to make you ineffective. Personally, I can see the same thread through every argument, every bad day, every sad day, every idle time in my life all boils down to this phrase:

 

"I am not enough" 

 

Not smart enough.

Not pretty enough.

Not efficient enough.

Not witty enough.

Not skinny enough.
Not a good enough mom.
Not a good enough friend.
Not a good enough employee.
Not a good enough Christian.
 

 

With God, I AM enough.

With God I can focus on what is the most important thing, my heart for His people. It doesn't matter if I have a little extra cushion or a bigger dress size. It doesn't matter that my house isn't white-glove dust test approved. It doesn't matter if at the end of the day, my desk is still covered in paper. It doesn't matter that I don't have the witty comeback just at the right time. It doesn't matter that I'm not the best at everything. What matters is that I love God and love His people. What matters is that I pour myself into the people and things around me and let God work through me.

His will, not mine. His purpose, not mine. His power, not mine. His timing, not mine.

With God I am equipped with His Spirit which gives me everything I need to live a life full of adventure, purpose and packed with a punch!

It doesn't matter that I am a single mom or that I have tattoos, a car missing a back bumper, no health insurance or a coffee addiction. All of that can, and actually already has been used for me to talk about others to God.

I was supposed to post this as my "quit anything Thursday" post, but yesterday I officially quit living in fear of not being enough. I already have proof from a more important opinion that I am.

Done and done. :)
 

Keeping Place

I can't write. But I have to write. It's burning in me to come out. So I stare at this blank screen, the cursor blinking at me with its expectations.

But I don't have anything good to say.

But what is my definition of good?
How can I define what is worth reading?

 

I have cried 4 out of the last 5 days. And not all for the same reasons.

In talking to a dear dear friend of mine, I was reminded that "everyone has seasons where the goal becomes keeping place and not losing ground. It's not a bad thing."

So that's what I'm doing. I'm going to continue reminding myself of what is truth. I'm going to stand firm and not just weather this storm but praise my Creator in this storm.

 

Permission of Empowerment

I have been under construction lately. Well, I'm always under construction, but I have been under major construction lately. Can I just plead with you for a little bit? Can I just tell you from experience that if you sincerely ask God to reveal himself to you, He will! It might not be within 5 minutes of your prayer. It might not be in the way that you expected. In fact, it probably won't be in the way you expected. But by rejoicing at His feet and seeking earnestly the will of God, you will be blessed and He will far exceed your expectations.

A couple weeks ago I started a new journey in my walk. God has been pouring His heart out and revealing His will to me in ways that I feel completely incompetent to handle. He has changed my whole view of life. Everything I once knew is changed...or more enlightened. I'm still catching up from this flood of knowledge and wisdom but I wouldn't have it any other way. An example of a change of thought process was induced by this quote I read the other day:

"The ultimate vengeance on the enemy is that whatever he tries against us only succeeds in making us bigger, better and stronger. When under attack, we focus on what the Father is giving us permission to become." -Bill Johnson

At first glance, I see this as an encouraging quote about overcoming obstacles and things that the enemy tries to throw at us. So that guy that cut me off in traffic this morning, I will pray for him, which will lead me to pray for others therefore changing my attitude to glorifying God instead of succumbing to frustration. This is true of this quote. But something else spoke to me from this quote. Instead of merely encouraging me in my walk, it empowered me to literally BE the hands and feet and heart of God.

"When under attack, we focus on what the Father is giving us permission to become."

God, the Creator of the universe has more planned for me than I could ever imagine.

I am not bound by financial struggle.
I am not bound by sickness.
I am not bound by fear.
I am not bound by social expectations.
I am not bound by age restrictions.
I am not bound by this box that I have put myself in of who I'm supposed to be.

(Please excuse the run-on sentence you are about to experience.) When I am faced with an obstacle, I already have the power in me and now, the permission from THE one and only God to have victory over this obstacle.

By choosing Christ, by accepting His love and grace and redemption in my life, I now have every tool I need to live a life of victory. NOT a life of self-induced victory, but a life of complete abandon of my desires to fulfill God's desires. There is so much more that I am destined to accomplish than to acquire the American Dream.

My job is a platform to be the hands and feet of Christ.
My family is a platform to be the hands and feet of Christ.
The obstacles, fears, sickness, hurt, grief, anger, pain, anxiety and insecurities I face are a platform to be the hands and feet of Christ.

I have not just the permission, but the honor and obligation to be the paint brush to create His masterpiece.

They say "easier said than done". That's why I write. :)

This is *not* SPARTA!

As I'm watching the movie 300, I can't help but get riled up by their passion and dedication. The courage it took for 300 men to go up against unbeatable odds is unfathomable and honestly, convicting. They die, ya know. They lose that battle. They KNEW going into the fight that they could die. Both them and their families treasured the thought of such an honorable death.

I don't wake up in the morning thinking that I might die, but yet I know I am in an active battle. And not just any battle, but a battle that has already been won! Do we, as a church (body of Christ), live like we already have the victory? Or maybe we really do know we have the victory so we don't feel the need to keep fighting....like we are taking a pleasure cruise through life instead of putting on the armor of God and bringing His will to our reality? Could it be that we try to go through our circles of life alone instead of utilizing the resources and army of fellow believers that *should be* available to us?

In the movie, Gerard Butler knows the odds that he has taking 300 men up against thousands of Persians? So what does he do? He formulates a plan to gather as one community, huddling together, moving as one unit to support each other and be a stronger force. They hold each other up, they encourage each other, they fight for each others lives. They understand that if one person fails, the whole unit fails.

We have much to learn here. Sunday morning should not be the only time you converse with fellow believers. And when you see your friends/family at church, merely discussing the week, your children's allergies or the new diet you're on should not be the only conversations. We are in a battle every day, right?

We need to cling to one another every day.
We need to fight for each others lives!
We need to fight for honor and liberty!
We need to love others as we love ourselves.
We need to help prepare each other.

'We were meant to live for so much more'
-Switchfoot

Bring the Rain

This morning on the radio I heard this chorus from a song by MercyMe:

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

Without a second thought I was just singing along and then in a still small voice I heard this:

Be careful what you ask for.

Then I had about a 30 second internal struggle that went something like this:

Wow, I really do need to be careful what I ask for. While singing this song, I am asking God to bring the rain, trials, hardships, etc if that's what it takes to praise Him.
              But I don't want it to rain. I don't want hardships.
But if it glorifies God then I DO want hardships because I know that it will only sharpen me to be more like Christ.
              But I really don't need any more financial trouble.
But if I am trusting in the Lord, He is in control and I have nothing to fear.
              But I really don't want sickness, pain, grief or obstacles.
But "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
              Ok, Jesus, if that's what is takes to praise you, bring the rain.

Addicted

Yesterday I had a cup of coffee.
This morning I had two cups of coffee.
Today at Subway I went to get my Dr. Pepper and SHAZAM it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I am addicted to caffeine. I joke about it all the time. I knew this already but I didn't really know it until today.

When I walk into my office, I am looking forward to and GENUINELY excited to get my cup of coffee. I hear the bubbling of the coffee maker brewing the coffee. I smell the sweet aroma filling the office. I ready my coffee cup and head toward the fridge for the creamer. I get small thrills from using different creamer and changing up the flavor every now and then.

But today when I was about to get my Dr. Pepper I was instantly convicted. I heard this question:

Where were these emotions this morning when you woke up to talk to Me and read My word?

Ouch, but true. I love reading my Bible. I love talking to the Lord. I love worshipping Him. But I have to be honest and admit that lately when I wake up in the morning, I do not have the same passion to read my Bible and talk to Him as I do when I am waiting for my coffee.

So I am saying goodbye to caffeine for now. I'm not saying goodbye to caffeine because of my health/diet. I'm saying goodbye to caffeine because I want to have the passion and excitement and desire to spend time with God that I have towards drinking my beloved coffee.

I have been learning so many things and God has been revealing Himself to me more than ever. I want to desire Him above anything and everything. Even something as silly as a cup of coffee. It might not seem like a big thing, but it was something that stuck out to me. And recently I learned that when the Spirit tells you to do something you need to obey, no matter how big or how small. I don't want anything in my life to be combatting my passion for God. He is my first love and first priority.

Psalm 119:18
Open my eyes, that I may behold the wondrous things out of Your law.

Psalm 37:4-5
Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act.

John 14:26
But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, He will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.

I crave time with the Lord. I crave communion with the Spirit. I crave a bigger picture. I crave miracles. I crave passion and love overflowing from me so that others see Christ instead of me.

And that all is not only just possible but completely achievable! I just have to listen and obey.

Bucket List Beginning!

I just created a Bucket List at www.bucketlist.org. I have 41 random things on there right now and it is FAR from done! Below is the list of things that immediately popped in my head in 5 minutes. And they are in no particular order.

Anyone want to help me complete them? I know I have to travel for some but a couple of them are local!

See the Red Sox at Fenway

Visit New York

See the Northern Lights (Aurora Borealis)

Build a treehouse

Attend Ellen DeGeneres show

See John Mayer perform live

See Jack Johnson perform live

Go grape stomping

Learn Tai Chi

Cover someone's car in Post-it notes

Visit Greece

Ride a gondola in Venice

Rescue a dog from an Animal Shelter

Romantic weekend getaway in a cabin

Learn to drive a stick shift

Pay for a strangers groceries

Have a wedding!

Stand on The Equator

See the Cirque de Soleil

Go on a hot air balloon ride.

Finish my half-sleeve tattoo!

Have a plant I DONT kill

Go to a chocolate factory

Build a home with a secret room

Be an extra in a film

Write a book

Have another baby

Swim with dolphins

Go on a cruise

Meet Graham Cooke

Meet Bill Johnson

Own a Dodge Charger

Meet and hug Maya Thompson

Run a 5k

Lose 30 pounds!

Climb a Volcano

Small effort big reward

Men need to be respected.
Women need to be loved.

We know this from Ephesians 5 and from general observance of the human nature in relationships.

So the next logical question (that unfortunately isn't often so logical) would be to ask your spouse:

How do you receive love/respect?
What can I do/say to make you feel loved/respected?

Such a simple question that could make a world of a difference.

If the answer is that your wife wants you to genuinely listen to what she has to say when she is stressing over an argument with a friend or relative, what harm would occur from just listening?

If the answer is that your husband needs to hear more encouragement and praise instead of the honey-do's or complaining, how hard would it be to change the way you speak?

Is it harder to be miserable or to make a small effort towards increasing the happiness of the one you love. Cherish the relationships you have. Nurture them as precious gifts.

A plan foiled...happily

Talking to friends about the Holy Spirit while reading a book about transforming my mind while my Pastor is taking us through a study on the Holy Spirit on Sundays.

Think I'm supposed to learn something here? When God wants to make His point known, he repeats himself. It is shown all in the Bible...ok, I'm listening. I'm learning.

Two weeks ago my Pastor showed us that listening to the Holy Spirit should be an ongoing, day by day, minute by minute communion with the Spirit. The book I'm reading calls it the "indwelling" of the Holy Spirit. My Pastor said that we need to listen to what the Holy Spirit is telling us to do no matter how small it is.

Last night I had just settled Ryot in bed and went back downstairs. Feeling slightly like death while coughing and sneezing, I sat down on the couch to relax a little and maybe watch a movie.

Out of nowhere, I hear this:

Proverbs 31:10

An excellent wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels.

 

But I really want to lay here.

I'm so tired.

 

Proverbs 31:15

She rises while it is yet night

and provides food for her household

and portions for her maidens.

 

But I really want to watch this movie.

I don't feel well.

 

Proverbs 31:27

She looks well to the ways of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

 

Ok, I'm now up and cleaning my kitchen.

I load the dishwasher and smile as I think about Ryot helping me with the dishes. Love that little girl and her servant's heart!

 

I wipe my counters and see the medicine that spilled on the counter from earlier causing me to pray for my sweet Ryot to feel better. I feel accomplished as my countertops are clean. I feel proud that I am creating a clutter free environment for Ryot and myself. I feel proud that I am making this crazy life on my own as a single parent. I feel so thankful for where God has brought me from helpless to hopeful.

 

As I head upstairs, I'm so thankful for the toys that I have to step over.

I walk up the stairs and see my sweet angel sleeping in her bed. I of course have to go kiss her cheek, whisper I love her and say a prayer for her health, safety and that she would know the love that her heavenly Father has. I take a shower and as I lay in bed I am so proud of the little home that I have been blessed to be slowly crafting with God's help and direction.

 

And my grand plan was to lay on the couch and sleepily stare at a tv screen.

 

God's plans are always better than mine.

 

 

Who is the unlovable?

 

 

 

Love the unlovable.

What is your definition of unlovable?

Who is your definition of unlovable?

I remember going to pick up pizza with a friend. When we pulled up, she hesitated and told me she didn't want to go in the pizza shop. I looked through the windows and saw the employee high-fiving a little kid and smiling at the kid's dad as they walked out. She was still refusing to go in the shop saying that the guy was "freaky". When I looked back, I saw for the first time his arms and chest were covered in tattoos, his face had several piercings and his clothes were not the greatest...and it hit me...He was "unlovable" to her. And at that moment something else hit me - because he was unlovable to her, at that moment she was unlovable to me. Both of us were wrong.

People with piercings, tattoos or crazy hair are just that - people with piercings and tattoos and crazy hair. People like me and you. It doesn't mean they are irresponsible or dangerous or "freaky". They choose to wear art on their body instead of have art hanging on the wall. Still people in need of kindness, compassion and love....just like the Brady Bunch family sitting across from them in the restaurant.

"We have ALL sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."  Romans 3:23

Who is the unlovable in your life?

Is it the people in your life that have a bit of a wilder streak than you?
Is it the Brady Bunch people that look like they have it all together?
Is it the family member that you don't think is making the right decisions in life?
Is it the friend who always nit picks or complains?

What about politicians? What about our President?

What is your definition of unlovable?

We are called to love. Period. Not only love your family. Not only love the people you agree with or those who agree with you. Not only love the people who look like you. Not only love the people who live in your area.

Love. Period. An open blanket statement to love everyone. An open blanket statement to be of ONE mind.

Love God. Love People.

Caring is becoming extinct

Philippians 1:21 is a pretty popular verse:

'For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain.'

We are all anticipating and desiring the coming of the Lord. However, if you read further, there is a struggle here. Paul says that he wants to depart and be with Christ but it is necessary for him to stay with the people for their benefit.

What Paul does is for others. He says he is 'hard pressed' between the two choices. He isn't ONLY saying that he wants to be with Jesus, he also has a heart for the people. We should want to be with Christ, but we should have such love for the people that we are hard pressed with the decision between the two. Like on verse 25, we should 'continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith.' Not for our degrees or careers or personal goals/success, but the building up and edifying of the other believers - All as a group edifying each other.

There should be no such thing as people not being invited to church or outings, judgement of circumstances or closed homegroups. What is that?! You might not be a 'people person' by nature but we are called to be 'people peoples', so you can no longer use that as an excuse. Everything we do should be building each other up, encouraging, admonishing, stretching our faith and being genuinely involved in each others lives - all to the glory of Christ.

Open up to those around you.
Don't be afraid to be real.
Get out or your comfort zone.
Build each other up.
Get interested in the lives of the people around you.
Love as God loves.
Wake up and stop wasting time.

Purpose in Trials

Everyone goes through trials. Everyone's trials are different. I might go through a temporary wanting-to-pull-all-my-hair-out-because-my-toddler-won't-stop-saying-mommy-mom-mom-mom-mommy-mom-128359823750179542837523576 times-like-Stewie-from-Family Guy trial. It might be a bigger more heart-breaking trial like my marriage ending a year ago. For my friends in college and my little sistaface Paige in highschool, your trial might be senoritis or just the stress of the school workload. For the Nevils, they experienced the trial of a horrific car accident that took the life of a Godly mom/wife and severely injured a bright, beautiful daughter (who is recovering quite nicely, praise God!).

When Paul wrote this particular letter to the Philippians, his trial was that he was in prison. From prison, this is what he wrote:

"Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. ¹³ As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. ¹⁴ And because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear.
¹⁵ It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. ¹⁶ The latter do so out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. ¹⁷ The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. ¹⁸ But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.
Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, ¹⁹ for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. ²⁰ I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. ²¹ For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. ²² If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! ²³ I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; ²⁴ but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. ²⁵ Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, ²⁶ so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me."
Philippians 1:12-26

You hear believers and unbelievers alike say "Everything happens for a reason". Myself along with hundreds of other people have been touched and truly encouraged by the story of the Nevils. (I don't know if the link will work, but you can search "Praying for the Nevils" in Facebook and find them) I have been following their journey on Facebook and adamantly praying for them. I have been brought to tears by their faith and positivity through a horrible tragedy in their family. I don't think any child should ever have to go through life without a parent. I know firsthand how hard it is. But look at how many people have been ministered to through Steve Nevil's unwavering faith in our great God. There is purpose.

I was completely at the bottom of the bottom, heartbroken and scared when my marriage ended. I didn't understand what I did wrong or why I wasn't good enough. I didn't know how I was going to be a single mom. I ached to my core thinking that I had failed Ryot in giving her the stable home that I always wanted for her. But God....God had a bigger plan for me. I am now more in love with God than I ever have been in my life. I am happier than I have ever been. I have joy that lasts throughout daily struggles and worries. I have a purpose and a calling to do more and be more and accomplish more than I ever could have imagined. I could not have gotten to this place while still trying to please everyone around me more than God...including my husband. Now, I'm not saying this to get into a debate on whether God caused or allowed this to happen. That is another topic entirely.

Paul could have whimpered and sulked and cried out to God asking why had He let such a horrible thing happen to Him. Instead Paul focused on what was being accomplished through the trial. Through my divorce, I now have a heart for marriages and single parents. I have an experience that helps me identify with others. I have met some of the most amazing people and have gotten to minister to people in similar situations. Every experience, good and bad, has shaped me into who I am. I can sulk that I am a struggling full-time working mom living in a new area...OR...I can trust that God has me exactly where He wants me and is preparing me for something greater. I can trust that God will be my validation and will fill every void for Ryot that I thought my failed marriage would cause. There is purpose.

We are human, we have emotions, but we can NOT be run by our emotions. God will receive the glory whether we give it to Him or not. But how much happier could your life be and what could you accomplish if you surrender your wants, desires, struggles, heart aches to Him and see a purpose in it?

We are allowing our emotions to limit us from the freedom and purpose that we already have in God. Wake up and accept the victory that Christ purchased for us on the cross!

Spirit and Truth in One

Last Sunday I tried a new church and fell in love. I fell in love with the people. I fell in love with their openness. I fell in love with their passion. I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be. To top it off, the message was exactly what I needed to hear. Imagine that! ;) We just so happened to start a new series on the Holy Spirit. Seriously, perfect timing to pair with the conversations I've had recently, the book I've been reading recently and ultimately exactly what God has been teaching me.

Below are my notes, thoughts, quotes, etc all meshed in one.

Acts 18:24 "Meanwhile a Jew named Apollos, a native of Alexandria, came to Ephesus. He was a learned man, with a thorough knowledge of the Scriptures."

Sounds great, right? He had a thorough knowledge of the scriptures...this is something to be envied. However, the latter part of vs 26 says that Priscilla and Aquila "invited him to their home and explained to him the way of God more adequately."

God is thoroughly in the scriptures, but there is so much more to God than just knowledge. The question that needs to be asked is this, "Do I have a living, acting, knowledge AND experience of the Holy Spirit?"

John 4:24 says "God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth."

There is no separating the Spirit and truth. You can't say that you believe in the Bible but not believe in the Holy Spirit. My pastor said "Get off the see saw! You are missing out AND actually swinging in error." We can not continue to separate the Spirit and truth...And here is proof:

From the very beginning Genesis 1 says that the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. He was there from the very beginning. The Holy Spirit is the co-eternal, exact representation of God on earth with us. Genesis 1:26 reveals a plural pronoun saying "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness."

2 Corinthians 13:14 says "May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all." The Father, the Son and the Spirit - three in one. God is calling us to embrace the Holy Spirit.

2 Corinthians 3:17 "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." We can't treat the Holy Spirit as a commodity. The Holy Spirit grieves and loves. The Holy Spirit is not an "it". You can't choose God and Jesus without the Holy Spirit. They are all co-equal.

John 14:16-17 shows that the Holy Spirit is our advocate.

John 14:26 shows that the Holy Spirit teaches and reminds us.

Jesus by choice limited himself to time and space. In John 16, Jesus explained to his disciples that it would be BETTER for him to leave and for them to have the Holy Spirit because we can have the Spirit all the time. Jesus could only physically be in one place at a time, but the Holy Spirit dwells within those who believe. The presence of God IS the Holy Spirit.

Example: the wind. We can't see it, but we certainly see the effect. A relationship with God should be accompanied with the effects of the Holy Spirit in our lives!

Pastor Fred then pointed out something that I had never really thought of before. He said "The spirit realm is more real than the physical realm. The Spirit of God created the physical world so all of reality actually dwells in the Spirit of God." Now if this doesn't get you excited, I'm not sure what will!

Ephesians 1:13 says that we are marked with the seal of the Holy Spirit. When a king marked a document with a seal it was binding and authoritative. No one could take that away. How true is that that we are marked with the very Spirit of the living God - the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead! No person, no spirit, no entity, no experience, no sin, no fear, no doubt - NOTHING can separate us from the Spirit living and dwelling in us.

Meditate on the Bible, yes, but there is SO much more that He wants to show us as His children!

Joshua was told by God to study the law of Moses. Joshua was obedient and knew the law backwards and forwards. But then God told Joshua to march around the walls and shout and then the walls would fall down. Where was that in the law of Moses? It wasn't. He had to listen to the Lord's Spirit. The Bible provides truth but the Holy Spirit speaks in the NOW way.

Romans 5:8 shares God's love being poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit. I certainly want God's love. I can't receive God's love, or healing, or blessing or favor through any other facet except His Spirit.

I can memorize every scripture in the Bible. In fact, I would personally love to do that. But what good is it, if we are not whole-heartedly listening to the Spirit for what we are supposed to DO?

Accept the Spirit. Accept His role in your life. Experience, literally, a whole new world of possibilities.

Get it. Got it. Good.

I had an entire blog post typed up about something that I talk about frequently, but had problems when I went to post it.

So I tried to post it again and had more problems.

Ok, I hear You loud and clear. It's not my place to elaborate this time.

This is all I have to say today:

No Sleep For Me!

Four reasons why I couldn't sleep last night:

 

1. Thunderstorm.

There was one HUGE BOOM that set off car alarms last night. Seriously? Thunder so loud that it shook the cars? I don't like rain or storms (as I referenced in my post here), but I was reminded by my awesome sister-in-law today, through her facebook status, that "this is the day that the Lord has made", so I am going to "rejoice and be glad in it". (Psalm 118:24) I didn't like that the thunder woke me up. I didn't like that the car alarms all went off for 20 minutes keeping me awake. But I did like how I was immediately reminded how great and powerful my God is. It was a moment between me and Him that I guess I needed. Everything happens for a reason and I fell back asleep until I was woken up by reason #2.

2. Peeing - This might be TMI. Sorry, not sorry.

I think my subconscious was hearing the rain outside because I woke up not just merely having an urge to use the facilities....I woke up and sprinted up the stairs like 7 steps at a time to barely make it to the bathroom on time. Errrr, my bed was so comfy, but I can't be frustrated considering I drank like 3 bottles of water right before I went to sleep. But after that cardio work out, I couldn't fall back to sleep because of reason #3.

 

3. Committee Meeting.

When you think and think and think and think about sleeping and think about not sleeping and then start thinking about what you are going to wear and eat and do and drink and think the next day and then think about where you are in life and how much money is in the bank and why you can't figure out how to describe what water tastes like....I call those committee meetings. They are great to do during the day like in the shower or while driving, but at night they are quite inconvenient. But all this thinking then turns into dreaming which brings me to #4.

 

4. Nightmares/Thriller Dreams.

 

 I was not dreaming about Jennifer Lawrence. I was not even particularly dreaming about The Hunger Games, but more of a thriller dream/nightmare with a Hunger Game influence. I remember almost the whole dream/nightmare, but it ended with a one-eyed, 6'4, 300 pound, Thor-looking beast of a man creeping around a van that I was hiding behind while holding a 2x4 ready to smash my head in. Not exactly a pleasant feeling. I can't say that it was entirely a nightmare because I wasn't really terrified like scary but more terrified like anxious and feeling like those very creepy moments right before a murderer in a mask jumps up in front of the window you are intently staring at. I was waiting and creeping and sneaking and lurking and hoping that this giant didn't find me and crush in my skull. I suddenly woke up from that and strangely wished I hadn't. I wanted to see how it ended. I wanted to escape. But now I will never know.

So right now, I am making myself a pot of coffee...yes, an entire pot. Don't judge me.

Couldn't I?

I don't think I'm the only person who has ever said, "I can't".
I don't think I'm the only person to think "I'm not good enough".
But Jesus paid my debt. While I was still, and am still a sinner, my debt is paid.

What an incredible gift!

I am saved from death, yes. I am saved from unhappiness and I take that so for granted. There are so many people taking pills for depression.  There are so many people who end their lives because they can't find a way to be happy. My own mom ended her life because the stress of the world was too heavy on her. Completely unnecessary! Even if my world turned upside down...even when my world turned upside down when I was 8 and then thrown for another loop just a year ago, I still have every reason to sing His praises and be filled with indescribable joy. My Savior took my sins, washed me white as snow and now His Holy Spirit lives in me. There are so many people addicted to drugs or alcohol that give them that temporary high when they could have this permanent freedom and joy that no man-made drug could ever produce! I am so grateful beyond words and emotions for the sacrifice made on my behalf, but it can't just stop there. I can't just be grateful and continue living in my little grateful bubble. What are we doing?

Matthew 9:18-22
While he was saying this, a synagogue leader came and knelt before him and said, “My daughter has just died. But come and put your hand on her, and she will live.” Jesus got up and went with him, and so did his disciples. Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.” Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment.

This woman was healed by merely touching Jesus' cloak, right? No. This woman was healed because she believed that by merely touching his cloak she would be healed. So often in my life I have desperately wished I could have walked with Jesus. I wish I could have been there to see Him perform miracles. I wish I could have seen Him walk on water. I wish I could have heard Him speak and witnessed first-hand how He loved others with the perfect amount of justice and mercy.

WAIT. STOP.

 

This is crazy! Why would I believe that Jesus would perform these miracle, teach great life-changing sermons, love His people perfectly, die for my sins, rise again to be seated with the Father, and then all of what he did just vanish? This is a ridiculous belief! Now, I didn't realize that that was what I was believing but that is sure how I was acting! After He ascended to be with the Father, it says in Acts 2 that "all of them were filled with the Holy Spirit". When I took the step of believing in God, His Holy Spirit came to live in me. Yes, Peter got to walk and talk with Jesus, but I have Him living in me. 

 

I believe His Holy Spirit lives in me. Couldn't I teach great sermons?

I believe His Holy Spirit lives in me. Couldn't I love His people as He did?

I believe His Holy Spirit lives in me. Couldn't I perform miracles?

 

We are capable of great things not because of our own goodness or willpower but because our powerful and perfect God.

 

Take a step out of the comfortable grateful bubble. There is a world beyond imagination that we were destined for! A world of the seen and unseen. A world of spiritual warfare and great miracles.