I was listening to 100.3 KILT this morning on my way to work. Every morning, they have a segment called "The Brutal Truth" where a touchy subject is dissected by the DJ's and listeners. Anyone can call in and give their opinion on the issue.
I love this.
I love this for multiple reasons. One reason is because I love people. I love the differences in opinions and thought processes. Everyone has a way of thinking or way of doing things, which most everyone thinks is the 'right' way. This is due to the personal experiences and knowledge that that person has built up in their life to cause them to think this way. Another reason I love the brutal truth is because it challenges me. They bring up topics that make me think, and some of them I've never even considered. I like the intellectual stimulation, the challenge and the way is forces me to consider my own experiences, knowledge and belief on the situation.
A couple weeks ago, the brutal truth was from a 40 yr old single mom of a teenager. She said that her son's friend who was 18 was really hitting on her and she didn't know if she should accept his advances or not. She said that she was conflicted because he seemed very mature for his age, was very good looking, sweet, kind, and an adult - meaning he was 18. This, to me, was immediately a no-brainer that it was inappropriate for her to even be considering acting on the advances of her teenage son's friend. In my opinion, there are too many grey lines and I think that age gap is a little too significant at that point in time. (Again, just my opinion) But I was surprised to hear the conflicting arguments from listeners calling in.
Today was different. Today was about money. A guy called in saying that he has been dating a girl for 3 months and he has to pay for everything. She has not offered to pay for anything, but still wants to go out and do a lot of activities, dinners, movies, etc. The DJ's were conflicted in their answers. One of the guys said that it was about chivalry and the guy should just pay because that is what he is supposed to do. The girl said that on the first couple dates the guy should pay, no doubt. However, if you have been dating for a while it should turn into a partnership where the it is give and take.
Another piece to the puzzle - If after the couple has been dating for a while it was decided that there should be more of a partnership instead of a one-way street, how does he bring the conversation up? Does he even bring the conversation up? Does he talk about how expensive something is or does he mention that he maybe can't afford to go somewhere? This is where the lines got a little hazy for me.
I think this is about chivalry and partnership. I hold southern values that the guy should open the door (cars and buildings) for girls. I think that he should stand up when she arrives and leaves the table. I love hearing yes ma'am and no ma'am. (melts my heart!) I believe whole-heartedly in chivalry, respect and doting on the person you care about. And because of this, I don't think it is ever ok in the beginning of a relationship to complain about how expensive something is. Oh man, that makes me nervous even thinking about it. I mean if you see something that is waaay out of your league and you joke about how you can't afford it, that's different. But if you are complaining that the tab or the restaurant is too expensive, then you shouldn't be going out on a date, or you should have planned a different date. Don't make your date feel bad or awkward. That's rude.
Now, I think in the case of the guy that called in to the Brutal Truth, I honestly don't know what to tell him. I think that she should be chipping in a little every now and then. I also think that it should be at her prompting and it shouldn't have to be brought up in a formal conversation. I think the only way this would work is if he was pretty smooth about it, like:
"I'll buy the concert tickets if you buy the drinks."
"I'll buy the movie tickets if you buy the popcorn."
"I'll buy dinner if you buy dessert."
And even this can be taken the wrong way. If this was said to me on the first date, I don't think I would like that. But if we had been dating for 3 months, I think this would be perfectly normal. I think in this guy's case, it all boils down to the pattern that he has set and her willingness to be a partner with him instead of just mooching.
I don't think that my opinion is necessarily the only right answer, but it is how I feel based on my experiences, knowledge and belief.
What do you think? Should his girlfriend be helping him pay for things? Should he bring it up in conversation? HOW would he bring it up in conversation? What do YOU think?
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