Unpopular Regression

As I was leaving the building, I could see she was struggling with holding her phone, the baby, her keys, the diaper bag and what looked like some sort of play mat. I darted back to the daycare door to catch it in time before it locked. As I opened the door, I smiled and she pushed past me into the building with no thank you or even a smile in return for my efforts.

"As unto the Lord. Work as unto the Lord." I repeated in my brain as I got back in my car. I'm sure my face was beet red with embarrassment. I felt like such an idiot. Why did I not just play it cool? I could have just walked out and let the door shut. I didn't have to seem like such a desperate overachiever.

Wait. Why am I chastising myself? I did what was right. Why am I not irritated at that girl? She was the unappreciative one. But I felt nothing towards her but embarrassment. I was instantly transported back to the awkward girl in high school walking past the popular group. I cared so much about what she thought of me, this random pretty stranger, that I was the one uncomfortable when she was rude. 

Hello, old doormat version of myself, I haven't seen you in a while. 

Isn't it crazy how fast we can revert to old ways? It was so easy for me in that moment to feel so uncomfortable and judged. Not that getting irritated at her was the correct way to feel, but it seems more normal in my mind. Whatever that normal word means anyway.

Ephesians 6:7 

"Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord not people." 

Colossians 3:23 

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men" 

Galatians 1:10 

"For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ."

I did what was right, but what matters to God more than the work I did is my heart behind the work. Something rose up in me in that moment. As long as I am in this body, there will be obstacles and trials that stir something to rise up. Will goodness and mercy be the first things that rise? In the moments that my flesh rises up first, will I quiet them with gentleness? Will I confidently respond by extending grace to those who are undeserving? Afterall, it was undeserved grace that allows me to live and be free.

The world needs grace something fierce. We have the incredible opportunity to soak in the grace meant for us and extend the overflow of that to the people we interact with.

Live your life. Walk confidently. Speak boldly.

The Creator's opinion is the only one that matters, and he loves that pretty lady more than I understand. Accept grace for yourself and delight in extending grace to others.

You won't regret it.