The Big Beginning: Part One

I woke up nervous. I rose early with Sweetness as the normal routine kicked in. But this day was anything but normal. Making Blueberry muffins was the perfect distraction from the nerves fluttering in my stomach. I could only take a few bites of the muffins before my appetite disappeared in a flash.

The morning was flying by so quickly. The clock seemed to skip over entire half hours at a time. I was rushed and slightly unorganized but trying to take in every moment before our lives changed. I wanted to text him. Could I? Was that against the rules? I thought against it and sat down to write him a letter instead. The paper stared at me blankly, almost taunting me in a way. How could I write down everything I wanted to say to the one who makes me speechless? How could I capture all of the ways that this was one of the best days of my life? I wrote what I'm sure was a blubbering mess, and put it in a safe place so I wouldn't forget it.

My dear friend Nikki was so helpful with setting up for the wedding and helping me take care of Sweetness both the day before and morning of. It was so wonderful to have someone there who has been through the crazy bumps that we have been through together. She helped avert my attention from the nerves and keep me focused, but she also let me be giddy and excited. She asked me questions, made me laugh, and helped make me feel so special. I love that girl.

We turned on the news to make sure the weather was still planning on being kind to me that day. And because I have a BIG God who loves me, the bright yellow sun was scheduled to shine all day. What a relief! Nikki laughed and pointed out that the news was highlighting wedding bloopers. Really? On the morning of my wedding, the news wants to highlight all of the funny and horrible things that could possibly happen? Of course they would. So I just took it as a sign to let go of all expectations and be at ease with whatever happened. It was hilarious to watch all of the videos and we just prayed nothing crazy like that would happen for me. Having that mindset made it a lot easier when later my brother leaned over during pictures to ask me, "did you hear what happened with the queso?". No, I didn't hear about the queso, to which he responded, "nevermind then." I was too wrapped in enjoying all of my family and friends being there to care.

I felt so taken care of all day long. My fantastic friend Keeley, and my sisters made sure that I had coffee, snacks, and that I was comfortable. I didn't want to eat, but I was told I wasn't allowed to have my coffee unless I ate something, so banana and oatmeal it was. Keeley didn't want me passing out during the ceremony. What a party pooper, right? She would totally be laughing at me if I did, but she would also be one of the first people there to help me up. I love that girl, too.

Getting ready was a nice calm moment of the day. My talented big sister, Coral, fixed my hair and makeup. It was a special moment for me, almost as if mom was there just through Coral and I being present in that moment. Staring at my no filter, no make up, morning monster reflection while getting pampered was a challenge, however. It goes against several things that make me feel uncomfortable. My sister, Lindsey, was taking pictures that I truly cherish, but no one really wants to see those. Ha! I never had to worry though. Everyone from the little kiddos, as well as my friends and family all made me feel beautiful and so special.

Before our first look, I heard Jacob's voice outside of the room I was getting ready in. My nerves instantly doubled. He was there. So close. I wanted to run to him. I wanted a big hug. I wanted to see his face and look into his kind eyes. But I had to wait, so I leaned on the door frame, closed my eyes, and just listened to his laugh and the chaos of everyone getting everything ready. There was something so perfect about that moment. Looking back on it now, I remember it as the last time of longing. The last moment that I would be waiting for one of my best dreams to come true. In just a few hours that man would be my husband.

Those pesky nerves seemed to triple by the minute before our first look. I was led outside where I first saw his shadow on the ground. It's crazy how much the shadow of someone can impact your emotions on a day like that day. I reached around the fence to hold his hand while Coral and Lindsey took more pictures. As we set up for the big reveal,  I couldn't breathe. I just wanted him to see me all dressed up, ready to be his bride. Would he like the dress, or my hair? Was I wearing too much make up, or not enough? So many thoughts, memories, and nerves flooded my system as I walked towards him and grabbed his arm.

When he turned around, I stood for a moment unable to make eye contact, a fragile statue afraid that if I moved I might crack or burst into tears. Finally, I mustered the confidence to look up. The next few moments were in slow motion as I took in how handsome the love of my life looked, and how he was looking at me. That smile, the ways his eyes lit up. He took a step back to see my dress and my nerves disappeared. I was just happy to be there with him in that moment. Just like the lyrics of the song that played as I walked down the aisle say, "In a room full of people, everything else disappears." It was just him and me. Perfection.

The next hour and a half flew by in a rush of hugs, tears, kisses, and precious memories being made as we took family pictures and finished getting ready for the ceremony. Since our family was expanding, we resolved to take some pictures before and some after the ceremony. Everyone looked so beautiful and handsome and cute and perfect. Everyone was so happy and friendly. Pictures were taken, a ton of hugs were given out, and as we separated for the big beginning, all of my nerves were gone. I felt nothing but pure bliss and thankfulness to be marrying my answer to prayer. So many people that we loved and cherished were all gathered in one place to celebrate our love and the joining of our lives together. There were also several people who didn't get to come, but showed their love and support from the distance. We felt so overwhelmed with love and blessings from all of those who cared for us.

I went inside to freshen up and make sure that everything was in place, packed for the road, and made sure everything was presentable. Those few moments inside were the perfect time to take deep breaths and remember all of the things that had led up to that moment. Some were sad and I thanked God for His Sovereignty and comfort. Some memories were so happy that I almost starting crying before the ceremony began. I walked out into the living room and saw our officiate and dear friend, Beau. He was so excited and prayed with us before we walked outside to say, "I Do".

This was it. This was the big beginning. And it was happening now.