I get to be me.

"Did you play sports in high school?"

This question excited me. For a couple minutes I reminisced those fun days and shared stories and stats. I tried to find some pictures, but I couldn't in the limited amount of time I had. I used to be a good athlete. I wasn't the best on the team, but I held my own. Regardless of skill, I loved it. It was my favorite part of high school.

"Wow, I can't imagine you being fast," he says as he burst into a fit of laughter, "I bet your high school self is just looking at you disappointed. How are you not more athletic and active right now?"

Wow. Well, hello there Mr. Tact. My first thought was that I was definitely eating a salad for lunch. My second thought was that I had to come up with some response that didn't include sarcasm or insecurity.

In the best way I could, I explained that my life is different now. My priorities have changed. My schedule is busier in a completely different way. I have responsibilities of my husband, home, daughter, dog, job, friends, and my awesome church. I love my life. Are there ways that it could be better? Are there things that I want to improve on? Are there things I miss about being in shape, active, and playing sports? Yes to all. But would I trade my daughter for a bikini body? Not a chance. Would I trade my husband and my home to play competitive sports? No, of course not. Is God continually doing a work in me about my appearance and what is important to Him? Yes, but it's not success if I achieve my goals through a spirit of defeat, envy, or for any other wrong motive.

I want to take care of my body because it is the temple of the Holy Spirit, not because of what I used to be or because I have to live up to today's standards of beauty.

So I will take this conversation as a test.
My patience was tested.
My response was tested.
My heart was tested.
My love was tested.
My journey will continue to be tested as I grow and mature to be more like Jesus.

Because that is what I want. I want to be like Jesus.
If I am never a size 4...but I love the unlovable, I will be happy.
If I never have a bikini body again...but I get to bring comfort to those around me, I will be happy.

I have incubated life.
I have survived a crazy and fun life, and have not been torn down by misery.
I am thriving.
I have joy that doesn't depend on my size, my activity levels, or my status on this earth.

I don't have to live up to who I used to be. I've already surpassed her. I get to be me.