Not Aimless

I don't feel like I thought I would feel at 25. Is that ever the case with age?

Maybe it's because the crowd that I hang out with has been older than me for the majority of my life. Or maybe it's because the life that I have now was never in my imagination. It's perfectly beautiful, and I have no regrets, but it's just a strange feeling to be somewhere that you didn't expect to be.

I read some of my blogging friend's short bio paragraphs this morning. It was amazing to see all that they have accomplished. Publishers, experts in this or that, parents, entrepreneurs, professionals, and activists among other things. These aren't celebrities, but real people I know. Some of my friends are pediatricians, finishing up med school, teachers, police officers, soldiers, scientists, musicians, coaches, photographers, reality developers, publishers, nurses, painters, dentists, real estate agents, Pastors, Young Life directors, and so much more. Two people on my friends lists are preparing for or have already completed their Tedx Talks right now. That just seems crazy to me.

In full disclosure, I sparingly have moments that I am envious of title or life stage. My deep desire to stay home with Sweetness instead of being a full time mom can sometimes breed irritation when I see SAHM's complaining about going stir crazy. However, I imagine that those same mom's get weary of the monotony of the walls of their homes. I'm a mom. I know that exhaustion. Sweetness woke me up at 3:45 yesterday morning and dozed off and on until we finally got out of her little twin bed at 5:00am. Then I had to work all day, not wearing yoga pants in the comfort of my own home. Believe me, I know exhaustion.

My only resolution that I made in January was to live life more fully. So many great and wonderful things happened last year. Milestones were made, and incredible redemption was brought to Sweet's and my story in the most incredible ways. I loved 2014. I just want to love 2015 more. There are some practical things that I want to accomplish this year, like go on our trip to the DR, move into a house, add a fur baby and possibly a sibling for Sweetness to our family, but mostly I just want to remember everything. I want to be present, make memories, and leave a legacy. I want to be intentional in my relationships as well as my rest.

Some would say that the options are limitless of the things I can do...actually, it sounds like something I would tell someone else. So why don't I believe it for myself? I can do anything, right? I can accomplish anything I put my mind to. So what do I want? What do I want to add to my bio?

I can't answer that right now. There are a few ideas that pop in my head that need sorting through first. But there is also a lot of blank space that I haven't allowed myself to dream and fill. A blank space with no instruction makes me nervous, but I know it doesn't need to. So that is exactly what I will be working on.

Everyday is a step towards something and I refuse to walk aimlessly.