I've seen this to be so true for Sweetness. If she is being difficult, it's so easy to get frustrated and even feel validated or just in my heated response to her. However, if I am listening to the Holy Spirit when she is testing the boundaries and press into that area with her, I am most often greeted with a tender side that actually explains what is wrong instead of the face of the temper tantrum. So her and I have really been working on expressing feelings better and not letting her actions get out of control when her emotions are high.
I'm thankful for the teachers, volunteers, and friends who love on Sweetness with patience! I pray for her constantly and try to consistently reinforce her character and the choice she has to be happy or to let her temper get the best of her. But it takes more than just me. So thanks, village of friends, who help me to love and raise one of the most important and precious people in my life.
For those of you who haven't thought about it, try a little tenderness next time your child, your student, your friend or relative, or the child you are watching who might behave badly. Before you react to their emotions, try to think about where the tension is coming from. Press into that place. Dare to get dirty with them and help them back to a level place of peace.
Encourage, reassure, love, reinforce safety and stability, lay firm boundaries but with the clear intent to protect, be transparent in your love for them and always, always point them to the cross.
You never know at what moment that the message will click.
I understand this fully. If Monster is testing me, testing his limits, I try talking to him. If it is bad, I do have to talk sternly. We are getting better about it too. We talk, we listen to each other. If it is an extra hard day on him, i take away tv. (He loves to get to watch his 1 or 2 episodes of Disney shows at night and when he wakes up.) If he had a bad day at school we talk about what happened and why he doesnt need to act like that. We have a couple minutes of seriousiness then we get silly together. I'm trying and trying not to raise my voice to him. I tell him if he does something reactions others might have. (like if he hits, would he like if someone hit him?!). It is honestly becoming so much easier. He is getting so much better. We've had a rough past year. But in the end it has not only brought us and my mom closer, but it has made us stronger people.
ReplyDeleteI love you and sweetness. Youre the best mommy, friend & i'm sure wife ever! Love you SW!
LOVE you SW! You are the best momma for that little Monster boy. Miss you!
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