Sometimes I get a little lost

Sometimes I get a little lost.

I used to take my journal to the mall, buy a hot latte and a cookie, and people watch as I wrote blog posts, stories, and random observations. Now I write in my journal in the small time frame in between dropping Sweetness off at school and my work day begins. It's no longer stories and random observations, but pleads for help and cries of praise to the God who sustains me.

Sometimes I get a little lost.

I have piles of laundry, piles of dishes, piles of paperwork, piles of kids toys, piles of bills. I can't do it all. I can try. I can get organized and prioritize the more important projects first. I can put work aside to spend time with Sweetness. I can remember to take a shower and brush my teeth, but then I walk back out to clutter and dog hair.

Sometimes I get a little lost.

I used to get lost in the pages of a book, or the wind in the trees at the park. I used to just lay on the floor and listen to good music. I used to have more time on my hands than I knew what to do with. I used to be able to make last minute plans with friends piling in my apartment. I used to have movie nights with my girl friends. I used to lay on the beach for hours and tan. I used to play sports and train several hours a day.

Sometimes I get a little lost.

I was watching her paint earlier today. She was rinsing the brush in the water and watching the color swirl in circles. As she was mesmerized by the water, I was mesmerized by her. She was so calm and focused. She brushed her hair back but a few strands fell down in front of her eye. Her plump little cheeks were rosy from the epic dance party that had just taken place.

Sometimes I get a little lost.

Sometimes I get caught up in being a wife, employee, and mom, that I forget that I am a girl. Once there was only me and my hopes, yes, but those hopes included a dream of the life that I live now. Those desires for a little girl come with the piles of toys and laundry. Those dreams of a husband, my handsome husband, come with the reality of dishes in the sink, and dog hair on the floor from our Gracie girl. I really don't mind it all, I just get a little lost sometimes.

Listen friends, balance is elusive. If we had balance, we wouldn't need Jesus. We will never obtain perfect balance of life, love, responsibility, spontaneity, fun, risks, etc.

I'm done getting lost. I will never find balance. It doesn't exist.
Becoming a mom to my Sweetness and a wife to my handsome husband is something I would never give up for anything.

We are not the sum of my faults and short comings. We are also not only the sum of one thing. We are allowed to be multiple things without being an expert at all of them at one time.

We are allowed to just be without explaining anything.