One minute and one second

Me: ok, night night Sweetness, I love you more than you know. 

Sweets: I want you to lay with me for one minute and one second!

Me: I need to go lay in my bed to sleep. I don't fit in your bed very well. 

Sweets: but I won't have a mom! I need a mom!

I happily stayed until she fell asleep. I laid there wondering how many more times I will get to watch her fall asleep while I play with her hair. One day she might not want me to stay in there with her, so for that moment I treasured those extra cuddles. 

As I laid there next to her, I looked at how her rosy cheeks were so plump and squished against the pillow; they are so soft like they were as a baby. I cherish things that make my very grown up 3 yr old a baby still. She had a couple of her silky strands of hair hanging in her face that I brushed away as she made a huge sigh of giving in to falling asleep. Her small hand with her long fingers was nestled up by her face so gently. I ran my finger tips over hers and she gripped them. I wonder how many more times she will want me to hold her hand. 

After she was asleep I pulled the covers off of her a little so that her fever wouldn't have an excuse to go crazy. I gave her one more kiss on her forehead and snuck out of the room. I crawled back into bed with my hubs quietly and laid there instantly missing her. 

And at 130 in the morning I still laid there awake thinking about her laugh, and the funny way she says things. I could't help but ponder all the ways I could have done things differently, and I thanked God for His Grace. I made plans to be a more patient, loving mommy. My brain spun a thousand miles a minute thinking of so many things, plans, mistakes, good memories, to-do lists, and funny stories. 

That night I prayed for mommies. The ones who dish out medicine at 1 am or give lukewarm baths to draw out the fever on the middle of the night. The ones who work so hard to give their children what they need often sacrificing their own sleep or desires or even just a hot cup of coffee. I thought of you as you rocked your baby in the middle of the night. I prayed for you as you stayed up late finishing school or cleaning the house because you chose to spend time with your little ones during the day instead. And I prayed for you, pregnant momma who was tossing and turning in the middle of the night. There are so many things that are uncomfortable during those life-forming months, but oh so worth it. 

Grace, and abundance of grace, to you.