This Mountain

1 Peter 5: 6-11
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober minded; be watchful, your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever.

I don't know how to handle this mountain. It's too big. Too close to home. You say here humble myself so that you may exalt me, not can. Interesting choice of words. Humbling myself then is not a big red button that allows you to exalt me, but a heart requirement that puts me in the perfect position to hear you, see you work, feel you move in my heart and really see changes. Well here I am. I don't know how to handle this mountain. I don't have the answers or the map the find the answers. I don't know what to do with these feelings of anxiety and fear that swell up. This is a situation that I can't control, but you care. You so sweetly care for me and my family.

You say to be sober-minded and watchful. I know there is an enemy. I'm not oblivious like I was before. I am on guard and will resist his advances. My faith is firm in your truth in Psalm 139 and I believe that truth that you see me, know me, and love every part of me that I relinquish to you as well as the parts that I try to keep hidden.

Psalm 139:1-17
Oh Lord, you have looked through me and have known me. You know when I sit down and when I get up. You understand my thoughts from far away. You look over my path and my lying down. You know all my ways very well. Even before I speak a word, Oh Lord, You know it all. You have closed me in from behind and in front. And you have laid your hand upon me. All you know is too great for me. It is to much for me to understand. Where can I go from your Spirit? Or where can I run away from where you are? IF I go up to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in the place f the dead, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning or live in the farthest part of the sea, even there your hand will lead me and your right hand will hold me. If I say, "For sure the darkness will cover me and the light around me will be night," even the darkness if not dark to you. And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are the same to you. For you made the parts inside m. You put me together inside my mother. I will give thanks to you, for the greatness of the way I was made brings fear. Your works are great and my soul knows it very well. My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret and put together with care in the deep part of the earth. Your eyes saw me before I was put together. And all the days of my life were written in your book before any of them came to be. Your thoughts are of great worth to me, Oh God. How many there are! If I could number them, there would be more than the sand When I awake, I am still with you. 

This type of mountain is different. It's tall and wide with hidden caverns and winding roads. It's unknown territory. It's terrifying. But in 1 Peter you say that there are other people just like me who are dealing with the same mountain. It's a relief to my soul to know that I am not alone on this journey. I wish I could meet that person; that one in the same boat as me. But would that be beneficial? Would we just encourage each others fear? Would they have different levels of anxiety that would add to mine? No, maybe it's best that I don't know that person. I don't need any help in finding different dimensions of this mountain to fear. But it is a sweet, quiet hum in my soul to know that I am not alone in staring at this mountain. I will pray for you, my dear friend. Whoever you are out there dealing with this treacherous mountain. I pray that the same peace I long for will come to you swiftly and that your mountain will not just be moved, but will be blown to pieces in the powerful name of Jesus. And in the meantime, before God handles this in the way that only He can, I will pray that He quiets your mind and shows you endlessly that He is for you, and that He is good. All the time.

I know that this mountain is temporary. And I know that that word "temporary" is such a fluid term for this life. Will this mountain go away while I'm still alive, or is the mountain temporary while I am still on this temporary earth? Will it be solved? Will justice be dealt like my human heart so desires? Or will I die still praying the same prayers? Either way, I know the question I must ask myself is not if the mountain will go away, but will I still trust and believe that if in this lifetime, this mountain doesn't go away, God is still all-powerful, merciful, just, loving, forgiving, and continuously working good for me; and if I allow it, through me.

Will I allow Him to work good through me in this time? Will I daily strive to choose faith over fear? Will I continue, for however long it takes, to pray believing that God answers prayers? This is the true fight. The mountain itself is just a means to an end. It is the way that the enemy is working to win the battle over my heart and my mind.

I don't know how I would be able to handle this mountain for the rest of my life. But if I do, if relief doesn't come, if things aren't solved. I will still forever proclaim that God is perfect and good in all His ways.

Today, I put on the belt of truth.
Today I say, I am not guaranteed life tomorrow or even the next moment, so for as long as I live, I will continue to proclaim that He is good.