Close to my heart

This morning while the little girl still slept peacefully, I just stopped for a moment and gazed at her. I stared at the rising and falling of her chest. I noticed how there was a couple strands of hair on her nose that danced as she exhaled. Her arms were all sprawled out in crazy fashion but somehow she was completely relaxed and comfortable. I brushed her hair back and kissed her soft cheek. She smelled so good and felt so good be near. I kissed her a couple more times before she stirred and I was forced to stop. I didn't want to wake her just yet. In that moment, I couldn't imagine loving another human being anywhere close to that little girl.

Sometimes, in quiet content moments like these, other thoughts surface that wouldn't have in any other circumstance. In this occasion one crossed my mind that hasn't ventured on to my path in a couple months.

I wonder if my mom had moments like this about me.

It startled me, actually. I had to almost second guess that it was me thinking this thought. But wait, I mean, I'm sure she felt this way. It's normal to be this smitten and taken back at the beauty of such a precious angel, right?

Maybe I wasn't a precious angel. Maybe I didn't fill her heart to the point of near explosion of joy. I'm not sure. It was altogether a fleeting thought, however. It left as quickly as it came and really had little to no impact on my thought process except to make me pull out her jewelry box. I never open her jewelry box. I couldn't really remember why until I actually opened it and got a strong aroma of her perfume. It surprised me. It's amazing what your brain does with triggers of familiar smells. I closed my eyes and it was almost like I was 5 again wrapped in a big bear hug or cuddling with her on the couch. Oh, that smell. It warmed my heart to be reminded of such sweet memories. I grabbed a necklace with a small lamb pendant. I honestly don't even know if the pendant was hers of if it was something I added to the box through the years. But it doesn't matter. What matters is that her gold chain around my neck is exactly where it needs to be, close to my heart.

It's moments like these that I know I am truly blessed.
Blessed with the overflowing love of the sweetest little girl.
Blessed with the surprise of my mom's perfume.
Blessed with immediately remembering the good times instead of the vast array of bad times.

Psalm 113:3

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised.