Seriously, though. I really don't have time for that. More than a handful of times this week and in more than just a few ways, I have been warned to drop things/people out of my life that bring me down. The radio, tv, movies, people, sermons, scripture, songs, motivational memes on Facebook; it's like the stars aligned and everyone met together in a divine appointment to attack me with this word. I knew it was what God had been telling me, but I obviously wasn't being obedient because He had to keep telling me in multiple ways.
***Disclaimer- There is a difference between loving people as Christ loves them and letting them walk all over you and bring you down***
I have positive goals. Goals that have set me free from the pressure to be something I'm not or achieve something that isn't attainable. It is truly amazing to set goals that work for my budget in my timing and not be worried about if they are big enough goals or high enough aspirations for other people.
I have a confidence now that I have never experienced before. Confidence that is still being fine-tuned, but one that can only come from the realization that I am a princess, a daughter of the Most High King. I was created exactly as I am with a grand purpose. I was chosen for a mission. The skills and talents that I possess accompanied with my willingness and backed by the Holy Spirit make me an unstoppable, irreplaceable force to be reckoned with.
I have a new-found freedom in my parenting that literally lifts a weight off of my shoulders to conform to society's norms. I am still learning and changing my beliefs on some things, but I already see a major improvement in the stress levels of both my sweet daughter and myself. It's amazing what being motivated by love can do instead of striving to reach benchmarks and gain accomplishments.
I have a joy not measured by circumstances. I'm finding that the more I pour my heart into being joyful, the more the sad or hurt situations have become just awkward ones. I know that as I grow and learn even more the awkward situations will just be normal situations and won't bother me anymore. It's a work in progress, but I am happy with the progress so far. Hey, I'm not crying myself to sleep at night like I was a year ago. That's amazing progress.
I can't let people take me away from what I know I need to do. Even people that are going to be in my life for the rest of my life, I need to just be confident and continue to stand up for who I am, what I believe, my parenting, my attitude, etc. I know I can do it. It's hard and sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in the room. Especially with the parenting aspect. Ryot can be crazy. She can be psycho and defiant and all over the place. But her name is Ryot, what do you expect?! I refuse to stifle her passion and don't really care so much about the craziness as long as it is not causing harm to herself or the people around her, and as long as she is not destroying property. But I refuse to accept your dirty looks for letting my daughter laugh and giggle as she dips her toes in the fountain or splashes me while I am talking to a friend. She could remember that mom got mad at her for making noise or putting her hand in the "gross" fountain, or she can remember that when she wasn't looking, mom splashed her right back and had a blast! God made dirt, dirt don't hurt, right? I'm about making memories, not creating a mindless robot.
ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYY, that's not actually at all what I sat down to write about. HA! But I guess it needed to be said.
What I really sat down to write about was Mark Driscoll. Well, not really, but it has to do with him. I recently liked his Facebook page because he irritates me in the best way. By irritate, I really mean pushing my limits and causing me to think about how I really feel about what he is saying.
For example, on the 25th he said this:
"A figure elevated above the masses for the praise and adoration of millions. Religious savior or rock star? #10Commandments"
And today he said this:
"A force that compels one to make all manner of sacrifices—including children—for personal gain. Demon god or career? #10Commandments"
My first thoughts: Demon god? Well, that's a little harsh, Mark. I mean, people have to work to support their families. I'm a one-parent household, I have to work.
My second thoughts: That's really not what he is saying. Those feelings are just rising up out of the guilt and shame that you feel concerning working and sending Ryot to "school". You want to stay home with her, and would if you could but that's not an option for you so don't judge his statement based on your inaccurate view of his intent.
My third thoughts: What does giving it your all mean? Where is that line crossed from being an exceptional employee and a devoted parent? The times that I have stayed just a little later at work to please my bosses instead of rushing to get my daughter are not times I'm proud of. It's all about what is the motivation, the purpose, the goal. What is the driving factor behind what you do? And what is my real calling? My responsibility when I step into the new world is not going to be pushing papers. Life is about relationships.
I love that what Mark says makes me think. And I love that, paired with what I wrote about above, I have the confidence now to take what he says, think about it and decide what it means specifically in my life. This is a much better way of doing things instead of mindlessly agreeing with anyone who seems to say something important or religious.
I love that what Mark says rattles my cages sometimes. Mark Driscoll, Danny Silk, Kris Vallotton, James MacDonald, Bill Johnson, Louie Giglio, Max Lucado and so many others make me think, make me question, stretch me to go beyond my borders and bold-faced challenge me. I love it. I love that "God loves you just the way you are, but He refuses to leave you that way. He wants you to be just like Jesus.” (Max Lucado)
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