I see girls with long beautiful flowing hair and I just gush. I think they are so beautiful. Then I start to feel insecure about how I look. I start to put importance on this outer carcass I carry around on a daily basis. I start to think about losing weight and shaping up. Ya know, it is going to be swimsuit season soon!
But I have been challenged. I have been awakened and given an opportunity to be me. To be who I really want to be and who I am destined to be. Switchfoot has it so right:
We were meant to live for so much more Have we lost ourselves? Somewhere we live inside
So I did it. I chopped off my hairs and I dyed them a spicy red color.
Now you might be asking, can there be that much liberty in a simple hair cut? I say, YES! Absolutely! I feel liberated. I feel spicy and unique. I feel like I'm not trying to fit into the wrong mold anymore. I feel like I am finally at the place where I can get over this insecurity of what I think people see and just enjoy what I see and MORE importantly what my great God sees, which is my heart. My heart loves the Lord. My heart loves His children. My heart yearns to see people rid of the addictions and traps that we ALREADY have the victory over!
So yes, this hair cut is a little sliver of what allows me to be the me that I was created to be. Which, in my opinion, is a better me than I ever could have tried to mold or paint or fashion!
There are so many people in the world that love the rain.
I have many friends who love the rain.
I do not love the rain.
I remember when playing softball or soccer in high school I would love for it to start raining. It meant that we had an extra challenge and that we got to get muddy. BUT then the officials would call the game because it was 'too dangerous'. Rawr. Frustrating. And outdoor events? Forget it. Ruined. Outdoor weddings, picnics, going to waterparks, sporting events...ruined because of the rain or lightening.
Here are some rare instances that I like the rain:
I think that's about it. So with that being said, I plan on NEVER living in the following places: (stolen from this website)
Mobile, Ala.: 67 inches average annual rainfall; 59 average annual rainy days
Pensacola, Fla.: 65 inches average annual rainfall; 56 average annual rainy days
New Orleans, La.: 64 inches average annual rainfall; 59 average annual rainy days
West Palm Beach, Fla.: 63 inches average annual rainfall; 58 average annual rainy days
Lafayette, La.: 62 inches average annual rainfall; 55 average annual rainy days
Baton Rouge, La.: 62 inches average annual rainfall; 56 average annual rainy days
Miami, Fla.: 62 inches average annual rainfall; 57 average annual rainy days
Port Arthur, Texas: 61 inches average annual rainfall; 51 average annual rainy days
Tallahassee, Fla.: 61 inches average annual rainfall; 56 average annual rainy days
Lake Charles, La.: 58 inches average annual rainfall; 50 average annual rainy days
Yes, I realize that Pensacola, FL is number two on that list. I might move close, but I hope to never live there. I can't stand rainy days!
One thing I will say, however, is that rain definitely helps me to appreciate the sunshine more. I love the sunshine. Most people get annoyed when they get in their car and the sun is shining in their eyes so bright that they can't see, but I love it. This may make me sound crazy but I feel like the sun is just one of my special little ways of communicating with God. I feel the sun on my face and the warmth and I can't help but smile because I know that God is present. I know that God is present all the time, but the sun is like a little reminder or an embrace. It's like God is smiling on me and it gives me great joy. I feel rejuvenated and excited. I soak it up. He is there, surrounding me, wrapping me in his light. It is a little escape, if only for a few minutes, to the feet of my Abba Father. It is a feeling of complete happiness and serenity. For me, the sun creates pure joy.
I would be perfectly happy to live in a place where it never rains. But maybe, for me, that is exactly why rain exists in my life.
I like learning new things. I like finding new organizations that I believe in. I like seeing funny pictures, reading inspiring stories and watching thought-provoking videos. I like being caught off guard by words of wisdom, encouragement or accountability when I need them the most. Ok, the accountability one might not fit in the "like" column all the time but in the long run it is definitely a plus.
I crave intellectual stimulation. I like crazy moments of nothing. I like napping. I like watching a stupid movie every now and then. But when I get done doing these stupid things, I almost always feel a twinge of sadness. Sadness that I could have been doing something that was meaningful. Here are some things that inspire me and/or I like:
Rockstar Ronan - The story of Maya, a spit-fire power house momma of three sweet boys and little Poppy girl on the way. She lost her third son, Ronan, to Neuroblastoma when he was just 3 yrs old. She writes with such raw emotion and so fearless that it is impossible to not be changed after reading her blog. Maya writes with honesty, holding nothing back. Ronan's fight for his life, his spicy spirit, his beautiful eyes and this incredible story of love, family and cherished moments are definitely life-changing, awe-inspiring, jaw-dropping and tear-jerking. So totally worth it.
You can learn more about Neuroblastoma and Ronan from The Ronan Thompson Foundation.
Here are three of many facts that you can find on the website here.
Childhood cancer is the number one disease killer in children.
Nationally, childhood cancer is 20x more prevalent than pediatric AIDS. Pediatric AIDS receives 4x the funding that childhood cancer receives.
The American Cancer Society spends less than 70 cents of each 100 dollars raised on childhood cancer.
These are our children, our nieces and nephews, our siblings, our friends that we are talking about. Please help us Paint the White House Gold this September. We really need to raise awareness for childhood cancer to get the funding and care that these precious babies deserve.
Maya and Woody are just some of the many parents trying to survive the horrible grief and pain of losing a child that I can not even imagine. Through reading Maya's blog, I found an incredible soldier for grieving parents everywhere, Dr. Jo, who I will talk about next.
Dr. Jo Cacciatore, Center for Loss and Trauma - Dr. Jo is mentioned very often in Maya's blog. She has been instrumental in not only Maya's life and grieving process, but to everyone she encounters. She has a heart for people that makes mine look like stone. Her holistic approach to life and healing give her the spark that I think the world is craving. She, like Maya, is going to move mountains.
Dr. Jo started The MISS Foundation in 1996 and the The Kindness Project in 1997, which I think EVERYONE should participate in. (find out how here!) The MISS Foundation highlights the acronym C.A.R.E.S.
Counseling
Advocacy
Research
Education
Support
And The Kindness Project is a really great way to put meaning behind being kind and thoughtful. It's easy to walk by something that needs to be done. But if you have Maya's son Ronan or Dr. Jo's daughter Cheyenne on your mind, doing something kind for other people takes on a new meaning. You are brightening someone else day because your life was brightened by that special spirit. You are doing something kind because those kids will never have the chance to. You are stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something different because it is nowhere near the battle that these kids go through with cancer and other trauma. Please check this amazing woman out. She will change your perspective.
Ryot News - This website is self-described as such: "Everyday we turn to news outlets to get reports of recent events or learn previously unknown information. Up until now, news has been all about "What's going on in the world?" RYOT lets you know "What's going on in the world and how YOU can be a part of it." RYOT is the only news outlet bringing you updates as they happen and letting YOU become part of the story. With RYOT, you 'Become the News.'"
Am I a little biased and excited that it also happens to be my daughter's name? OF COURSE! I mean, get a look at this bundle of awesomeness! My little riot of a Ryot. :)
Project Jubilee - The International Justice Mission is nationally known for "stopping slavery, sexual exploitation, and other forms of violent oppression. They rescue. They defend. They counsel. They educate. They prosecute. They pursue change on every level to stop systems and cycles of abuse." My dear friend, one of my beloved momma's, and my on-fire sister in Christ, Lisa Tuttle, made it a passion and goal to fund one of these rescue missions. She speaks of it in her blog here.
IJM, Project Jubilee and Lisa are all working towards making a difference in the defenseless and abused. These rescue missions may be the only source of hope, love, and support that these adults and children receive in their life. For only $4500, we are creating a safe haven for, (Lisa says it best) "Someone with no power to free themselve could have a new life that doesn't include abuse, exploitation, or oppression. We could make that happen for someone. Maybe a lot of someones."
Plus she has purple hair, which just makes her way more worth listening to. ;) Check out Project Jubilee and make a difference. Check out IJM and get involved. Read Lisa's blog and laugh, cry and be challenged every day of your life. She really is an amazing someone.
Back to Africa and Heart of the Bride - Back to Africa is self-described best "The Back to Africa (BTA) Project is focused on providing a fair wage to vulnerable widows, orphans, and refugees (our partners) in communities throughout Africa. Proceeds from the jewelry sales are sent directly to Africa and used to support our orphan ministries through Heart of the Bride." Heart of the Bride is self-described as "Heart of the Bride was established in 1998 as a non-profit organization dedicated to helping provide for the needs of orphans around the world. Our primary mission is to Share From Our Abundance With Those In Greatest Need."
Some of my close friends and family have dedicated their time, resources, hearts and ultimately lives for this calling. They are reaching the hearts of the street kids in Zambia helping to teach, guide, shelter and love.
Fuel Freedom - This is a more recent discovery. I can't quite say it is a passion yet because I do not know much about it. Rasied in Israel, Eyal Aronoff co-founded the Fuel Freedom Campaign and is primarily focused on energy and philanthropy. You can read about Replacement Fuels here. I think his logic and arguments make sense and I am looking forward to seeing how this unfolds. But like everything it needs funding and awareness in order to be heard. Why don't you check it out and let me know what you think? These are not all of the things that I am passionate about...just some ideas, people, foundations, causes, etc. that have popped in my head. However, I can't seem to forget about a certian blog post I read by the all-famous, previously mentioned Lisa, titled Be It. This particular post is really a challenge issued to people like me. I have this passion and drive to help others, but what am I doing about it? Well, I'm writing this blog hoping that someone will read it and help me create awareness. Yes, but what am I DOING about it?
"Be the change you wish to see in the world", right?
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to take way too many pictures.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to tell those around you that you love them.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to not go to bed angry.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to be able to laugh at yourself.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to be honest.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to go ALL OUT.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to tell those around you that you miss them.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to hug and be affectionate.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to make memories.
Maybe that's why I feel it's so important to live each moment like it was your last.
Because it just might be.
I can smile and say hi from a distance, but that won't help me remember what you smell like or feel like in my arms.
I smell thisand I remember my mom.
When I receive a big huge swallow-me-up hug, I always think of my Granny. She gives the BEST hugs! Or when I see or hear a reference to Dr. Mario. haha There is no greater champion then that woman! I don't know how she does it. I have the best Granny in the whole world. That is a memory we made that will stick with me forever.
People that spend a lot of time together start to get in that rut of taking each other for granted. When Ryot was first born I got to spend a couple months working from home. I was all in new baby bliss but I would have given my left arm just for a meaningful conversation with an adult. I was going stir crazy just being home with Ryot. I loved every little thing she did. Every coo, burp, yawn, sigh, movement. I was in awe. I have been in love with that little girl since I very first heard her little heartbeat 2 days after I found out I was pregnant. She is perfect. (picture moment!)
Awwww she is just so perfect and precious and I love everything about her. But if I'm being honest, I had moments of wanting to pull all my hair out! Like this:
haha oh goodness that's funny right there.
Anyway, long blog short, there were moments that I took that down time with my sweet angel for granted. Now that I work full time, I really really appreciate every second I get with Ryot. But why is that? Why does something have to be taken away for us to appreciate it? I loved every minute I got with her before and I don't think I could EVER get enough time with her to satisfy my craving, but I do know that I miss her even more now that I only get a limited amount of time with her.
What is this "absence makes the heart grow fonder" crap? I really hate that sentence. Just appreciate what you have.
Don't make me miss you. Spend time with me.
Don't make me wonder if you love me. Just tell me you love me.
Don't make me sit there begging for your attention. Let's make memories.
Don't under appreciate the things I do for you. I try really hard to be a kind, loving and thoughtful person.
Same thing with your friends, kids, parents, etc.
Life is short. I'm here now writing this blog. I might not be here tonight. I love you. All who are reading this. I love you my friends and family and dear darlings.
I'm not perfect by any means. But I do try really hard to give life and love everything I've got. I wish I had one more moment with my mom. I wish I could tell her that I love her. I wish she could meet Ryot. I wish I could ask for her motherly advice and hear her stories. But because of my mom I have this crazy appreciation for these things called life and love.
Don't keep the people in your life guessing. Say "I love you" too much. Give big hugs. Do something special for the people in your life. Make a point to spend quality time. Not just in the same room breathing the same air, but quality time.
It's the little things in life that go a long way. Don't be afraid to love and fall in love.
Today is International Women's Day. I posted this video on my facebook earlier today with this post:
"Today is International Women's Day. I would not by any means be considered a feminist, but I did learn some new things from this video. It's not life changing, but if you have a few moments to spare you might find it interesting. This is not just for moms that are working outside of the home but those that are working IN the home as well. What can you do today to say thank you to the women in your life?"
Well after watching the video and reading some articles about the amazing things women have done and are doing in the world, I wanted to see what others were saying about it. I like to read. I like to write. I like that people read what I write. I like that some people like what they read when I write. So therefore, I like to read what other people write, especially if it's what they love to do.
Google came in handy and I searched for quotes about women. Very vague, I know, but I wanted to leave the wide interweb world open for results. What I saw was honestly a disturbing shock! The level of degradation of the view of men is heinous. It's no wonder that women complain about their men being disrepectful or lazy. Come on, people, we are setting our men up for failure! Words have a much larger impact on the human pschy than people realize! Here are some of the quotes I read:
“Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.” - Joseph Conrad
“As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.” - John Lennon
“You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation.” - Brigham Young
“In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.” - Margaret Thatcher
"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him." - Groucho Marx
"I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere." - James Thurber
"The only really happy folk are married women and single men." - H.L. Mencken
Now there were hundreds of other good quotes speaking of women. Women's courage and strength in child-bearing. Women's sex appeal being more intellectual than physical. Women's hearts of gold. Women's undying love. Women's forgiveness that surpasses normalcy. Again...hundreds of good quotes. I was just shocked to see how many had to put men down to lift women up.
If someone is constantly telling me that I'm fat or asking if I am pregnant, I am not going to have the confidence to step out in that little black dress. If I continually tell my man how lazy and stupid he is, what is going to make him want to take initiative to do something nice for me? However, if I am encouraging his work ethic and praising him for his kindness, would that not propel him further to make sacrifices just to make me smile and provide a good life?
If I tell Ryot that she is stupid and boring, what is going to make her want to pick up a pen and color me a picture? What is the difference between talking to our men? Shouldn't we be building them up instead of nagging their faults? Shouldn't we be encouraging good habits and praising them for progress? Shouldn't we be appreciative of the things that they do for us instead of expecting to be waited on hand and foot?
Maybe it's old fashioned and outdated. I'm not even saying that I disagree with all of the quotes above. As I was reading them I was even guilty of letting out a little "amen" or a laugh every now and then. I can have a sense of humor, I just think there is a fine line of what to tease about and what not. AND I just so happen to think that putting your other half, children, friends, or anyone in your life down just so you can look better is NEVER the better option.
Wake up people! We have so much influence with our words.
Tell your girl she is beautiful. Appreciate the simple ways that she looks at you and loves you.
Tell your man that you are so thankful to be his or specifically thankful for something he did recently.
Tell your kids that they are so fun and creative. Encourage them to learn and discover!
Thank your boss for your job.
Thank your parents (blood parents or not) for the financial/spiritual/emotional support through the years.
Give more hugs.
Share a smile.
Give a just because kiss.
Send flowers.
Leave encouraging sticky notes in random places for them to find.
Give a spontaneous massage.
Plan a fun date.
Draw them a picture - even if it is bad stick people art.
Help randomly with the chores.
Cook dinner together.
Dance.
LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST.
BE ENCOURAGING.
*Disclaimer: I fail at this daily, but I will keep trying my hardest!!!*
What have you done to show appreciation and care for the ones around you lately? Do something spontaneous today!
2 Corinthians 10:7-11 "You are judging by appearances. If anyone is confident that they belong to Christ, they should consider again that we belong to Christ just as much as they do.So even if I boast somewhat freely about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up rather than tearing you down, I will not be ashamed of it.I do not want to seem to be trying to frighten you with my letters.For some say, “His letters are weighty and forceful, but in person he is unimpressive and his speaking amounts to nothing.”Such people should realize that what we are in our letters when we are absent, we will be in our actions when we are present."
Oh the beauty of written word...
I have always had a problem with eye contact. I'm not 100% sure why. I have speculated about it over the years and the closest thing I can come to a conclusion has to do with insecurity. When I make eye contact it's not a problem of me looking at the other person but that they are looking at me. They say "eyes are the window to the soul" and I believe it. Now scientists have discovered that it really is true here. They say that the 'differences in the iris can be used as a biomarker that reflects differences between people.' Crazy, huh? You probably don't care to hear about that; It's just the nerd in me who is fascinated in those kinds of oddities.
I just make eye contact and I get anxious. Do I look ok? Do I have something on my face? What are they thinking? What are they feeling? Do they approve? What is their opinion?
Why do I place so much value on the opinions of the people I talk to? (And not so much their opinions of me but that they feel comfortable enough to share their opinions of a topic with me. I would say its a 50/50 struggle) I'm not 100% sure about that either. The only conclusion I could come up for that question is that I am real. I am honest. My life is an open book. Now there is something to say for common courtesy. I shouldn't have to say that but I'm putting the disclaimer out there. Just like in Mona Lisa Smile:
Betty Warren: "You don't believe in withholding, do you?
Katherine Watson: "No. I do, however, believe in manners. But for you, I'll make an exception." Ask me a question and I'm not going to clam up and avoid it. I will tell you the truth. I will tell you what I believe, how I feel, what I think or what my experience has been. But somehow it never comes out as eloquently or fully formed as when I write. I feel like I am home when I'm writing. I feel like there are no judgements, no boundaries, no rules. Just as Paul says in the verse quoted above, I feel like "what we are in our letters when we are absent, we will be in our actions when we are present." I don't feel that I am a different person when I write, but merely a more communicative and accurate person. I have time to gather my thoughts - vent and erase if need be. I have time to figure out what it means to me instead of what sounds good. When asked a question I don't know the answer to, I am honest and say "I don't know." Sometimes I feel retarded that I don't know. I don't like feeling stupid. When faced with the same situation with writing, I can research (I LOVE research), find out the answers I'm looking for and then learn and share my new knowledge. I have time to see what other people think about a specific topic and form my own opinions. I have the opportunity to just be and feel exactly as I want to in that moment without anyone staring at me waiting for an answer. I have always been labeled a people person. I have been told and often relay to others that I have "never met a stranger". I think it's true. I meet someone and just love them - for who they are, for who they aren't, for their different views or for the same, for their style or complete lack thereof, for their unique ability of being the only person who is exactly them. I am the only me. They are the only them. That is something unique and special in and of itself. I will continue to try to be as strong, straightforward and eloquent as I try to be when I write. And I will try to continue not only being the only me in the world, but being proud that I am the only me in the world. I am here for a bigger purpose, a higher calling than my little world.
We got there by dark. We were greeted with friendly hugs, a warm fire, and good drinks. Ryot and I had a dance party outside until it was time for her to go to sleep (waaay late bedtime makes me a cool mom right? lol). The dance party continued longer than I thought it would; I think partly because we were trying to stay warm and partly because Ryot was deliriously tired. There is just something about dancing around a fire in the dark with good friends. Have you seen Dances with Wolves? I'm not the only one who enjoys it. :)
The rest of the weekend was filled with clearing out some woods, gathering firewood, playing football/soccer, playing with Ryot on the playground, sitting on the dock over the beautiful water, watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre, sitting around the camp fire, teaching the guys how to roast marshmallows since they were burning them, eating s'mores, and most importantly getting to have good conversation and quality time with really great, kind, loving, nice people. I had a blast this weekend.
Ya know, every trip has it's ups and downs. I had plenty of ups, and I had one major down.....literally down....like falling down a flight of stairs. How embarrassing! My foot just slipped and everyone heard me tumbling down. I didn't do any flips or anything but I fell pretty hard. haha I was able to laugh about it but was in more pain than I would admit at the time. Aaron was right there by my side in a flash of a second making sure that I was ok. *melt my heart* And I was so glad that he was because I thought I was going to pass out. I had to sit there for a while and just relax until I could see straight. My shoulder is really sore still and I have a pretty good size bruise on the back of my right thigh. Eh, it's just a flesh wound, right?
Bahahaha ok it wasn't that bad. Blood was not gushing everwhere, but I'm still sore today.
In fact, my whole body is sore. I haven't really done any physical activity for a long time. I go to work and I go home. I play with Ryot but she is still little so it's not very physically active. Well with the firewood, sports, dancing and running around at the lakehouse that I did this weekend, my whole body is sore. And I'm pretty sure 90% of the blame for my abs being sore is all the laughing. I love this family. I had so much fun and felt so comfortable. I hope to have many more weekends at that lakehouse. :)
Through some research from this website and others like it, listening to the Holy Spirit and searching scripture, I experienced a profound epiphany.
There are two types of strongholds that you can have in your life: an incorrect view of God and an incorrect view of yourself.
My problem does not lie in seeing God in an incorrect light. I do fall short of seeing God in his entirety, but I do not see him as only a judge or only a taskmaster who is keeping score of my sins. My problem lies in the incorrect view of myself. The rejection and abandonement that rocked my world as a child created a wound that lead to a stronghold of incompetence and fear of failure.
John 8:31-34 says "So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples,and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”They answered him, “We are offspring of Abraham and have never been enslaved to anyone. How is it that you say, ‘You will become free’?” Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slaveto sin. Jesus didn't just die to forgive us of our sins, but also to deliver us from the power of sin! Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners,
Christ died for us." He took all of the sin that we had created, are participating in, are thinking about participating in and all of the sin that we will commit in the future, and completely took the blame and the punishment. We have been made blameless by the shed blood of Jesus Christ. A saint is defined as a person recognized as holy or virtuous.When God looks at us now, he doesn't see all of that sin, but he sees Jesus; the perfect one who took our place. Yet instead of being a saint and living in the victory I have in Christ, I often times fall into the rut of just merely being a forgiven sinner. I know that I am forgiven because of scripture like this: Ephesians 1:7-14 "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insightmaking known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christas a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will,so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit,who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory." Then why is guilt, incompetance, fear of failure, fear of abandonement and fear of rejection so prevelent in my thoughts? Because I am allowing them to be a stronghold in my life. I all too often speak self-curses in my life and open the door for all sorts of evil, doubt and insecurity to come in and get comfortable. I used to point fingers with anger and say that it was my mom's fault or someone else's fault for creating the wound in the first place. My thought process was that if they hadn't created the wound, then I wouldn't be in the thought process that I was at that moment. Well, I have since gotten past those moments and no longer hold thoughts of bitterness or anger towards my mom, dad, or anyone in my past. However, I still have this stronghold of the incorrect view of myself and my worth. More often than not, I believe that God's word is true, but I don't understand how someone as perfect as He is could love someone as tarnished as me. Instead of just being humbled and grateful for the incredible gift of freedom and salvation, I allow this stronghold of incompetence and over self-evaluation to dwell and cook up a nasty recipe that stalls/stumps my growth. The first step in solving a problem is identifying the problem: What are my wounds? rejection, abandonement, incompetence What are my strongholds? seeing myself incorrectly And then you have to do something about it. Well, what did my God do? He sent Jesus to die on the cross to not only bear the weight of sin but deliver us from the bondage of sin. We have the victory over every sin, every temptation, every type of evil. "But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Cor 15:57 We have the power of the Holy Spirit of the living God in us and we sit idle worrying about things that we ALREADY have the victory over. Wake up and claim your victory! (And I'm talking to myself too) Addiction, guilt, temptation, heartbreak, rejection, abandonement, fear, physical and mental illness, hatred, resentment - all of that was nailed to the cross and we have the freedom in Christ to not be bound anymore. Renounce those thoughts. Renounce those insecurities. Repent of sin. Release those strongholds. Take hold of the sword of the spirit and get ready for a battle. Open your eyes to the world around you. above you. below you. There is more to life than just what we can see.
I was listening to KSBJ this morning on my way to work as usual. I heard a startling statistic that honestly shook me to my core. They said that the happiest couples are those making between $50,000 and $75,000 and have no kids. I did a little Google research and found this article that said "Conclusion: Kids, or rather the parenting of kids, is a common source of adult stress."
In conclusion of the article, the author was merely encouraging moms to take time for themselves. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that and encourage moms to do the same. The only problem I have is that I think most parents should not have had kids to begin with. (Something that might not sit well with some readers, but it is my personal opinion) Having a child is a big responsibility but an even greater joy. You are responsible for not only their wellbeing and education but their spiritual leadership and emotional stability as well. I'm not saying you are responsbile for their decisions as a grown adult, but I do think that we have more responsibility in molding and shepherding the people that our children are than America realizes or cares to realize.
Throughout the stages of Ryot's life, I have received warnings about her. I would talk about wanting her to roll over and they would say "Oh no, because then you really have to start watching her." I would talk about wanting her to crawl and they would say, "Oh no, then she will be everywhere and give you a workout." I would talk about wanting her to walk and they would say "Oh no, then she will be into everything." I talk now about being excited for her to talk more and they say "Oh no, because then she won't shut up." I hear these things and cringe!
I am not the perfect mother by ANY means. But there is one thing that I can't deny - I love this little girl with every fiber of my being. "I was made for you, you were made for me, my sweetheart!" (Ho Hey by The Lumineers)
Are there times that I get irritated, frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed, defeated or angry? OF COURSE! It's hard to try to cook dinner while she is trying to stick crackers in the dvd player. It's hard to pee in under 2.5 seconds because if I dont she is throwing shoes down the stairs. It's hard to rock her to sleep not knowing if I was firm enough or consistent enough or educational enough to aid her development and discipline. But if I am asked what stresses me out in life, she is NOT going to be one of them. The mere joy that she provides is way more than enough to counter any part of stress she produces. If anything the stress comes from my fear of parenting and not anything that she is doing.
I LOVED when she started rolling over. I LOVED helping her crawl and following her around the house. I LOVED when she started walking everywhere and exploring. I LOVE seeing her form new ideas and opinions and trying to form her own words and sentences. I am really looking forward to the next stages in life. Yes, having an itty bitty baby is fun and cute but this almost 2 yr old stage is my favorite so far! Every stage has been my new favorite and I don't predict that will change on to the next stages.
Some people don't want to have kids, can't physically have kids or can't afford to have kids. That is their right and their perogative. More power to them and their happiness. But I refuse to believe that a life without my precious angel would be more enjoyable. Children have an innocent way of reminding you what is important in life. Sure, I could use the money for diapers, childcare, wipes, food, etc on other things but why would I when I get to see her beautiful smile every day?
Ever since I can remember I have wanted to be a mom. I love Ryot. She is everything that I ever dreamed of and more. I am really looking forward to having more children. I know that Ryot will be a great big sister. Someday I will have more pictures like these...
My sister-in-law, Heidi, is beautiful. Beautiful inside and out. She is funny, kind, loving, caring, creative, insightful, inspirational and definitely someone I can look up to even if I am technically looking down at her little bity short self. :)
I had so much fun with friends and family this past weekend as we were all celebrating the coming arrival of baby Addison Reese. I never understood how it was possible to love someone you never met until my sister was pregnant with my niece Caedance, then again when my sw Nikki was carrying sweet little Monster Axel No Name and then was magnified even more when I could actually feel and experience what it was like to carry my own precious angel, Ryot. The whole idea of life growing in a mother's stomach is a miracle in and of itself, but the books can't explain the love that you have for this little being that you have never even met yet. I love Addi already and I haven't even seen her smile or heard her little coo's or giggles.
Don't come out yet, little Addi, but we are all really anxious and excited to meet you, sweet girl!
"Many of the people of London enjoy peace in their hearts, because they are ignorant of the things of God. It would positively alarm many of our sober orthodox Christians, if they could once have an idea of the utter ignorance of spiritual things that reigns throughout this land. Some of us, when moving about here and there, in all classes of society, have often been left to remark, that there is less known of the truths of religion than of any science, however obscure that science may be. Take as a lamentable instance, the ordinary effusions of the secular press, and who can avoid remarking the ignorance they manifest as to true religion. Let the papers speak on politics, it is a matter they understand, and their ability is astonishing; but, once let them touch religion, and our Sabbath-school children could convict them of entire ignorance. The statements they put forth are so crude, so remote from the fact, that we are led to imagine that the presentation of a fourpenny testament to special correspondents, should be one of the first efforts of our societies for spreading the gospel among the heathen. As to theology, some of our great writers seem to be as little versed in it as a horse or a cow. Go among all ranks and classes of men, and since the day we gave up our catechism, and old Dr Watts’ and the Assemblies’ ceased to be used, people have not a clear idea of what is meant by the gospel of Christ. I have frequently heard it asserted, by those who have judged the modern pulpit without severity, that if a man attended a course of thirteen lectures on geology, he would get a pretty clear idea of the system, but that you might hear not merely thirteen sermons, but thirteen hundred sermons and you would not have a clear idea of the system of divinity that was meant to be taught."
I wish that I could say that I am directly related to this man. But just knowing who he is will have to suffice for now.
I have to admit the level of conviction I feel while reading this sermon is quite embarrassing. I have everything I need to be able to teach the world about Jesus and yet I take it so for granted. I have everything I need to never worry or stress about anything yet still I get caught in the hustle of the traffic of this crazy life.
I find myself asking, "Can we stand up and end this ignorance?" But that would take work, which unfortunately America tends to take the easier road thinking it will benefit them by not having to work hard. I wish we could realize that seeking the Lord consistently, and to a certain degree, aggressively is what will give us the most rest and peace.
I don't want my knowledge of the word to be one that Spurgeon compares to a horse or a cow. I want to be a light in the darkness. I want to be fully armed with the armor of God. I want to be equipped so that at the end of my time I can hear those precious words, "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many
things. Come and share your master's happiness!" (Matt 25:23)
I've been having conversations with different people on the same topic lately. The only reason to deduct from why this topic has been so prevalent in my conversations is that I must have something to learn or share.
It started with a coworker. We were discussing the "necessary evils" of hiring people that are not up to par with our standards. At one point it sounded, to me, like he was making excuses for them. He used the term "victim of circumstance" which instantly boiled my blood. Of course it wouldn't be possible for some random kid born in Kenya to be the President of the United Sta---oh wait. bad example. ummmmmmm...new example, it would be ok in my conscience for someone to claim "victim of circumstance" if they were raised in the middle of nowhere with no source to the outside world and no opportunity or knowledge of opportunity. However, I find little to no excuse for the rest of the population. The whole 'I was raised on welfare so that's all I know' crap is frustrating. Here are some statistics/facts for you:
In the United States, each year, between 7,000 and 12,000 children lose a parent to suicide, the researchers estimate. If a girl's
biological parent has committed suicide, she is 4-5 times as likely to make a
suicide attempt. Abuse is also a major predictor of children trying to kill themselves. Being
abused as a child makes you 3 to 4 times more likely to become depressed or
suicidal as a teenager or adult. Sexual abuse is the type of abuse that is most
strongly associated with suicide attempts. It is thought that 15- 20% of all
suicide attempts in teenagers and young adults can be linked to child sexual
abuse. (taken from this website and others randomly on google)
By all accounts, I should be part of this statistic. My brother should be angry and hateful. My sister should be bitter and emotionally damaged. Do we have our scars? Yes. Do we remember awful things that happened in our life? Yes. But do we choose to let them define who we are? No. And you don't have to either. See, I have this secret. It's called freedom. No not, this:
But this:
Due to no merit of my own, grace has been given to me to live a life that is above and beyond the "necessary evils" and "victim of circumstance" stories. A life that is full of forgiveness, comfort, grace, strength, confidence, freedom and unconditional love is waiting for you to just say yes to Him. If you were hungry and someone gave you food, you would eat it. Well, if you are sad, hurting, angry, insecure, unsure of life, scared or any other emotion, God is stretching out His hand to offer you "the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding" (Phil 4:7) And when you think about it, it really doesn't make sense. I have every excuse to be sad, angry, hurt and bitter, but I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I have my days. I still have days where I look at Ryot, burst into tears and get angry that my mom isn't here to be her Grandmom or whatever it is that she would have wanted to be called. I still go through phases and hear songs or see movies that make me angry or bawl my eyes out, but it's not permanent. I have a moment of real human emotion, and then I am surrounded by the love and hope that I have in Christ. Instead of a miserable life of pain, I have hard moments every now and then followed by more joy than I could have ever imagined.
It's not just a myth. It is the most real thing in the world. It's not fleeting, it's everlasting. It's not something that's earned, but something that is given and available.
Why choose to be a victim, when you can already have the victory?
I've lost 14 pounds since January 5th. I finally decided I was unhappy with what I had to look at and I changed it. I will continue to lose weight and gain more confidence.
My apartment is, for the most part, clean. I have a couple more boxes to unpack, but it actually looks like a home. Now I just need to get pictures on the wall and the rest of my furniture in place.
I'm not sad anymore. And I'm not sad anymore because I decided not to be.
I finally decided that I didn't want to live in the "lazy", in the "unkempt" and in the "sad" anymore. I finally realized that by not doing what I am supposed to do, I was actually creating more stress. Coming home and being too "tired" to clean and put boxes away was actually creating an environment making me more tired and stressed out. However, I can now come home to a clean stress-free environment with a huge sigh of relief instead of the sigh of overwhelming "to-do's" in my face.
It feels great. Kinda like the feeling after a new hair cut or when I finally accomplish a goal I have been desperately striving for. Kinda like a breath of fresh air after stepping off of an airplane or taking a huge gulp of water after a good workout.
There are very few questions or statements that truely stimulate my intellect and light a fire to my thinking cap other than this:
"Who makes the better argument?"
Ahh, I love it! I don't so much like to be IN the debate, but I love to witness a good debate. I love to see the wheels turning in someone's head as their beliefs, experiences and organized theories are challenged. Even if I believe the person is wrong, there is something to be said about the one who makes the better argument. Was it their verbiage? Their tone of voice? Their extensive knowledge on the subject? It could be a number of reasons, but someone had the edge.
On a light note, this morning I read a little debate about coffee, which if you know me you know I LOVE. One Dr. argued that there are so many benefits to drinking coffee that everyone should partake. She gushed about how the clinical studies show a decline in the percent of recorded and admitted depression. The other Dr. said that while there are benefits to coffee, it should be treated as a drug only for recreational and occassional use. He went on to say that the afternoon "low" increases depression and raises cortisol levels which is is reason enough to not drink coffee at all. I wish these two would sit down and talk to each other with their charts and clinical findins over a cup of....um....water? And I wish that I could be a fly on the wall - or to not turn into an annoying flying insect - a person sitting at the table with them would suffice. Either way, I wish I could be there, drinking coffee (yessssss) and listening to the reasoning behind their ideas.
On a much more serious note, we saw the "social media trial of the century" (here) where Casey Anthony had every hateful finger in America pointing against her for the murder of her 2yr-old daughter, Caylee. Reading the articles and Wikipedia summary about Caylee's death is sickening. I have my views that I could rant and rave about but that is not what my goal is today. My question in this moment about this particular case, is who made the better argument? They - whoever "they" are - say that the prosecution relied too heavily on Casey's shady character instead of being able to prove how Caylee was murdered (which in my opinion was enough ALONE to seal the deal). What psychological pictures did the defense paint to even give the slightest hint of "reasonable doubt"?
On a much much more serious note, I have to be honest and say that I so often fall short in providing a good argument for my faith. This being prefaced by a couple paragraphs above when I said I would much rather witness the debate than actually be in it. I have no problem expressing my opinions, beliefs, or thoughts on any particular issue. I know what I believe and know all the Bible words to say that I have heard pretty much my whole life. But at the end of the conversation, day, year, life - will I be able to say that I made the better argument for why Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life? He has taken me from a broken, horrible place into a communion with Him. He has given me unmerited favor that can't compare to any gift I have ever or will ever receive.
Isn't is my responsibility and ultimately should be my joy to make the better argument?
New Blog. First Blog Post. So much pressure. Will it be witty? Serious? Short and sweet? Long and theoretical? Boring? Challenging?
I created this blog today. There was nothing wrong with my old blog. I liked the layout and the design. It was easy to navigate, easy to create new posts and easy to follow posts that I liked. It was, however, too easy to read back over old posts and become discouraged. The Art of Transparency had its time and place to shine. It served its purpose but now I’m on a new chapter, a new page, a new book even. I’m rewriting this story. I’m “changing my stars” (yes, an ‘A Knight’s Tale’ reference, get over it. RIP Heath Ledger)
As I close the chapter on that blog, I must say that transparency really is an art. And one that I feel I can never truly master. It’s easy for me to be honest with other people. It’s decidedly more difficult to be completely honest with myself. How was I really feeling, even if it was wrong? What were the raw emotions, even if I thought I sounded foolish? I learned a great deal about my myself that was unexpected. I learned that the expectations I had of myself were honestly a lot higher than I was prepared for…a lot higher than they should have been. I learned that I was expecting myself to be perfect and bounce back from tragedy as if nothing had ever happened. I learned that I was expecting myself to be stronger than humanly possible. I was holding myself to this superhuman level of untouchable that I was literally drowning in 3 foot pool with a life vest already wrapped around me. At least looking back now, that’s what it looks like. I have all of this head knowledge of who I am in Christ. I have THE great book, the Bible, that gives me all of the ammunition to fight the spiritual warfare that we are in. I am redeemed and forgiven. There is nothing that can take away my joy and salvation. There is nothing that can strip my God of his power, might, grace and love. I, as a child of the Most High King, have already obtained the victory over death and sin by the shed blood of the perfect son of God, Jesus Christ. And there is nothing – not heartbreak, not warfare, not worldly expectations – that can take that away from me.
So this is Tales of the Untamed. I don’t know what God has in store for the next couple days, months, years, but I am surely looking forward to it.
